Hope is a Four Letter Word
by Swimming the Same Deep Waters
Summary: She loved him without reservation - and he said he loved her, too. They were finally so happy, but then he was gone - and all she had were broken promises, a heart full of shattered dreams and unanswered questions. Why did Dimitri leave? And who supports Rose through her loss? Can Rose ever make her way back to her Dimitri? [Please read trigger warning at beginning of chapter 1]
1. Chapter 1

**_This piece of fiction contains mature themes and detailed scenes which could be potential serious mental health triggers. Please consider that before deciding whether this is an appropriate story for you to engage with. This will be the only warning._**

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It had been three weeks since Mason died in Spokane, and they'd started their training sessions again. Rose had needed to get back into a sense of normality, but more than anything she'd needed Dimitri. Things had been difficult for Rose since they got back from the Ski Lodge. Lissa had been preoccupied with helping Christian with what he'd been through, and while she was trying, she was struggling to know how to connect with Rose after everything that had happened. Eddie was dealing with his own grief about losing Mason. Mia had left the Academy, and even Adrian had returned to Court after Mason's funeral . That left Rose alone, and there weren't enough words to describe how messed up things were with her.

So Dimitri had restarted their training, and things started to feel normal again. They'd had a good first day. Running followed by weights, some new attack techniques and then they'd sparred. By the end of it, she felt good. Almost herself again. Their second day had been even better. In the afternoon, they'd sat in comfortable silence side by side next to the sparring mat, and she'd reached over to hug him, putting an arm around him and pulling herself in against his side and chest. "Thank you, Comrade," she'd said, affectionately. "I've needed you."

He'd pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes, and said, " Roza, I've needed you, too." And then he pulled her chin up with one finger and kissed her. A kiss that made their other stolen kisses look poor and mean by comparison. They'd shared more passionate kisses before, so that wasn't what set this one apart. This was different because for the first time he'd intentionally kissed her with love.

He'd smiled and taken her hand. Picking up his duster but leaving their bags he'd guided her out the back door of the gym; the one that led towards the woods. He'd taken her deep within the trees until the exterior lighting of the gym was barely discernable in the distance. Wordlessly he'd thrown down his duster onto the snow, sitting on it before he'd pulled her onto his lap, continuing what he'd started in the gym.

His lips were soft and warm and seemed to be all over her neck and face. They allowed our hands to wander freely, one of his snaking its way under her hoody and stroking her breasts through her sports bra.

"Not here, milaya," he'd mumbled, his voice thick, "But very soon I'm going to kiss you everywhere."

She'd moaned, overcome by the thought of his lips and tongue on her. Fantasizing about him taking her swollen nipples into his hot wet mouth. It was more than she could take, and she'd shifted on his lap, straddling him. Bringing her lips back to his they'd stepped up the intensity of their kisses until they were kissing with complete abandon, his hands on her hips pushing her down against him as she ground herself against the huge bulge in his pants.

"Dimitri! I want you inside me," she'd gasped.

He'd groaned loudly, closing his eyes and rocking his hips upwards as though he was thrusting into her.

"Soon, Roza. I promise soon. But not here. Not like this," and with a tortured gasp he'd lifted her from his lap, sitting her down on the open duster beside him as they both drew ragged breaths and tried to calm themselves. Finally composed, he'd pulled her to face him, cradling her in his arms and laying them back on his jacket. It was cold out. Not snowing but very crisp. However, she was warm curled up in his arms. They lay there talking for almost five hours. He'd been so effusive. It was as though now he'd made the decision to let himself go he was willing to talk to her about anything. It was almost midday when they'd walked back to her dorm.

"What will we say if anyone asks us what we're doing out?" she'd asked nervously, as they collected their gym bags and walked across campus.

"I'll think of something," he'd laughed, all sign of his usual reserved guardian mask gone.

He'd used his guardian keys to disable the alarm on the door at the foot of the fire stairs, letting them into her dorm block without having to pass the matron guarding the front desk. He'd walked her all the way to her door, waiting while she found her key and let herself in. With a careful look up and down the corridor to make sure they were unobserved, he'd pulled her hard against him, kissing her with passion and love.

"I love you, Roza. I'll be dreaming of you," he'd said giving her a final kiss before he turned and walked back down the corridor.

She'd smiled, leaning back against the door for a minute. He was at the end of the hallway when it sunk in what he'd said.

"Dimitri!" she'd whispered.

He'd stopped and turned back to her.

"I love you too!" she'd whispered.

He'd grinned , blew her a kiss and took off down the stairs, presumably to his bed and his fantasies.

She didn't know what to expect the next morning. Would he pretend it hadn't happened? Would he even be at training? In the past when they'd gotten closer than he was comfortable with he'd retreated – withdrawing back into his shell, being brutally professional and indifferent, so she steeled herself ; preparing for him not to be there, or to bark orders at her if he was. What she hadn't anticipated was to be pulled into his embrace and kissed gently.

"Good morning, Roza. Did you have pleasant dreams?"

She couldn't wipe the smile from her face. They trained as normal, each of them smiling when they passed a piece of equipment to the other, and when Dimitri held Rose's ankles as she did her sit-ups.

"Do you have any plans this weekend milaya?" he asked innocently enough when they'd finished for the morning.

"Nope. I'm up to date on my homework. I've even done my washing," she laughed. A gargantuan task, it was something she usually left until she had nothing left to wear but she'd done it a couple of days ago. With no training and Lissa spending every waking moment with Christian, she'd had a lot of hours to kill.

"Good. I think you need to brush up on your survival skills. The others did a three-week camp while you were away. You can't be that long from your studies, but I was going to ask Alberta if you could have a couple of days away practicing your camping and outdoor living skills."

"Camping? I can't think of anything worse!" she snarked.

His face fell a little. "Even if it was with me?"

" _Just_ you?" she whispered, her eyes widening.

"Just me," he confirmed a loaded look passing between their brown eyes.

"I could do that," she uttered, suddenly breathless. Her face flushed and her lips parted in anticipation, it was clear she knew what he was suggesting. "It's snowing out there, should I pack warm things?"

"Pack warm daywear," he directed. "We might do some hiking. Don't worry about warm nightwear; we'll sleep in the cabin."

Smirking at her expression he wished her a good day, heading off to Alberta's office to suggest Rose would benefit from a couple of days off campus and that they could head to the Academy's campsite for the weekend.

"She's still fragile after what happened," he explained to Alberta. "Every time she starts to open up about what occurred she has to go to class, or we're interrupted. She needs to brush up on her outdoor living skills, but maybe while we're hiking she'll talk to me about how she's feeling?"

Alberta thought about it. Belikov had a point. She'd been worried about Rose. It hadn't escaped her attention that while Christian had Lissa and Eddie was talking with the counselor, since her mother left Rose had isolated herself from everyone. She'd been relieved when Belikov had started their training sessions again; Rose seemed to connect with him.

"It will be cold. Possibly too cold to sleep in tents?" she thought out loud, "And there's only one cabin..."

"Alberta, I believe that you forget where I'm from. In Siberia this would not be called cold," he chuckled. "I will put Rose in the cabin, and I will sleep in the tent. If it storms, I'll sleep on the sofa in the cabin. I recall it folds out," he explained.

"Make sure you travel in daylight," Alberta said, giving her grudging approval. "The campsite is warded, but I'll have the wards renewed today. See if you can get through to her on a personal level," she implored.

Dimitri felt a surge of guilt at deceiving the older woman. But he and Rose needed this time alone together. What had grown between them couldn't be denied any longer. Almost losing her at Spokane had been the kick in the ass he'd needed. It was time to live in the here and now. After class at training, he'd shared the good news with Rose.

"Friday after classes we have no training. You're to sleep if you can. We leave at 10 am Saturday to go to the Academy's campsite an hour away. We'll stay Saturday and are due back late Sunday."

"Just the two of us?" she whispered in disbelief.

Dimitri looked around, and noticing they were alone he picked her up and swung her around, giving her a quick kiss.

"Just you and I, milaya," he beamed.

She wasn't sure how she made it through the following twenty-four hours. After stealing more kisses, she and Dimitri had finally parted, and she'd gone to her dorm room to start packing. He'd said they'd be hiking, so she put out her combat boots, her warmest pants, warm tops, and thermals. Then she'd stared at her meager selection of underwear. Mostly old and faded sports bras and crop tops, she had a couple of regular bras but nothing that could be considered pretty.

Not like Lissa's overflowing underwear drawer. Since she and Christian had started getting it on just before Christmas, Lissa had used her never-ending trust fund to amass a never-ending supply of alluring underwear.

And just like that Rose's mood plummeted. All this sneaking around to get _one_ night together. All she wanted was to look desirable for Dimitri. But there was no time to buy something nice, and no money to in any case. She flopped onto her bed, closing her eyes as her fists balled in anger and frustration. Was it too much to ask? Just _something_ for herself? For as long as she could remember, it was _'They come first_.' Taking deep breaths, she forced the envious feelings back down. It wasn't Lissa's fault she was free to love whoever she wanted, while Rose wasn't free to love at all.

This anger was coming more and more often. Others had started noticing it and assumed it was a reaction to what had happened at Spokane, but she knew better. It had started before then. It had begun around the time Lissa had said the tablets weren't working so well and she was feeling closer to her magic. Suddenly Rose's mind was catapulted back to something Adrian had said when he'd dream-walked her in Spokane. ' _Everyone has light around them, except for you. You have shadows. You take them from Lissa.'_ She hadn't had the time to think about what he'd meant until now, but it confirmed what she'd already suspected. Lissa's magic came with a price. A darkness. One that she took from Lissa. A darkness that caused these feelings of rage.

Telling herself to suck it up, she plucked her least ugly bra from the pile, digging around until she found some matching panties. Hopefully, Dimitri would be so excited they could finally be together he wouldn't notice what she was wearing, she thought with a small smile.

"You're going away this weekend?" Lissa said with a frown at lunch on Friday. "Tasha's visiting Christian to see how he's going. With Tasha to keep Christian busy, I thought we could spend the weekend together – it's been _ages_ since we've caught up."

Rose could feel the guilt through the bond. Lissa knew she'd been neglecting Rose, but Christian had been so distressed by what had happened at Spokane she'd had to focus her attentions on him. Besides, Rose was always so strong and able to deal with things. She didn't need support in the same way Christian did. Without parents, Christian was all alone. He needed her.

Rose tore herself from Lissa's internal dialogue, feeling the anger and darkness unfurl within her again. Yeah Lissa, because my family is just _flocking_ around, she thought bitterly. Her mother had left the day after Rose received her molnija. This time Rose thought they'd made progress; her mother had seemed to care. But now she was gone again, and things had fallen back to the way it had always been. Out of sight out of mind.

"Sorry. I still have to catch up with everything I missed if I'm going to have _any_ shot at graduating," Rose said, a hard edge to her voice. "So that means outdoor survival training this weekend."

Turning back to her lunch with a scowl, Rose took pleasure in Lissa's guilty start. Even if Lissa didn't comprehend the price Rose paid for her using her magic, that wasn't the _only_ cost of Rose putting her first, and it didn't hurt Princess Perfect to be reminded of it occasionally. Yet almost as soon as the vengeful thoughts overcame Rose, a feeling of shame followed.

"I'm sorry we won't get the chance to catch up," Rose added softly. "I've missed you," she said honestly. She'd said it to try and make Lissa feel better, but it had the opposite effect. Now Lissa felt bad for neglecting Rose _and_ for being the reason she had to train and study so hard to make up for their two years away.

"When's Tasha due?" Rose asked to change the subject.

"She's traveling in daylight, so her plane is arriving in Missoula at 9 am. Guardians are collecting her from the airport so she should be here by eleven."

Rose smiled. She and Dimitri would miss her by an hour. She wondered whether he knew she was coming and whether that had influenced him scheduling the trip or the time of their departure. In the end, she decided she didn't care. He'd said no to Tasha; told her that his heart was elsewhere. And it was Rose he was taking away for a weekend, not Tasha.

The thought cheering her up considerably, Rose was in a good mood for the rest of lunch, and her mood brightened, even more, when she and Lissa walked into Animal Behavior and Physiology in fifth period and saw Dimitri was one of the guardians scheduled to guard their class. He had his detached guardian face on as he surveyed the room, ever vigilant, but she didn't miss the fleeting look of excitement in his eyes when he spotted her. She felt a warmth in her chest and _other_ parts of her. Closing her eyes for a second, she imagined later tonight. When they'd be together, alone at last; no one and nothing to interrupt them.

That thought alone was enough to get her through Precalculus, Moroi Culture 4 and then she had last period free. It used to be Slavic Art with Lissa, but after Natalie had killed Mr. Nagy, the class was discontinued. Lissa had been made to pick up another elective, but because Rose was so behind academically, she got to use the period for study hall. But not today. Today she shot out of Moroi Culture like psi-hounds were after her, racing to her dorm. Jumping into the shower, she shaved her legs, under her arms and scrubbed until everywhere was pristine. Her hair took forever to dry in this weather, so she'd done it yesterday. Still, she braided it carefully before yanking her blinds shut, pulling her pajamas on and climbing into bed, setting her alarm for 9.30 am.

She tossed and turned, not used to being in bed so early. After half an hour or so she managed to fall asleep, waking in surprise and confusion when her alarm went off at 9.30. It took her a second or two to remember why she was waking up at a time she'd typically be starting to think about bed. But as soon as she remembered, she was out of bed and carefully dressing.

Unbraiding her hair, Rose took the time to brush it out until it lay in long loose curls down her back. Just the way Dimitri liked it. She also put on a tiny bit of makeup. Mascara, a little eyeliner, and her favorite lip gloss. The one he'd bought for her. She finished herself off with a subtle spray of perfume. Amor Amor - the one she'd kept from the box Adrian had given her. She stifled a grin at the irony of wearing the perfume Adrian had bought her when getting herself ready to make love with another man. Meh. He'd never know.

With a final look at herself in the mirror, she shouldered her duffel and walked down to the front of the dorms. She'd only been standing there a minute when Dimitri drove up in the same Honda Pilot they'd taken to her Qualifier. He was dressed in casual clothes, his wet hair and the subtle scent of his aftershave evidence he'd also come straight from a shower.

"Rose," he said quietly, his eyes drinking in her form. She knew he wanted to kiss her, but at 10 am the chance of someone seeing them was just too great. He took her bag, slinging it into the back of the car. A quick look revealed the trunk was filled with camping equipment and food. Settling herself into the passenger seat, her stomach was fluttering as Dimitri climbed into the driver's seat beside her.

"Are you ready, Roza?" he asked her softly, his brown eyes staring into hers with undisguised love and anticipation.

"I can't wait," she whispered back, returning his adoring gaze.


	2. Chapter 2

They were at the gatehouse, Dimitri handing over the paperwork Alberta had signed. Rose played with her phone while Dimitri spoke with the guardian at the gate. It was two minutes to ten when he pulled onto the main road, and they were on their way. Rose watched the walls of the Academy fly past. They'd made it five minutes beyond the fenceline when Dimitri pulled into a deserted rest stop. The engine still idling, and nothing other than a snow-laden picnic table to witness their exchange, he turned to face Rose, putting his hands on either side of her face and pulling her lips to his.

"Roza," he groaned before his lips joined hers, covering her mouth in soft, needy kisses. "I've wanted to do this all day!"

"Me too," she gasped, one hand running up his chest, the other snaking behind his neck. Their kisses were heating up, and he pulled himself back, resting his forehead against hers.

"Let's keep going, milaya. The sooner we're there, the sooner we can settle in ," he said, in a clear effort to stop himself from taking things further.

"Ok," Rose said breathlessly, honestly a little overcome by his openness and the depth of the desire she could see in his soulful chocolate brown eyes. After wanting him for so long, it was a little intimidating to know in just an hour or so they might be giving themselves to one another. As if he could read her thoughts, Dimitri gave her a final reassuring peck on the lips and turned back to the wheel, pulling back out onto the carriageway.

"Lissa said Tasha is visiting this weekend," Rose said, immediately regretting introducing her as a topic of conversation.

Dimitri looked unperturbed. "Yes, I noticed on the day sheet at breakfast a guardian had been rostered to go get her from Missoula."

Rose was watching him from the corner of her eye. He seemed relaxed and comfortable with it as a topic of conversation.

"I wasn't sure if she'd told you she was coming," she probed.

He shook his head. "We haven't spoken since she left the Academy after we got back," he explained. "She hasn't contacted me, and I thought I'd give her space. She's a friend, and we'll go back to being that, but her feelings were still hurt."

Rose nodded, but the surreptitious look Dimitri gave her showed him she wasn't entirely convinced.

"I chose _you_ , Roza," he soothed. "You're the one I couldn't live without. Don't waste time worrying about Tasha. She's no threat. I love _you_!"

She reached over and rested her hand on his thigh as he gave her a loving smile and switched on the sound system in the car. It was one of his 80s hits, but she kind of knew it. Dimitri hummed along, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze when they got to the refrain 'take my breath away.'

They were approaching a town when Dimitri asked if she was hungry.

She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Comrade, when _aren't_ I hungry?" she joked, and he laughed as her stomach chose that moment to make its appetite known via a loud rumble.

"Come on milaya, let's get you fed," he grinned, pulling up into the lot of a burger joint.

"I can't believe you're letting me eat junk food," Rose replied, climbing out of the car and skipping to the entry door. "Could this weekend _get_ any better?! Away from school with the sexiest man alive and now junk food? I've died and gone to heaven, Comrade!" she laughed.

Dimitri shook his head indulgently. He'd never been able to understand Rose's fascination with junk food, but it made her happy, and he wanted this weekend to be perfect for her. Standing behind her in front of the counter, he wrapped his arms around Rose from behind.

"Is there nothing healthy on this menu?" he moaned, looking at the meat-heavy, cheese-laden selections.

"Nope!" Rose responded wi th glee. "Talk a walk on the wild side , Dimitri. Eat a burger _without_ a side salad," she teased, ordering herself two cheeseburger meals with a large chocolate shake.

"When in Rome," he muttered, ordering the same as her and pulling out his wallet. "My treat," he insisted, dropping a kiss onto the side of her head before handing over a couple of notes. She turned in his arms and looked up at him.

"Are you trying to seduce me with fast food?" she crooned into his ear irreverently. "'Cos it's _totally_ working!"

Dimitri's eyes crinkled at the edges as his lips pulled into a grin. "I'll remember that, milaya!"

"Milaya?"

"It means sweetheart or darling. It's what a man calls his girl."

"Am I your girl?" she asked, trying not to show him the hope in her eyes.

"Would you like to be?" he replied, answering her question with one of his own.

"Would _you_ like me to be?" she countered.

"Yes," he replied, the word barely a whisper.

"Then yes," she responded, getting up on tiptoes to give him a very sweet kiss.

Their food was ready, so he grabbed the paper bags, and they walked to the car. "I hope I'm not going to regret this," he said as they climbed into the car. And just for a moment, she wondered whether he meant the food or if he was talking about loving her.

"I can't believe the Academy owns anything this beautiful," Rose said in awe forty-five minutes later when they'd pulled up at camp.

"It's gorgeous isn't it?" Dimitri replied, warming her hands with his as they stood beside the car and looked at the picturesque scene in front of them. Set at the top of a ridge, the campsite was on a large terrace. On one side was a gentle slope that progressed into quite a steep decline to the valley below. On the other side some woodland that lay at the foot of a small mountain. The view was breathtaking, and the silence was deafening – there being nothing and no one for miles in any direction.

"This looks a lot like Siberia," Dimitri gruffly told her.

"Really? I never imagined it so scenic?" Rose replied.

"It's a beautiful land. I'll show it to you one day," he promised. "Every season has its beauty, but I think I'll take you in spring. 'О, весна без конца и без краю – Без конца и без краю мечта! Узнаю тебя, жизнь! Принимаю! И приветствую звоном щита!'"

"What does that mean?" Rose asked, spellbound by hearing Dimitri so loquacious in his native tongue.

"It's a Russian poem about spring. Let's get unpacked and then you can help me set up the tent."

"I thought you were joking about sleeping in a tent," she groaned. It was barely above freezing out.

"We're not going to sleep in the tent. But if I bring it back still packed up and not wet it's going to raise a lot of questions," he said giving her a hopeful look. "We'll set it up, but I thought we'd stay in the cabin." He gestured to the wooden cabin they'd pulled up alongside. "When the Novices are here in autumn, we let them off in the valley below and make them hike to the top carrying their supplies. They're here for three weeks, so it's a lot to carry up," he chuckled. "You should see their faces when they get to the top and see the bus parked up here and the smoke billowing from the cabin chimney. And then we make them pitch their tents!"

Passing Rose her bag, Dimitri shouldered his own and a few bags of supplies leading the way to the sturdy cabin. Standing on the tiny porch side by side, Rose's breath hitched as Dimitri pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the sturdy bolt.

"Wait here," he instructed, going in and carefully checking the cabin before giving her the all clear.

Rose stepped inside the gloomy cabin, looking around her gingerly. There wasn't much to see; an open room there was a sturdy sofa and a coffee table, a large bed with a bare mattress, a few cupboards and a wood burning stove in one corner to serve as a kitchen, a table and two chairs in front of it and a large fireplace a little further along in the centre of the wall. A door opened into a rustic bathroom with a toilet and a shower.

Dimitri quickly opened the shutters that covered the windows to let more light in. Looking around his heart sunk a little. It wasn't how he'd pictured it in his mind. He'd wanted a warm, soft bower filled with candlelight and to make Rose his in front of a roaring fire. This wasn't the romantic scene he'd envisaged; it was a chilly and depressing cabin whose only redeeming feature was it was in the middle of nowhere, and it allowed them to be alone.

Determined to do what he could to make the space comfortable and romantic, he did another two trips to the car to get the rest of the supplies before coaxing a fire to life in the fireplace as well as the stove while Rose swept the dusty floor and opened the windows for a few minutes to allow the cabin to air.

"Come on – help me make the bed unless you want to sleep in the tent," Dimitri said looking at her shyly. Neither of them said it, but they both knew they were preparing the space where they'd probably be making love a little later. Carefully putting the sheets on, they spread the quilt and placed the pillows he'd taken from his bed.

"It smells like you," Rose observed, sniffing one of his pillows then looking at him from under her lashes.

"It's from my bed," he said, his voice husky.

"I remember," she said giving him a daring look, referencing the night of the lust charm; when he'd come close to doing what he planned to do with her tonight.

Forcing himself back to the tasks at hand, he went outside and checked the water tank for the shower, brought the rest of the food in including a couple of bottles of wine he'd procured for the occasion, placing them to chill in a bucket he filled with snow . He pulled out a white tablecloth and spread it on the table before going outside to cut some early primroses he'd spotted growing in the protected area beneath the water tank, placing them in a teacup of water in the middle of the table. Finally, he pulled out a cast iron pot from a cupboard and filled it with the venison and vegetable stew he'd prepared back at the academy. It would take hours to cook, but by the time the sun went down, it would be a warm, hearty meal.

They went outside and pitched the tent to one side of the cabin; where it wouldn't obscure their view from the porch. With the car likewise hidden to one side, it was easy to feel they were completely cut off from the world. It was just past 1 pm, and Dimitri was starting to wonder what to do until sunset. The sun would set early, and for their warmth and safety they needed to be inside by then, but that still left hours.

"Roza – there's a beautiful lookout about half an hour's walk from here. Would you like to see it with me?" he asked shyly.

She nodded, putting on her gloves and warmest jacket and they set out hand in hand. They spent the time talking, Dimitri telling her more about Siberia and St Basil's. Rose told him more about being shadow-kissed, including her suspicions about the darkness and what Adrian had said about her taking the shadows from Lissa.

"Good to know Lord Ivashkov is good for something," Dimitri said frostily.

"You don't like him do you?" Rose asked with a giggle.

"No. He wants more than friendship from you," he growled.

"It's not going to happen," she said coyly. "I'm interested in _another_ man."

"Still, I don't like that he's coming to campus. He's a bad influence," Dimitri continued petulantly.

"When's he arriving," she asked curiously.

"Today or tomorrow I think. Alberta said he's going to be working on spirit with Lissa."

Rose sighed, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. They were sitting side by side on a small plastic tarpaulin Dimitri had brought to the admittedly stunning lookout. "Then I'm going to need to train a lot more, Comrade," she said gloomily. "If Lissa is going to be using her magic, I can only expect to get more of this darkness."

"I'll help you with it," he promised. "I'll always be there to help you through it."

The sun was sinking toward the horizon by the time they got back to the cabin, but Rose insisted the two of them make snow angels side by side.

"You'll get cold," he warned, eyeing her skinny jeans dubiously. While they showed her beautiful body to perfection, they weren't as practical as the waterproof pants he was wearing.

"Then I can have a shower. There _is_ hot water isn't there?" she checked.

"Plenty," he assured her. "I set the tank to warm before we left."

She flopped into the snow, grabbing his hand and pulling him down beside her. They made their snow angels, then stood side by side to admire their handiwork.

"Comrade?" she started.

"Yes milaya," he replied, brushing her quivering lower lip with his thumb.

"I'm freezing!" she confessed, earning a rich chuckle from him.

"Oh, Roza," he said with a smile. "Let's get you inside!"

The cabin was toasty warm, and the cooking meal made the place smell delectable. Dimitri checked the hot water was ready before coming to kneel in front of Rose where she sat at the table trying to undo her boots.

"Let me," he said, removing her boots and wet socks before pulling out a couple of towels from his bag and handing them to her.

"Pass me your wet clothes through the door, and I'll dry them in front of the fire," he instructed, pulling out a wire rack intended for just that purpose.

In the bathroom Rose stripped down, quickly passing Dimitri her clothes before looping her hair up into a bun to stay dry and stepping under the warm shower. It was quite hot, although the water pressure wasn't brilliant, but it warmed her freezing bones. Conscious Dimitri might want to shower, too, she climbed out after just a few minutes, wrapping herself in a towel.

She hadn't brought any fresh clothing in with her, and the towel wasn't massive. Maybe it's a sign, Rose thought, nervously stepping out into the main cabin.

Hearing the bathroom door, Dimitri turned to face her. He'd been in the middle of changing and hanging his wet clothing on the rack, so was wearing nothing but a pair of dark gray thermal trunks. Illuminated only by the light from the fire, Rose honestly thought she'd never seen him look as sexy as he did right then. His eyes were busy taking her in, noting her flawless skin; the long smooth legs not covered by the towel.

Walking towards him fearlessly, Rose wasted no time leaning up to kiss him. Wrapping her arms around his neck she stroked the back of his neck, letting her fingers play with the ponytail at his nape. Slowly coaxing his hair tie from his dark brown strands, she sighed in happiness as his hair fell forward framing his face. At the same time, she moved back ever so slightly, putting just enough distance between them so her towel dropped, leaving her standing naked in his arms.

Dimitri growled in excitement against her lips, his long-fingered, calloused hands suddenly finding they had all of her to caress and explore. He deepened the kiss, feeling Rose melt against him, pushing every part of herself closer to him.

"Roza," he stammered in warning. He needed to tell her that unless she wanted to go further, she needed to give him a moment to collect himself.

"It's cold, Dimitri. Take me to bed."

His eyes said what his lips couldn't, and without a pause, he picked her up and carried her across the room. Putting her down at the mattress edge, he peeled back the thick quilt watching with undisguised desire as she climbed naked into the center of the sheets. She reclined on one side, her dark locks spilling across the pillows like poured molasses.

Dimitri started to climb into bed beside her when she shook her head. "Underwear off, Comrade," she said giving him a steady stare. She didn't want there to be anything between them.

Flushing with embarrassment in the firelight, Dimitri lowered his trunks. He hadn't wanted her to see that he was already aroused by seeing her naked; he knew she hadn't been with a man before, and he didn't want to frighten her with the size of his member. Her eyes fell to his manhood as his trunks fell to the floor.

"Is that what I do to you?" she gasped in amazement.

"Yes," he moaned, lowering himself to the bed and rolling towards her, careful not to push his thick, long shaft against her.

"Often?" she asked with a cheeky smile.

"At least a couple of times a day," he admitted.

"Really?" she giggled. "That must be awfully inconvenient!"

"You have no idea, milaya," he moaned, thinking about the many times after training he'd had to calm himself down with an arctic shower.

"Do you ever think about me when you're…"

Dimitri groaned, pulling himself towards her and cutting off her question with a searing kiss. He was too embarrassed to tell her of the times he'd been unable to control himself, turned on by the _thought_ of her, his hand a very poor substitute for the woman he wanted.

The quilt pulled over them, they were warm and comfortable, taking their time to explore one another. Dimitri seemed fascinated with Rose's breasts, rubbing his cheek against each before stopping to nuzzle, lick and suck their peaks.

He loved the little noises she was making as he touched her. They knew one another's bodies so well from sparring, yet so much was still unchartered territory. She was running her hands over his backside, playing with the smattering of hair on his bottom.

"I'm a bit hairy," he said apologetically, noticing the way her fingers kept playing with the hair on his ass and the back of his thighs.

"I like it. It's manly and sexy," she groaned, snaking her hand between them to encircle his shaft. "But not as sexy as this…"

His hips bucked as soon as she touched him. "Roza!" he growled, breathing deeply to stay in control.

"Do you like that?" she asked, seeing a look of almost pain cross his face as she slowly stroked him.

"Very much," he said almost shaking with need, his accent thick with pleasure. They were still lying facing one another, and he pulled her topmost leg over his hip, opening her womanly folds to him. She slowly pumped his shaft up and down as his fingers crept toward their goal. "So excited milaya," he commented, his fingers dabbling in the proof of her arousal, skirting the entrance to her core.

"I want you," she said by way of explanation, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I want you, too," he said, losing himself in her kisses once again.

He found her tight pearl, stroking her gently and grinning with approval at her loud moan of excitement. God, she was wet! H e caressed her rhythmically in time with her strokes of his shaft. She wasn't holding his cock as tightly as he'd like – but it was for the best. If she had been, he'd have blown across her stomach by now!

Kissing her and pushing his tongue into her mouth he sunk his index finger into her wet cleft, penetrating her for the first time. He pulled his lips from hers, panting with excitement when he felt her heat around his finger, thrilled by the way her eyes opened in wonder.

"Does that feel good?" Dimitri asked her. More than anything he wanted to give her pleasure. To make tonight unforgettable for all the right reasons.

"Yes, but I want more," she whimpered. He knew she meant his cock, but he also knew she wasn't ready for that, yet. She was still too tight, and he didn't want to hurt her. He introduced a second digit within her, loving her soft mewling as his fingers curled to stroke her inner wall. He pumped in and out a little, mostly focusing on her G-spot and slowly moving his fingers within her to prepare her for his manhood.

Dimitri brought his lips back to her chest, watching in wonder as her plump breasts quivered with each shaky breath she took. Mumbling in Russian the words he was too ashamed to say in English, he told her how he wanted her to scream his name, how he wanted to make her his, only his. That he loved her. That he wanted to be her man always.

She was rocking her hips in time with his fingers, her hand grasping him more tightly as they used their hands to simulate what they wanted to share with each other.

"Please Comrade?" Rose moaned. " _Please?!_ "

He rolled her onto her back, kissing her deeply as he rested on one forearm, bringing himself to where he needed to be. Sliding the head of his cock up and down her folds to coat it liberally in her wetness, he looked at her and told her in English, "I love you, Rose Hathaway. I'm always going to love you." Then gritting his teeth to force himself to hold back he pushed himself oh so slowly into her. Her eyes widened in surprise. It didn't hurt as much as give a full feeling of pressure.

"Ok?" he quizzed nervously.

"It's good," she assured him with a nervous smile, looking up at Dimitri as he loomed above her. So he kept going, pushing a little further before pulling out just a little, pushing in again. It was slow going, but it was working; with each little thrust he was inside a little more, and the soft pistoning motion was giving her a friction that felt so good.

Her arms around his neck and back she pulled him to her. "I want your weight on me," Rose groaned. Worried he'd hurt her, Dimitri lowered a little more of himself onto her, still holding the bulk of it back.

"Fuck, Dimitri! You're not going to break me! You lie on top of me in training all the time, and I _love_ it. It turns me on! So lie on top of me, please! Stop holding back!"

She was right. He was holding back, and she could feel it. So he put most of his weight upon her, resting just enough on his forearms that he could bring his lips to hers. She growled in excitement, tangling her tongue with his as his rocking continued, pushing forward until there was no more for her to take.

"That's it, milaya. How do you feel?"

"I feel like I want you to make me yours, Comrade," she gasped, pulling his head towards her until his lips were on hers. "Take me," she begged against them.

It was his undoing; he had to start moving, slowly at first but her whimpers and moans spurred him on. He loved the way her arms were clinging to his back, her lips swollen from their kisses, her eyes catching his and showing her passion, love, and trust. Being so close to her was almost overwhelming; her scent, her little cries, the way she pushed back against him – bringing their hips together as they joined as closely as possible.

She couldn't believe after so much wanting they were finally together. Being with him was exhilarating and new, yet somehow seemed so natural and right. Like this is what they should have been doing all along. They really _were_ made for each other. Rose could feel her excitement building, but she knew she wouldn't be able to cum without a little help. So she slipped her hand between them, finding her bundle of nerves and rubbing it lightly. Divining what she was up to, Dimitri raised himself up on his arms a little. His hair hanging around his face, biting his lips, his dark eyes filled with passion Rose gazed at him as she stroked herself, loving his hardness sliding in and out of her slick channel.

She was tightening. She _must_ be close, he thought. He was desperate to empty his hot seed within her, but he wanted her to cum first. But she was so tight. So beautiful. He just couldn't stop himself; his hips acting of their own accord he was pushing into her haphazardly the feeling building within him before he let go, roaring his approval as his release flooded her, spurt after delicious spurt.

She _was_ close. Seeing Dimitri lose himself in passion, his fiery roar and then him slumping incoherently on her was enough. Teetering right on the edge, one more flick of her clit and she was gone. His in every way now, she keened his name, holding him to her tightly as heavenly waves wracked her body.

They lay together, still connected in the most intimate of ways.

Rose drew a deep shuddering breath.

"Wow, Comrade!" she laughed, nuzzling his neck and kissing it softly.

"Wow indeed, milaya," he chuckled. "That was worth waiting for!"


	3. Chapter 3

"It's hard to describe. I don't know how I first did it. I think I was dreaming and there was suddenly someone else there. I didn't even appreciate it was real until the next morning . At first, I'd imagine the place and me there and then the other person there, too. Now it's easier. I just kind of let my mind wander to the person and then most of the time I let their mind pick the place; although if it's their first time I usually choose as their mind doesn't really get what's happening," Adrian explained, reclined on a couch in the Church attic. He was about to light a cigarette when Lissa stopped him with a look.

Adrian had turned up on campus Saturday, moving to St Vladimir's for the rest of the school year to work with Lissa and Ms. Carmack on spirit.

After the diversions of Court, returning to High School promised to be eternally dull, although it wasn't entirely without its compensations. Working with Lissa on spirit had piqued his interest; but not as much as Lissa's friend Rose. Beautiful and spirited, something about Rose fascinated Adrian. It wasn't just her looks, although she was admittedly a stunner. It was the way she was simultaneously so strong but so vulnerable. The way she'd looked at him at the Ski Lodge had sucked him right in – eyes knowing yet full of innocence. She was a walking, talking, sexy as hell conundrum, and while his primary occupation at St Vlad's would be working on spirit with Lissa, his second was to figure out Rose Hathaway. He wanted to be the man to answer the questions hidden in the depths of those deep brown eyes.

"So where's your sidekick?" Adrian asked Lissa casually, not wanting to give his interest away.

"He's spending time with his aunt," Lissa said distractedly, misunderstanding Adrian's question as she focused on the seed she was coaxing to life in front of her. "He's been struggling since Spokane, so Tasha's visiting for the weekend to spend time with him."

"How's Rose going after what happened?"

"Yeah, she's ok. She's off outdoor survival training this weekend," Lissa said, looking at the now blooming seedling with satisfaction.

"A bunch of dhampir out in the cold and wet. Better them than me," Adrian laughed. He wondered for a moment whether the cradle robber was there with her, but pushed the thought from his mind. "So if it's just the two of us, what do you want to do?"

"Keep practicing spirit?" Lissa suggested.

"We can't do that all day; it's not worth the burnout. Let's go find Christian and his aunt?" Adrian suggested.

It probably wasn't a bad idea Lissa thought. Although she'd had explained to Christian a thousand times she wasn't interested in Adrian, he still wasn't thrilled about the amount of time the two of them spent alone together. Maybe hanging out as a group might help with that?

"Hey," she said when she and Adrian tracked Christian and Tasha down in one of the common rooms. "It's nearly dinner time – you want to come to the cafeteria?"

"Yeah sure. Tasha?" Christian said, wrapping a proprietary arm around Lissa and giving Adrian a slightly uneasy look.

"You go ahead. I was going to find Dimitri and see if he wanted to hang out."

"Oh, he's off campus this weekend, Tasha. He and Rose have gone on an outdoor survival camping weekend," Lissa explained.

"What? In this weather? Dhampir are crazy," Christian laughed. "They must have been snowed out because Blake and Eddie were up here earlier doing a group assignment for Animal Phys."

"I think just Rose and Guardian Belikov went. She said it was to make up for her missing the survival skills last year while we were away."

Lissa might have missed the flash of Tasha's aura, but Adrian didn't. Interesting. Either Tasha batted for the other team, or Rose had a bit of competition for Guardian Boring Borscht's attention, he thought.

"Hmm. Hope they've got a fire burning. It'll be freezing out there. Although I suppose they could share a tent for warmth," Adrian said innocently. Lissa and Christian didn't react to his words, but there was a deep flash of jealousy from Tasha. "So – dinner?" he added, quickly changing topics. Lissa could be a big ally in his pursuit of Rose, and giving her any idea there might be something between Rose and Belikov might get her to throw her support in that direction. Best, for now, she stay ignorant to Belikov's illicit interest in Rose.

The four of them wandered down to the cafeteria, taking their time over their Saturday night meal. Lissa and Christian were all loved up, and Tasha was eating but looking unhappy. Adrian watched her with interest. It was 7.30 am Moroi time – so early on a Saturday night. With nothing else to occupy themselves the four decided to retire to one of the smaller common rooms and watch a film. Not that anyone did much watching. Lissa and Christian were making out, Tasha was staring in the general direction of the screen lost in thought, and Adrian was looking at Tasha. Her aura was fascinating. It kept swirling between pink (love), army green ( uncertainty), dark maroon (frustration) and sunshine yellow (happiness and pride). The latter was whenever she looked at Christian.

"So how long are you staying?" Adrian asked, trying to tempt Tasha into conversation.

"Well I was going to go back on Sunday, but I'd like to see Guardian Belikov while I'm here, so I might extend a day or two." Pink flashes. So it was the cradle robber she wanted.

"Yes, I should imagine he and Rose will be back ready for classes on Mond ay." Army green and maroon. She was subconsciously worried about Rose, Adrian surmised. Not that he was surprised. Anyone with eyes could see there was something between Rose and Belikov. Still, there were none so blind as those who didn't _want_ to see.

The movie over they went their separate ways. Christian to walk Lissa to her room, them all pretending they didn't know he intended to stay over for a little sexytime. Adrian walked Tasha back to guest quarters. It was barely 9 am. Early. Adrian knew he should do the polite thing and ask her in to hang out, but after hearing about Rose and Belikov's weekend away, he just wanted to go to grab a bottle and wipe himself out. So bidding Tasha farewell when they reached his door, that's exactly what he did.

It was lunchtime Sunday when he woke; just after midnight. Walking to the bathroom with a pounding head, he took a shower. Shaving would have to wait until he was feeling less crappy. He was hungry, so after dressing, he made the slow move across campus towards the cafeteria. It was crisp out. Not snowing, but very cold. Still, cold was better than hot when it came to a hangover; this he knew from long experience. He hated to admit it, but using so much spirit was affecting him. It was going to be a hard four months until graduation.

He was passing the back of the Novice dorms when he spotted her. Rose. Good God she was magnificent. More than beautiful, she was glowing. Standing next to a Honda Pilot fetching her bag from the back, she was carefree - laughing and smiling. In their short acquaintance, Adrian had never seen her looking so happy and at peace. She was gazing at someone standing behind the car's boot with adoration, and that's when Adrian spotted Belikov.

When Adrian left campus after Mason's funeral, Belikov been quiet and subdued, his aura filled with sadness, worry, and guilt. But not now. He, too, was glowing. Adrian didn't even have to concentrate to see the deep pink, red and yellow that radiated from their auras. Love, desire, and joy. It would have been less obvious what was happening if they'd each worn a TShirt emblazoned with 'We're madly in love and just had sex together for the first time.'

Unobserved by the lovers, he stopped to pull out a clove cigarette, using the moment to compose himself. Right then and there he saw he'd never be anything other than a friend to Rose. This wasn't a schoolgirl crush – she was head over feet, and Belikov felt the same way. He was bitterly disappointed. Angry, too. But the heart wants what the heart wants – and Rose's wanted Dimitri.

"Well hello little Dhampir," he said, striding towards the two of them. "You're looking a bit more _adult_ than when I last saw you," he joked, giving Rose and then Dimitri a knowing look.

Rose's eyes flicked to Dimitri's in alarm; the older guardian wiping his face clear of any emotion stared at Adrian impassively.

"Lord Ivashkov," he greeted coolly.

"The cradle robber speaks," Adrian taunted, noticing the protective way Dimitri stepped in front of Rose. The way his first reaction was to defend and shield her from any threat. It was the actions of a man in love, and while it sucked to see Rose's beautiful brown doe eyes looking at another man with such love, trust, and admiration, at least the guy in question felt the same way about her. It would have hurt more to see her give her love to an asshole or a man who didn't appreciate the prize he'd been given.

"Don't worry, Belikov. Your naughty little secret is safe with me. Did the two of you have a good weekend away? _Teach_ her a lot, did you?" he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, trying to drag his mind away from the unbidden image of Rose on her back, head thrown back in bliss as another man labored between her thighs, introducing her to the pleasures of making love. He was so busy baiting Dimitri he almost missed the flash of sadness and worry from Rose. A moment before she'd been on top of the world; and now she was scared and upset. Because of him.

"I'm just teasing," he said, turning back to Rose, his voice contrite. "I can see how you feel about each other. Auras don't lie. I wish it had been me, but I won't ruin this for you. I won't give the two of you away, and I'll help you protect your secret, " he solemnly promised. And surprisingly he meant it. He wanted Rose to be happy.

Dimitri opened his mouth to deny any knowledge of what Adrian was talking about, but Rose stepped forward and hugged Adrian.

"Thank you," she said so quietly Dimitri almost couldn't hear it. "I'm sorry, Adrian, but he's the one. It would have been easier if it was someone else, but it's him, and it's always going to be him."

Looking at their auras, unfortunately, Adrian had to agree.

"Then I wish you happiness, little Dhampir. I'm off to lunch – do you two care to join me?"

"I would, but we got burgers on the way through. I need to get back into Moroi time, so I was just going to crash," Rose explained.

"And you Guardian Belikov?" Adrian asked, almost disguising the disdain in his voice.

"I need to return the vehicle, and then I'l l also retire," he said stiffly, his distrust of Adrian painfully apparent.

"Well sleep well, both of you. Tasha Ozera is looking for you, cradle robber – shall I tell her she'll find you in your room?"

Rose looked to the ground.

"Adrian? If you see her, can you not mention we're back?" Her eyes were pleading, and he knew he'd do anything she asked when she looked at him like that. "Please?"

"You got it, little Dhampir. I didn't see you. Either of you," he said, smiling at Rose and giving Dimitri a nod before he sauntered off towards the cafeteria.

"I'll return the car and equipment, and then come up to your room, milaya," Dimitri said softly, gazing love struck at Rose once Adrian had disappeared.

"Ok," she whispered, giving him a final devoted look before slipping unseen up the stairs to her dorm room. Fifteen minutes later Dimitri slipped in via Rose's unlocked door to find his woman sound asleep on her bed, wearing nothing but a tiny pair of sleep shorts and a tank top. Taking off his duster, boots, shirt, and p ants he set the alarm on his phone and carefully climbed into bed next to her wearing just his boxers. They were both exhausted, but the opportunity to spend a few more hours together was irresistible; even if they'd just be sleeping. Within minutes the two of them were deeply asleep, his arm protectively draped around her waist, both of them with happy smiles on their faces.

"You're up late?" Lissa said, not unkindly when Adrian walked into the cafeteria to join them for lunch.

"Busy night," Adrian said self-deprecatingly. It had been; h e'd been busy drinking himself into oblivion, and he had a feeling he'd be doing the same again tonight. "What have you been up to?"

"Just hanging out with Christian and Tasha," Lissa said fondly giving her boyfriend and his aunt an affectionate look. "Are you up to showing them what we've learned to do with spirit?" she asked him with an imploring expression.

Adrian nodded. He wasn't incognizant of Christian's mistrust of the time he spent with Lissa. Showing him they'd actually been working on their magic would go a long way towards setting his mind at ease. And while he'd find it amusing to tease the guy, his reason for being here was to try and learn more about spirit - and Christian feeling secure about the time he was spending with Lissa would help him achieve that.

"Sure," he drawled. "Tasha? You want to see?"

"I'd love to, but I really need to find Dimitri. He must be back by now."

Adrian shrugged noncommittally.

"We'll be in the small common room if you can't find him."

Adrian had a quick meal and went to the feeders with Lissa and Christian while Tasha went to the Guardian Quarters. Knocking at Dimitri's door there was no response. Maybe he wasn't back yet? If only there were a w ay to know for sure, she pondered. If he'd gone off campus, then he'd had to have taken a car. Maybe a quick trip to the motor pool was in order? Guardians _loved_ their paperwork – if he'd come back in, they'd surely have a record of it?

With a spring in her step, she walked to the motor pool. Once there it was just too easy; she asked the attendant whether Guardian Belikov had signed back in. She discovered he had some half an hour before. The gregarious guardian was happy to reveal he'd said he was tired and had been off to catch some sleep. Tasha thanked him and turned back in the direction she'd come from. Perhaps he'd stopped to return some equipment or grab something to eat on the way to his room?

She was unable to explain why her feet took her away from the guardian dorms towards the Novice ones, yet for some reason they did. A friendly Novice was able to point her in the direction of Rose's room. Tasha stood in the deserted corridor trying to decide whether to knock. Rose must be exhausted, and it was pathetic waking her just to ask where Dimitri was. She turned away from the door, pulling out her phone to ring Dimitri; it was easier than looking for him all over campus.

Pressing call, she heard a phone ring back down the corridor. She walked back towards the ringing, realizing it was coming from Rose's room. She hung up, giving it a minute or two before dialing Dimitri's number again. When the phone rang again from within Rose's room, the crushing reality became apparent. Dimitri was back, and by the looks of it, he was spending time in Rose's dorm room!

She hung up a second time, walking away down the corridor, all sorts of explanations going through her mind. But like a domino show, now the idea had been planted one by one the pieces fell, and she could see everything. That stupid, stupid man. He hadn't been lying when he'd told her his heart was elsewhere. The idiot had given it to a _student_! If this got out, it would ruin his career and Rose's. Tasha had always been perplexed by the way they'd interacted; the banter and the indulgent way he'd tolerate Rose's sarcasm and churlishness. Now she knew why. Looking back, in her heart of hearts she realized she'd probably known for a while. The way Dimka loathed Adrian must be because of his interest in Rose, too. Of all the stupid, foolish things to do, falling in love with a student took the cake. And if they were going away off-campus alone together, and he was hanging out in her room, Tasha could only assume their relationship had progressed to being sexual.

She walked almost in a daze back to the Moroi dorms, finding Christian, Lissa, and Adrian and sitting to watch them use spirit although she didn't take in anything. Her mind was working overtime on Dimitri and Rose. She was almost certain Christian didn't know. She couldn't be so sure about Lissa or Adrian, but it wasn't something she could ask without giving her knowledge away. She wondered whether anyone else suspected. Rose wasn't close with her mother, so that wasn't likely. Guardian Petrov seemed quite observant, but Dimitri wasn't stupid – he'd be discreet. But not discreet enough for _her_ not to realize…

"Penny for your thoughts?" Adrian asked, looking at Tasha shrewdly once the spirit demonstration was over. She shivered. Sometimes the way Adrian looked at her made her feel like he knew her every secret.

"Sorry, I was miles away," she replied evasively.

"Did you end up finding Guardian Belikov?" Lissa asked Tasha innocently.

"No – I was halfway to his room when I realized he'd probably be changing back to Moroi time so was most likely asleep. I'll catch him after his morning training with Rose tomorrow." The lie slipped easily from her tongue, but it wasn't enough to fool Adrian. He noticed the way Tasha's eyes dipped away from Lissa's as she spoke – a surefire sign of a falsehood.

Tasha looked up, catching Adrian staring at her.

"You must be looking forward to seeing Rose?" she asked, watching him carefully.

"I'm _always_ happy to see my little Dhampir," he said enigmatically. "There's always so much going on with her."

"Isn't there just," Tasha muttered under her breath, a surge of anger and envy coursing through her.


	4. Chapter 4

Tasha had been tossing and turning all night. No matter how much she wished otherwise, her thoughts kept returning to Dimitri, and by extension Rose. By 5 pm she knew sleep was going to elude her, so she made the decision to speak with Dimitri. To tell him what she knew and encourage him to cool things off, at least until Rose had graduated. She and Dimka had been friends a long time; she didn't want to see him fired, or worse, over an infatuation.

Showering, and putting on her nicest pair of workout clothes, she walked purposefully towards the gym. She'd heard him joke so many times about Rose being tardy, so she was confident she'd get the opportunity to speak with him privately. But that wasn't the way it worked out. Walking through the open doors to the gym, she found Rose was already there, and already _well_ involved with Dimitri!

He had her pressed back against the side wall of the gym; her sports crop top yanked up, her full breasts on display. Well nearly on display. Dimitri was bending down, his lips attached to the nipple of one, one of his large hands toying with the other. Rose's eyes were closed, and she was groaning as he mouthed her, one of his long legs pushed hard in between hers.

Staring at the couple in disbelief, Tasha started when she heard Rose grumble as Dimitri transferred his mouth from one breast to the other before her excited gasps resumed with his renewed oral assault. Watching the man she loved pleasure another woman, his student, nearly broke her. _Knowing_ Dimitri loved another woman was entirely different to _seeing_ it. And as Tasha silently lifted her phone and started to record the travesty she was witnessing she felt her heart shatter within her chest. She was angry at Rose, but more than anything it was Dimitri Tasha was furious with. He should want that sort of action with _her,_ not his teenaged student.

Watching almost transfixed, Tasha could taste bile in her mouth as Rose wrapped her arms around Dimitri's neck, the tall guardian hoisting the smaller Novice up until she wrapped her legs around his hips. She could see him grinding himself against Rose, pushing her hard against the wall as the curvy Dhampir groaned with want. And as she observed, so did the video camera of her phone.

"Please Dimitri? I know we shouldn't, but I need you to make love to me again," Rose begged softly, her eyes still closed as Dimitri kissed the slender column of her neck. Tasha had seen enough. It was pretty clear the sort of training Rose wanted Dimitri to lead her in this morning. She understood. It was the same thing she'd fantasized about for months as she'd worked up the courage to make her suggestion to Dimka. A proposal that had apparently come too late. Pocketing her phone, Tasha turned, slinking away from the gym unseen. She'd had no sleep, and didn't want to act rashly, so she returned to her room in guest quarters. She refused to believe this is the way things were meant to work out – she just needed to think about it.

Back in the gym, Dimitri pulled himself away from Rose panting, carefully setting her back onto her feet before adjusting himself.

"Milaya! We can't do that. Not here. _Anyone_ could walk in and see us. We have to be careful. It's not that I don't want to make love to you right here and now. But we can't."

"I know," Rose grumbled, her nipples still wet from her lover's lips and tongue. Pulling her crop top back over her breasts, she let out a long sigh. "Come on, Comrade. I think it's finally warm enough to do laps. Care to join me?"

Dimitri looked at his love, blessing her with a tender smile. "Let's go, milaya. We need to keep your endurance up."

"Ha!" Rose laughed, slapping him on his ass as she sprinted out the gym doors. "I think it's _you_ who's going to need their endurance, grandpa!"

Chuckling Dimitri followed his irreverent woman from the gym, his long legs easily closing the distance her sprint had created between them. They ran companionably side-by-side as they completed the first of their many laps. Things weren't perfect, far from it. But they were together, in love and happy. And right now that was enough for both of them.

"Good weekend little Dhampir?" Adrian asked sardonically at lunch, dumping his tray beside Rose's.

"Yeah it was ok," she answered eyeing him warily. With Adrian's capricious nature she was never quite sure where she stood. Yesterday he'd promised to keep her secret, but there was no knowing whether the Moroi playboy was of the same bent this morning.

"Someone doesn't like me sitting here," he teased quietly, his eyes flicking across to where Dimitri stood twenty feet away against a wall observing them coolly.

"I'm sure you're imagining things," Rose quickly replied, noticing the slight set of her lover's jaw.

"I told you, auras don't lie little Dhampir," Adrian laughed, looking at the mistrust and jealousy emanating from Dimitri's life being, followed immediately by the pinks, reds, and yellows as soon as he looked at Rose. "Oh that they did," he added morosely as Rose's aura reflected her lover's.

The two were soon joined by Lissa and Christian, and a little later Tasha appeared.

"Did you have a good weekend away?" Tasha asked Rose. "Learn a lot?"

"Yeah, it was ok. Lots of hiking, setting up tents, trying to start a fire in the middle of the snow. All good fun," Rose replied not meeting the older Moroi woman's eye.

"You can come light my fire _anytime_ , little Dhampir," Adrian joked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Ugh!" Christian groaned scrunching up his face. " _Tell me_ you don't use pickup lines like that on women for real?"

"Fine – I won't tell you," Adrian laughed. "And I won't tell you how often they work, too!"

"Unbelievable," Christian murmured shaking his head.

"Don't worry, you're still hot stuff to me," Lissa giggled, soothing Christian's ego.

"I think I want to barf," Rose joked, looking up from her lunch. "What did you guys get up to on the weekend?" she asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Lots of spirit practice," Lissa said brightly. "Adrian and I are going to be working with Ms. Carmick every morning on spirit."

"Every _morning_? Ha! That means you have to get up early," Rose crowed, laughing at Adrian.

"Don't remind me, little Dhampir," he groaned. "I don't think I've been up before midnight in years. There's something unwholesome about getting up at 8 pm!"

"Ha! Try getting up to workout at 5 pm," she laughed.

"Do you do that every morning?" Tasha asked curiously.

"Yeah most mornings," Rose said guilelessly.

"You must really love working out," the older woman countered curiously.

"Some days more than others," Rose said, not giving Tasha's words much thought.

Tasha nodded, looking at Rose intently for a moment.

"Well if you excuse me, I have things I need to do," Tasha said standing up. Her eyes ran around the perimeter of the room until they found where Dimitri stood. He didn't look as though he'd even noticed her; his eyes trained intently where Rose sat. Taking a deep breath, and picking up her bag, Tasha said her farewells.

Adrian watched the Moroi woman leave with curiosity. That woman's emotions were a hot mess. Love, lust, anger, envy, guilt, self-delusion, protectiveness, determination; it was all there. Tasha stopped outside the cafeteria, taking a moment to run through her arguments in her head. She had to get this just right. Finally smoothing her thoughts and her countenance, she asked a guardian where she might find Alberta Petrov's office. She was the key to handling this, Tasha was sure.

Alberta looked up from her desk in surprise at the Moroi woman standing in her doorway. She'd been wrestling with guardian rosters, her least favorite task of the month, but she had an ominous feeling she'd rather be attending to that than have the conversation she was about to.

"Ms. Ozera, how can I help you?" she asked, gesturing to a seat in front of her desk.

"Tasha, please," she replied nervously. "I need a private word please, Guardian Petrov," she said, shutting the door.

Alberta raised an eyebrow slightly. A closed-door discussion. It looks like her instincts were right. She regarded the woman in front of her calmly, waiting for her to speak. In her early thirties, Tasha Ozera was an attractive woman. Everyone knew the story of how she'd protected a young Christian Ozera from his parents when they'd willingly turned Strigoi; keeping them at bay until the guardians had arrived. But not without personal cost. As well as the scars running down one side of her face, she'd also shouldered the responsibility of her orphaned nephew – becoming his legal parent after his own were staked.

"Guardian Petrov? Alberta? I find myself in a very difficult situation," Tasha started, looking at her hands where they rested in her lap. "I have become aware of some information which has the potential to destroy people's lives. Indeed already has potentially caused irreparable harm. But it involves friends here, so I am not sure how to proceed. I don't want the people involved punished, but I think this is information that needs to be shared," she rambled.

Alberta nodded, turning the woman's words over in her mind. "Can you be clearer, Tasha? Perhaps if you start at the beginning?"

Tasha's piercing blue eyes met Alberta's. "It all started with Spokane. As you know Christian was involved in the tragedy that occurred there, and I have been visiting to try and support him through that. As part of our discussions, I asked him how Novice Ashford knew about the concentration of Strigoi in Spokane, and he told me Mason had learned of it through Rose. At first, I assumed Janine Hathaway had carelessly let something slip to her, but then I discovered it had been Dimitri. Guardian Belikov."

"Well, they are to be guarding partners in four months. While he shouldn't have told a Novice classified information, I can see why he might have thought he could trust her," Alberta said, sounding troubled.

"I agree," Tasha said hastily, "And I am not blaming either of them for what happened. It was a tragic set of circumstances, and there was a range of decisions that led to what happened," she assured the stalwart guardian. "But it did open my eyes to the way Dimitri and Rose interact. For a little while, I've been concerned that maybe their relationship isn't what it ought to be."

"I need you to speak plainly, Tasha," Alberta said with a sinking feeling in her stomach. What Tasha was saying corresponded with errant thoughts she'd been quick to dismiss from her mind.

"This should make it clear," Tasha said regretfully, putting her phone onto Alberta's desk and playing her the clip she'd recorded this morning.

"Nooo!" Alberta hissed, watching one of her most highly decorated guardians and his student getting very hot and heavy in the gym.

"I went to the gym this morning to try and speak with Dimitri about my suspicions, but this is what I walked in to find. I didn't make my presence known," Tasha explained. "Dimitri is a good friend of mine. If this gets out, his career will be ruined. Rose's, too - before it's even started. I understand how an attraction can form between two people when they're working so closely together. I like them both, but I can only see this leading to disaster. And I worry that if I've worked out what's going on, others can't be far behind."

Alberta was rubbing her forehead in frustration. She could feel a headache coming on. This wasn't the first time she'd had to deal with an inappropriate relationship on campus, although it was the first student/staff one she'd encountered. She inwardly cursed. How could Belikov have been so _stupid_? She knew he respected Rose. Cared for her, even. But not in this way. It should never have come to this.

"Thank you for bringing it to my attention, Tasha. You're right; this can not be allowed to continue. There'll have to be consequences…"

Tasha's eyes flicked up in alarm. "That's exactly what I was hoping to avoid! Neither of them deserves to have their careers ruined by a reckless mistake. We don't have enough guardians as it is, let alone one with Dimitri's skills. I understand Rose is also top of her class and due to guard Lissa. We can't afford to lose her either!"

"Then what do you suggest? This can't go on," Alberta replied.

"Maybe speak with Dimitri? Let him know there have been questions about his relationship with Rose and suggest he transfers away from the Academy? That will stop the situation, and no one has to be any wiser."

"It's a thought, but a reallocation request outside the main round always raises eyebrows. Whoever takes him on will be bound to ask questions…"

" _I_ wouldn't," Tasha said. "I'm Royal and entitled to a guardian; I've just never requested one. Dimitri could guard me for a few months and then apply for a new allocation in the main round if he wished. It would keep his record unblemished, Rose's too. Like I said – we're old friends. Their secret would be safe with me."

Alberta looked at the young Moroi in front of her appraisingly. "It would solve a lot of problems," she admitted. "I'd hate to see two futures ruined because of a bit of stupidity."

Tasha smiled tightly. "I'd prefer Dimitri didn't know I was the one to speak with you about this… It would be awkward having to live with him if he suspected I was the one who'd discovered his… indiscretion," she posed delicately. "I'd prefer you didn't even suggest me as an allocation. I'll wait until he comes to speak with me about what's happened and I'll suggest it then."

"Good idea," Alberta assured her. "I'll put it in such a way he doesn't suspect it was you. Thank you so much for letting me know about this, and for being so generous to give them a chance to move on from their foolishness. Not many people would be so kind."

"Like I said, I've known Dimitri a long time. I just want what's best for him," Tasha said, shaking the old woman's hand and leaving her office. She schooled her face into a calm mask, inwardly cheering as she set off to put the second part of her plan into motion.

Half an hour later she saw Dimitri in the distance walking towards the wards. Perfect! They wouldn't be interrupted out there.

"Dimka! Wait up!" she called out.

"Hi Tasha," Dimitri said with a guarded smile. They hadn't spoken since he'd turned down her offer and she knew he was worried things would be awkward.

"Glad I caught you! Sorry I didn't let you know I was coming to campus. My boss in Minneapolis was sick of me worrying about Christian, so she surprised me with a week of leave to come see him," Tasha explained. "So I get over here to spend quality time, and it turns out his most pressing concern is finding time to make out with his girlfriend," she laughed good-naturedly. "How've you been?"

"Yes good, thank you, Tasha," he said, only a little formally. He wasn't sure how she was feeling about things and didn't want to upset her further. "I saw you called yesterday. Sorry I didn't call back. I was off campus all weekend, and then I was sleeping. By the time I woke up I had to get to morning training, and I've been on shift since then," he explained, it sounding like excuses even to his ears.

"No biggie," she said carelessly. "I was just checking if you were at a loose end. Although I did want to make sure we're still good after the Ski Lodge? I don't want things to be weird between us."

"They won't be," Dimitri assured her. "We've been friends for a long time, Tasha. That's not going to change."

"Good," she teased, banging him teasingly with her shoulder. For the next half an hour they talked about mutual friends and general chit chat. Dimitri could feel himself relaxing as they spoke. He respected and cared for Tasha a lot – just not in a romantic sense. But he was glad he could still count her as a friend. When he and Roza were finally free to be open about their love, he'd be sure to speak with Tasha, letting her know the full reason he couldn't accept her offer.

"So when are you returning home?" he asked.

"Tomorrow. I need to do something at Court first, and there's an Academy plane heading there tomorrow. It'll save the two hour trip to Missoula to catch a commercial flight, so I'm catching a lift on it."

"Well, perhaps we can hang out after dinner tonight?" Dimitri suggested. He knew Roza would want to spend time with him, but after the way things got out of hand this morning, he thought it might be wise to put a little distance between them. Just for the evening. They couldn't afford for anyone to get suspicious about the amount of time they spent together. Besides, Tasha _was_ an old friend, and after his rejection at Christmas time, he felt he owed her a bit of his time. Hopefully Rose would be ok with it.

"I understand," Rose said two hours later, smiling at her Russian God with loving eyes. "It's ok; she's an old friend, and you want to spend time with her."

"You're not upset?" Dimitri asked cautiously. He had three sisters and had grown up in a household of five women. He knew the phrases 'I understand' and 'It's ok' were potentially dangerous; open to _wildly_ different meanings, depending on a woman's mood.

"Well I'm a little put out you won't be spending time in my room continuing what you started this morning," she said, looking at him from underneath her dark lashes, "but we need to keep things on the down low, and you should spend time with your friend."

His relieved smile settled any niggling concerns Rose had. Dimitri loved her. He'd spent all weekend showing her that in every conceivable way. She didn't need to be a possessive, insecure girlfriend.

"I love you, Roza," Dimitri said happily. "The last week has been the happiest of my life."

"Mine too," Rose grinned.

The two of them continued their workout. They were staking this afternoon, Dimitri working on one mannequin demonstrating then standing back while Rose copied his actions on a mannequin beside his. It didn't give the opportunity for casual touching like some of their other routines did, but after this morning that was probably for the best. Rather than slaking their desire, becoming lovers had increased it exponentially. Their passion was a dry tinderbox just waiting for a spark to ignite it, dragging them in as willing participants.

They were just about to wrap up when they became aware of a presence in the gym watching their session.

"Hey, Alberta!" Rose greeted happily. "You should see how good I'm getting with a stake!"

Alberta smiled at the Novice she considered almost a daughter. She'd seen her grow up since she was four years old, and it was hard to reconcile her memories of skinned knees and a gap-toothed smile with what she'd seen on Tasha's phone a few hours before. Somehow Rose had become a young woman without Alberta noticing it.

"Yes, I saw. You're doing well," she praised. "Guardian Belikov, can I see you in my office when you're finished training?"

Dimitri nodded. "We're done now. I'll just shower and be right up."

Alberta took her leave, walking to her office with a heavy heart. She wasn't looking forward to this.


	5. Chapter 5

"Dimitri," Alberta said, gesturing for him to take a seat before walking out from behind her desk to close her office door. "I need to speak with you about Rose."

Dimitri's pulse immediately quickened. Did she know?! But almost as soon as the thought occurred to him he pushed it away. Other than this morning, they'd been careful. She probably just wanted to see whether he'd managed to get through to Rose over the weekend.

"There's no easy way to put this. I know you and Rose are in an inappropriate relationship. I've had concerns for a little while, but someone came to visit me today to confirm it."

Dimitri's heart went from racing to standing still. He could feel his world crumbling in front of him. Not only was he about to lose Rose, but he was also going to lose everything he'd worked so hard to achieve. His good name and reputation, his unblemished record. All gone.

The two sat in silence for a minute.

"It's not what you think it is. We're very much in love," Dimitri whispered, closing his eyes and trying not to cry. "I know we shouldn't be, but we are."

Alberta nodded. It was some small relief that he cared for the girl – that he hadn't used her purely out of desire.

"I take it you weren't outdoor skills training on the weekend?" she asked.

"No," Dimitri said not meeting her eyes. "We kept trying to hold back but we couldn't. We wanted to be together, and I didn't want it to end up happening in the gym supply room because we couldn't control ourselves. I wanted it to be romantic and special. For her to feel cherished and loved."

"And that was the first time?" Alberta asked delicately.

"Yes," he replied, his head hung low. Speaking about it with Alberta made him realize how wrong he had been to delude himself that making love with Rose had in any way been ok. She was his _student_ for hell's sake!

"Was it consensual? She went with you knowing that was what was planned?"

"I'm not a rapist," Dimitri growled. "I've done so much wrong, but not _that!_ " He took a deep breath to calm down. "I would never hurt her, Alberta. I love her, and she loves me. It was a stupid thing to do; the weekend as well as falling in love. We both knew it was wrong, but we did it anyway. But I know the blame is all mine. I'm the adult. No matter how we felt, my job was to make sure nothing happened."

"Yes, it was," Alberta agreed, nonetheless feeling sorry for the tortured young man sitting in front of her. He was twenty-five. He'd be considered young in the human world, and it was hard to blame a young man for falling in love with a beautiful young woman when she so clearly felt the same way about him. That their regard was mutual had been obvious even during their staking practice.

"So what happens now?" Dimitri asked. "If there's anything that can be done to salvage her reputation or protect her, I'll do it. I'll say anything, claim to have _done_ anything if it helps her."

Alberta looked at her table top, understanding his meaning.

"You seek reallocation. As quickly as possible. I can contain the situation from this end, but it has to end, and it has to end now. You can't let anyone know what's occurred. If you keep your silence then there shouldn't be any long-term damage," Alberta counseled. "You should both be able to walk away from this with your reputations and careers intact."

Dimitri nodded, tears spilling down his cheeks. "Thank you, Alberta. For _her_ sake."

"What are you going to tell her?" Alberta asked, her heart saddened to see such a stoic man cry. "Will you tell her you were discovered?"

"No," said Dimitri, shaking his head. "If I tell her that her first response will be to take on the system head on. She'll ruin her reputation out of fury that this is the way things are for Dhampir. I'll tell her that I'm too worried about the potential consequences. That I love her but not enough to lose my job and my livelihood."

"She'll hate you," Alberta muttered, knowing full well Rose's passionate nature.

"I'd hate myself more if this got out and ruined her life," he said sadly. "I think I might be able to tee up an allocation immediately. There's an Academy plane leaving for Court tomorrow, and I plan to be on it. I don't want to tell her until it's settled and I'm leaving. Is that likely to jeopardize anything?"

"No that should be fine, Dimitri," she said, standing and coming around her desk to awkwardly give the young man a hug. He was doing his best to hide it, but she could see he was utterly destroyed. "I'm sorry this has happened, Dimitri, and I _do_ understand. You won't be the first or the last guardian who's had to put duty ahead of love."

He nodded woodenly, wiping his face clear of tears. Giving Alberta's hand a final squeeze, he excused himself to go pack.

Two hours later he was knocking on Tasha's door in guest housing.

"Dimka!" she greeted cheerfully, her words dying on her lips when she took in the look on his face. "What's wrong?" she asked, pulling him into the tiny apartment.

"I've done something stupid, Tash," he said throwing his large form down onto the sofa.

"What's happened?" she asked in concern. "What have you done?"

"I've fallen in love with someone I can't have. Someone I'm not _allowed_ to have," he moaned.

"Are you sure it's love? Maybe it's a crush, and you'll get over it?" Tasha argued, playing devil's advocate.

"It's not a crush. It's love, and she feels the same way. If I were in Baia and human, not dhampir, I would be picking out a ring and asking her father's permission," he clarified. "She is the first thing I think of in the morning and my last thought at night. She haunts my dreams and every waking thought."

"Then what's the problem?" Tasha pushed.

"She's dhampir. She has her commitments, and I have mine. And there are other reasons I can't go into why it can't work," he said, his voice sounding flat and dead. "I need to end it, and I need a reallocation as quickly as possible. I know it's a lot to ask after Christmas, but would you consider having me as your guardian until the next reallocation round in May? On a friends basis, I mean."

"Of course," Tasha said, concern written across her face. "But are you sure you don't want to reconsider this? Maybe you can work something out?"

"It's not possible," he said fatalistically. "Me loving her will ruin her life, and I love her too much to take away everything she's worked for."

Tasha nodded sympathetically. "Then let's get you out of here as soon as possible. The flight to Court is at 7 pm tomorrow – is that too soon?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm packed already."

Tasha tried to engage him in conversation, but once the particulars were organized, he begged off, retreating to the sanctuary of his room. He needed to let his family know, but he wasn't up to speaking so he texted his sister, Karolina, promising to call in a day or two. That completed he lay on his bed looking at the ceiling, trying to figure out how he was going to break Rose's heart tomorrow.

He hadn't slept a wink when the sun was lowering in the sky. Being early February, the sun still set early. It was nearly time for him to get ready to go to training, but he didn't want to. He couldn't bear what he knew was about to happen. He dressed in jeans and a sweater, moving his belongings down to the box room to collect on the way to the plane. With a final look around his now vacant dorm room, he walked to Alberta's office to hand in his keys.

Usually, Alberta started her work day at 7 pm, but as Dimitri walked along the administration corridor, he was unsurprised to see her office door open.

"My keys," he said, handing in his dorm and guardian keys.

"Ms. Ozera contacted me last night and explained you'd accepted an allocation with her. I've arranged Emil to pick you up from the front of the guardian dorms at 6.30 and then Ms. Ozera at 6.45 at Guest Quarters. He'll take you to the airfield."

"Thank you," Dimitri muttered. "Alberta? When I'm gone, I need you to look after her. Talk to her. She's still suffering after Spokane. Lissa doesn't have as much time for her these days, and all the spirit she's using practicing her magic effects Roza too. It somehow seeps through the bond, so Roza needs to keep training to work off the effects – it helps."

"I'll be there for her, I promise," Alberta said. "Always have been, always will be."

"I doubt she'll be ok for classes. At a guess I think she'll go to Mason's gravesite, but if not try the roof above her dorm window or the abandoned common room on the fourth floor with a broken lock."

"I'll find her," Alberta promised.

He'd barely reached the gym when Rose came bounding in. Her hair up in a ponytail, wearing tight leggings, a crop top, and a hoody, Dimitri was momentarily stunned by her beauty. Even in boring workout clothes, she was breathtaking.

"Morning Comrade," she chirped happily, taking a quick look around her before brushing her lips across his. "I missed you last night," she said with a smile.

"Rose, come sit here with me," he said, walking over to a wooden bench at the side of the gym. "I need to talk to you."

Rose looked at him carefully, for the first time noticing his casual clothes and his somber expression. "Is everything ok, Comrade? You're scaring me?"

He shook his head, looking at the floor.

"No. Everything's not ok. This has to end, Rose. We can't keep seeing each other; the stakes are just too high. If we're discovered, I'll lose my job and probably be charged. You could kiss any chance of a career goodbye. I love you so much, but the risk is too great."

"Then we won't get caught," Rose said in alarm. "We'll stay away from each other if that's what it takes. It's four months. I can do it if I have to. If I know you love me, I can do anything," she promised, grabbing his hand.

"It's too late, Rose. It's in every look we give each other. People are bound to notice. I'm drawn to you, and I know you feel the same way. The only way to stop it is for me to leave. I've accepted a new allocation, and I'm leaving today."

"You're leaving me?" Rose said in the tiniest voice. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Do you understand why?" he asked, his chocolate brown eyes looking into hers. The eyes that could read her heart. Her soul. Could he see he was ripping both apart with every word he uttered?

"I understand, but I don't accept," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "You told me that you'd give us a chance? You said this last week has been the happiest of your life," she moaned, not comprehending why or where this decision had come from. "Our night together was so perfect. At least it was for me. Did I do something wrong? Was it not good for you?" she whispered.

He shook his head, tears welling in his eyes. "Milaya, it _was_ perfect. Every moment with you has been pure bliss. I've never known joy like it. But I should never have let it happen. We have no future together, Rose," he muttered. "You know that. And thanks to my stupidity, now instead of _what ifs_ we're going to know exactly what we're missing. How incredible things could have been had things been different for us. And I have no idea how we're going to live with that."

"But where will you go?" Rose asked.

"I've accepted Tasha's offer. Just until the May allocations round. I need to get out of here ASAP."

"You're leaving me for her," Rose said, understanding on her face. "I always thought you would."

" _No_ Roza, it's not like that. I'm never going to feel about her the way I do about you. I will be her guardian, but nothing more."

"You say that now," Rose said bitterly, "but things change. _People_ change."

"Me loving you is never going to change, milaya. I'm always going to love you."

"So you say. But not enough."

"Can't you see I'm trying to protect you?" he wailed in anguish, seeing defeat enter her small frame. He could literally see the light leaving her eyes; as though each of her tears carried her love and admiration for him down her cheeks to ruination on the lacquered gym floor. He wanted to kiss her. Hold her in his arms and protect her from the hurt his words were inflicting. But he couldn't – so instead he sat impotently on the bench, his hands in fists trying to hold himself together.

With her final bit of strength, Rose stood up.

"Stay safe, Comrade," she said wearily. "Thank you for caring for me. Even if it was just for a few days, it was nice to believe that just for a moment I could be someone's number one."

She shouldered her gym bag and walked to the gym exit, not looking back.

"I'm sorry, Roza," Dimitri said to her retreating form.

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I wish I'd been enough for you," she said, walking out into the sun's fading rays. "If I had been, maybe you would have stayed."

With the gym at her back, Rose walked aimlessly. She didn't know where she wanted to be, just where she didn't. Tears blurring her eyes, Rose didn't notice Alberta standing amongst the edge of trees. The older woman followed her from at a distance, stopping once she divined the direction of her steps. As Dimitri had predicted, Rose was going to Mason's gravesite. It was a long way from the Academy buildings, but it was within the wards. She'd be safe enough there.

Doubling back to the gym, Alberta cautiously made her way inside. Still sitting on the timber bench, Dimitri had his head in his hands, tears falling in a guilty deluge. Clearing her throat to announce her presence, she walked over to the heartbroken man.

"How is she?" she asked.

"She's shattered, Alberta. She thinks she's not good enough. The kindest most selfless person I know - the woman I love with all my heart - and she thinks she's not worthy of being loved."

"She's young. It will take time, but she'll heal. There are a lot of other people who love and care for her," Alberta reassured him.

"I hope so," he moaned. "Because I just broke her heart."

If Emil noticed Dimitri's red-rimmed eyes when he stopped in front of the guardian dorms an hour later, he didn't mention it. And Dimitri was grateful he didn't have to say anything. Wordlessly they loaded Dimitri's single suitcase and one moving box into the trunk of the Honda Pilot, the same one he and Rose had used over the weekend. Climbing into the passenger seat, Dimitri saw a single dark hair-tie in the center console. Rose's. She'd left it there on the trip back. He picked it up, loosening his hair before retying it with her dark elastic. Other than a single photo and a heart full of memories and regrets, it was all he had of her.

Tasha looked cheerful when they pulled up outside Guest Quarters. Wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a tight sweater, and a cute waist length leather jacket, Emil noticed the raven-haired Moroi had gone to quite a bit of effort to look nice. But if it were for Dimitri's benefit she might as well not have bothered. He barely looked up, simply stepping out of the vehicle to collect her baggage and courteously hold the rear door open for her. Once she was seated, he closed the door, returning to the passenger seat.

"Morning Dimitri!" she said happily.

"Tasha," he acknowledged, still not meeting her eyes.

"Are you looking forward to Court?" she asked, pretending not to notice his inattentiveness. "I have a few days leave left, so we could hang out there before returning to Minneapolis? Or we could go home almost straight away so you can settle in? There's probably a few things we'll need to pick up now we'll be living together!"

"Whatever you want," Dimitri said. He honestly couldn't give a shit where they went.

"Ok, we'll decide when we get there!" she said merrily.

At the airstrip, they quickly loaded their luggage onto the plane. Four Moroi parents and their guardians were returning to Court hence the opportunity to catch a ride. The Moroi seated themselves in the largest most comfortable seats at the front, Dimitri and the other guardians quickly searching the cabin and washroom for threats before seating themselves at the back. Tasha was standing hesitantly, waiting for Dimitri to take a seat so she could seat herself beside him. Dimitri knew he couldn't cope with three hours of Tasha, so he intentionally took a window seat, immediately offering the seat beside him to another guardian.

Staring out the window as they taxied along the runway, they were soon in the air, looping low over the campus before climbing into the sky. Dimitri didn't know whether he really saw it, or whether it was a figment of his imagination, but in the dying rays of the sun, he thought he saw a solitary forlorn figure lying curled on their side in the fenced graveyard at the edge of campus. A girl. _His_ girl.


	6. Chapter 6

She had been lying out there for hours. She knew she probably needed to move, but she didn't know where to go. Everything hurt and the only person who could make it better was on a plane to Court. It was peaceful here, and right now she could use some peace. Dimitri's words were cartwheeling around her mind, and all she wanted was silence. For her mind to feel as numb as her body.

The crunching of snow underfoot alerted her to the imminent presence of another person. Rose didn't look up. Whoever it was she didn't want to speak. If she spoke, it might make this real. So she lay still hoping they would pass.

"Rose? You'll get frostbite if you stay out here."

It was Alberta. Probably the only person on campus Rose could stand to be around right now. When she didn't reply, the older woman sat beside her at the edge of Mason's grave.

"I come here to think, too," Alberta said, her hand smoothing some flyaway hair back from Rose's face. "It's peaceful, and… well… I remember them."

Rose hadn't thought about that before. She'd lost Mason, but he wasn't the only person buried here. As Captain of the guard at St Vladimir's, it stood to reason Alberta would have known most of the guardians and novices who shared this final resting place.

Helping Rose sit up, Alberta passed her a pair of warm gloves and a jacket. Both were from Rose's room, so she knew Alberta must have visited there.

"I thought you might be upset with Guardian Belikov leaving," she started. "I know you and he were good friends."

Rose looked at the kindly older guardian, hardening her heart towards Dimitri. Towards _everyone_.

"I thought we were. I thought I knew him _so_ well. It turns out I didn't know him at all."

Something about Rose's voice frightened Alberta. She'd anticipated tears or maybe hysteria, but not this. Rose's calm was unnerving. Alberta shivered, standing up and holding her hand out to the younger dhampir.

"You've been working too hard lately. Why don't you take the day off?" Alberta said uncertainly.

"Sure. I have to study for Precalculus anyway," Rose said in that strangely dead yet breathy voice.

The two walked side-by-side back towards the Academy buildings.

"If you give me a few days, I'll assign you a new mentor," Alberta suggested.

"Don't bother," Rose said dismissively. "I have my reps all set up. I know what to do."

"Well, let's give it a few days and then we'll talk," Alberta replied.

"Thanks for the gloves and jacket," Rose said by way of farewell, branching off onto the path that led to the Novice dorms. It was only when she was almost at the building that Alberta noticed the younger woman hadn't put either of them on.

It was 4 pm the next day when a guardian patrolling the grounds looked through the windows and noticed a dark haired Novice inside in the Guardian Lounge. It was Novice Hathaway, of course. That girl was always up to trouble. Moving unseen across to the windows he saw the Novice take several wrapped sandwiches and juice from the Guardian buffet. The cafeteria was open from 5 pm to 10 am every day, but with guardians scheduled on shifts twenty-four hours a day, there was always a selection of prepackaged foods in their lounge.

Hathaway had a history of escaping campus, and stealing food was a good sign that she didn't intend to be around for breakfast or lunch. She was also rugged up in warm pants, gloves and a hiking jacket, which didn't bode well. But he didn't want to wake Alberta needlessly. Their usually equanimous Captain had been decidedly pissy the last few days, and he didn't want to be the cause of further displeasure. So he covertly followed the Novice as she headed towards the outer edge of campus.

Using his guardian issue binoculars he watched her walking straight towards the Academy graveyard, and he was thinking that's where she was going to stop, but she didn't. She walked a few meters past it, stepping outside of the wards. He was about to radio it in, Alberta's wrath be damned, when she suddenly sat, opening her backpack, throwing down a plastic-backed travel tarp and fishing out a pack of sandwiches and juice. She slowly ate, sitting in the sunshine.

She was outside the wards, but it was still sunny out. Besides, there hadn't been a Strigoi actually on campus in _years._ The place was just too well defended. And the spot where she was sitting had lawn surrounding it. Even were a Strigoi to breach the walls, she'd simply have to step back behind the ward line, and she'd be safe. Still, something about the lonely figure sitting on the snow worried him, so he devoted the rest of his shift to monitoring that part of the grounds, surreptitiously watching her through the binoculars.

Rose had intended to sit at Mason's gravesite to eat her breakfast, but somehow eating there seemed disrespectful. Like feeding her body was tasteless when he was lying cold in the ground beneath his snowy blanket. So her feet carried her a little further out. Almost unconsciously she stepped over the ward line, setting out the tarpaulin she'd brought before seating herself to eat her stolen breakfast.

She couldn't face anyone. She didn't want to. And while she'd have to go to class, at least she could have breakfast and dinner out here.

The light reflecting off the snow was almost blinding. She should have brought sunglasses. Maybe tomorrow. Out of the corner of her eye, she kept seeing weird flashes, but as soon as she turned her head, they would disappear. She focused on eating her sandwich. It tasted like sawdust in her mouth, but it _was_ from the Guardian Lounge, so hell knows how old it was. As she ate, she could see the flashes solidifying in her periphery, but she intentionally ignored them.

She drank her juice, the tartness of the orange assaulting her tongue. How long had it been seen she'd eaten? She hadn't yesterday; she knew that. Discarding the question along with the other nugatory thoughts she was being bombarded with, she finished her juice, carefully packing the glass bottle back into her knapsack with cardboard packaging from the sandwich.

With a deep breath, she resolutely turned to stare where the flashing lights had been assembling on her right-hand side.

"Mase?" she gasped, looking at an ethereal manifestation of her best male friend. The one who'd died less than a month before.

He smiled.

She shook her head trying to clear her thoughts, but he was still there.

"Mase? Is it you? Why can I see you? Am I going crazy?"

He shook his head, flickering as he came closer, sitting in front of her in the snow. Well, not sitting so much as kind of lowering his semi-transparent form to the ground. The form she could see straight through.

"Can you talk to me?" she asked.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked but with a twinkle in his eye.

"Ducky!" she wailed. "I'm so sorry! About what happened. With the Strigoi. Between us. I fucked everything up! Are you ok? Did it hurt?"

"It didn't hurt," he said. "One minute I was there, and then I was here."

"And where is _here?_ " Rose asked. "Why can I see you?"

"I don't know where here is exactly. It's like a place before we keep going. God's waiting room, maybe?" Mason joked. "I think it's a place to stay until I'm ready to move on. Maybe you can see me because you've been here before?"

"When I died?"

"It's just a guess," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"Does that mean we could bring you back?" Rose gasped.

"I don't think so. I need to move on, Rose. I can only stay here a limited time. But I'm glad I've got to see you. You're my unfinished business."

"I'm so sorry, Mase. I was so confused, and by the time I came to talk to you, you'd already gone. I'd do anything to have that time over. Not to make the same mistakes again!"

"The mistakes were mine, Rose. I was stupid. I shouldn't have been there. None of us should have been. I don't want you to blame yourself. I'm just glad the rest of you got out; I want you to lead long happy lives."

Rose was crying. She'd missed Mason so much. He'd always just accepted her; been there for her without making demands.

"What's wrong, Rosie?" he asked, his opaque features clouding with concern.

"I miss you, Mason. I can't talk to anyone, and everything hurts so much. He left me. Dimitri. I thought he loved me. I love him so much, but he left."

"It was him, wasn't it? At Christmas? That's why you could never give me a look in."

She nodded, wiping her running nose with her sleeve, before telling him the whole sordid tale. And he listened, letting her pour her broken heart out.

"I'm sorry. This must be painful for you to hear," Rose said, suddenly realizing she was telling the guy who'd died in a misguided attempt to protect her all about her heartbreak at the hands of another man.

"It's ok, Rose. I want you to be happy. It's all I've _ever_ wanted for you," he said, smiling at her.

The warning bell was ringing in the distance. Classes would be starting in ten minutes. She'd been here hours, yet it seemed like minutes.

"I don't want to leave you," Rose said, looking at Mason mournfully. "I miss you so much!"

"I don't have to leave here yet," he consoled her. "Come see me again. Come as often as you want. I'll be just hanging out," he teased.

"I love you, Ducky," she said, tears pouring down her face.

"Love you too, Rosie," he laughed. "Now go kick Eddie's ass for me, ok?"

Rose stood up, collecting her mat and bag before walking back to the ward line.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," she promised, even as Mason's form was disintegrating in front of her.

She made it to her first class on time. She was so preoccupied she didn't notice Guardian Townsend excuse himself to radio in to Alberta that she'd appeared. Back in her office, Alberta breathed a huge sigh of relief. One of the day shift guardians had reported Rose stealing food from the Guardian Lounge and taking it outside the wards to eat. Apparently, she'd sat there for hours, moving only when the warning bell rang. News of Dimitri's departure hadn't spread yet, and she didn't want anyone to connect Rose's behavior with his absence in any case, so Alberta had asked Rose's teachers to report to her after each class, citing ongoing concerns after Spokane.

On his second account to Alberta, Townsend reported Rose hadn't said a word all class, doing exactly what she was asked but without making contact with anyone. Alto told the same story; there on time, she sat down and said nothing. Fernandes said he thought she looked a bit teary while she was using the equipment in Weight Training and Conditioning, but she didn't engage with anyone. In Senior Language Arts she spoke when spoken to but volunteered nothing. "I think you're right to be worried," her teacher had said. "I can't put my finger on it, but she just seemed... I don't know… Lost?"

Alberta sighed. She was an expert on managing guardians, not guiding teenagers through heartbreak. She was hopeful spending some time with Lissa would help, but lunchtime saw Rose headed in a different direction. She walked purposefully to the campus chapel, seeking out Father Andrew. In fact, she spent her whole lunch break there, speaking with the priest.

"What did she want to know about, Father?" Alberta pressed him when he'd rung her in concern. "I'm very worried about her – anything you can recall will give us insight into how she's feeling."

"Well, she was asking mostly about ghosts or souls lingering after death. I outlined how our faith believes souls can stay for three to forty days after death before moving on."

"Did she say why she was interested in this?" Alberta asked. She'd assumed Rose's questions would be more to do with love than faith or theology, but it had been less than a month since Mason had died; she couldn't be expected to be over it already. "Did that idea seem to upset her?"

"No. That's what worried me. She looked pleased. Almost relieved."

Lissa looked comforted to see Rose when she walked into Animal Behavior and Physiology in fifth period.

"Where have you been?" she demanded, reassured but also a little annoyed. She hadn't seen Rose lunchtime Monday, and it was now Wednesday. She'd been starting to worry.

"Around," she said evasively, dumping her books on her usual desk.

"You weren't at lunch?" Lissa pressed.

"Things to do," Rose said, grateful when their teacher came in and started the class.

She was spared an interrogation in sixth period as Lissa didn't take Precalculus, but the informal study groups in seventh period, Moroi Culture, gave Lissa the perfect opportunity to continue.

"So where have you been? You can't have been training now Guardian Belikov has been reallocated."

Rose's heart stopped. Lissa knew. But of course she did. Tasha was Christian's aunt – she would have heard from him.

"I still have to train, Lissa. Even without a mentor."

Lissa picked up on her defeated tone of voice, but she attributed it to Rose's commitment to catching up with her studies, not any sadness about Dimitri's departure.

"Of course," Lissa acknowledged. "It would have been better if Guardian Belikov could have stayed until graduation, but I suppose at least this way I'll get to know my new guardian before we have to leave campus," she mused.

Rose felt the rage building within her. Lissa was speaking as though guardians were interchangeable. Pieces of Lego that could be swapped in and out as required. Sure one might be white, another green but at the end of the day they served the same purpose, and they were replaceable; not worthy of any real contemplation beyond their purpose in protecting Moroi.

Gripping the edge of the table so hard her knuckles turned white, Rose managed to mutter, "Well I'm sure he had his reasons."

"Of course he did!" Lissa laughed with a cheeky intonation. "He wanted to get it on with Tasha as soon as possible! Christian said Tasha made him an offer to be her 'guardian with benefits' at Christmas time, but I guess they put it on hold after everything Christian went through at Spokane. I have to say, I never picked Guardian Belikov as the romantic type; he always seemed so serious and career focused, but it just goes to show!"

Rose was close to losing it. She could feel anger rising within her; her muscles tensed the way they did before a fight. She was doing everything she could to fight it and push it back down. Fortunately, Lissa was oblivious and turned in her chair to speak with Camille about a get together planned in the Moroi dorms that evening.

"Sorry, Rose," she whispered after she turned back, "I'd invite you, but it's royals only… I won't go for long – just drop by with Christian and Adrian."

"That's fine," Rose snapped, holding onto her temper by a thread. Lissa was offended. It wasn't _her_ fault the party was Royals only; there was no need for Rose to be a bitch about it. She would have invited her if she could! The two of them sat side by side working in silence until the bell rang. Both stood, wordlessly parting; Lissa heading off to see Christian in her next subject while Rose hit study hall.

Usually Rose would spend the period doing as little as possible, counting down the minutes until she was free to go to afternoon training with Dimitri, but today Rose knuckled down and completed her homework. Now she was counting down the minutes until she could go to see Mason. When the bell rang, she headed across campus in the direction of the cemetery. At 4 am it was still dark enough that provided she skirted the well-lit areas, she could head to her destination unobserved.

Slipping across the ward line, Mase materialized almost instantly.

"Woah! I can see you more clearly now!" Rose enthused.

"You're clearer to me, too!" Mase said, blessing her with a grin.

They talked about her day, and Mason tried to answer her questions about where he was. He described it as more of a feeling than a place. Kind of like floating around in warm, soft cotton wool.

"I'm not upset or angry," he explained. "I'm alone here but not scared, and I haven't seen anyone until you came along."

"Can you see the campus?"

"I can only see about a yard in any direction surrounding you."

Rose outlined what Father Andrews had told her about death and spirits lingering and, Mason confirmed that's what it felt like.

"I can't describe why, but I know I have to move on from here. I can't stay here forever. It's like something is calling me, but I can't hear it, I feel it," he said, touching his heart by way of explanation.

"You're not scared?" Rose asked, worried for her longtime friend.

"No," he said decisively. "It's peaceful, and there's no pain. More and more I want to go there."

They talked about old times, jokes and pranks they'd pulled over the years. By mutual agreement, they didn't speak about Dimitri, beyond Rose telling him about her conversation with Lissa, and how Lissa thought she was angry that she wasn't invited to some royal party.

By 7 am Rose had been sitting in the cold and dark for hours and as the first rays of sunshine broke over the horizon, she was starting to feel hungry. She'd skipped lunch, but she still had a pack of sandwiches she'd pilfered from the Guardian Lounge earlier in the day. She ate it as they chatted, not even noticing what it was she consumed. It was 8 am when a guardian spotted her while he was walking the wards, angrily demanding she get back behind the ward line and head back to the campus buildings. He radioed the incident through to Alberta, wondering why his Captain uttered such a colorful phrase when she heard his account.


	7. Chapter 7

By Friday Rose had a new routine; up at 4 pm to filch food then head to sit outside the wards with Mason. Attend classes and then training during lunch. More classes and then back out to Mason.

At first, she'd found maintaining a connection with him tiring; until she'd discovered the more darkness she took from Lissa, the easier it became. And taking darkness from Lissa was easily done because right now she was making _shitloads_ of it. Between her spirit work with Adrian and Ms. Carmack, and her resentful feelings towards Rose, Lissa was making shadows hard and fast.

Rose had managed to avoid Adrian until Friday lunchtime when he'd learned via Eddie where Rose was hiding.

"Stay away from me," Rose snapped when Adrian walked into the otherwise vacant gym wearing a sympathetic expression.

"Come on little Dhampir… Talk to me. Please?" he implored. He was keeping up his nonchalant façade, but it gutted him to see Rose devoid of light and joy. Belikov hadn't just broken her heart; he'd broken her spirit.

"What about? How the man I loved decided I wasn't good enough? How he took my heart and my virginity and less than forty-eight hours later decided I wasn't worth his time? That instead he chose to be Tasha's man? No thanks, Adrian," she sneered. "Funnily enough, I like to keep those thoughts close to my chest. I use them to torture myself through those long nights when I can't sleep," she spat at him derisively.

Her statement had the ring of truth because it _was_ the truth. Waking or sleeping Dimitri's betrayal preyed on her mind. Combined with the anger and resentment she felt from the darkness, Rose was constantly feeling desolate. In fact, the only time she had any peace was when she was with Mason.

"Lissa thinks you're angry with her because she didn't include you in an invite to a royal party the other night," he started, thinking to appeal to Rose through her friendship with the Moroi Princess.

"Of course she does," Rose said bitterly. "Because no one would ever think I might have a love life; that _I'd_ be loved and special to someone. And they'd be _right_. I _don't_ have a love life. I thought I did, but I was just another stupid Dhamp chick used for sex and then discarded. I just didn't think a dhampir guy would do that. I didn't think _he_ would do that. Guess I know better now, right?!"

Adrian flinched. The bitterness and self-derision were crushing.

"What happened?"

"We trained Monday after classes, and everything was great. He went to see Tasha after that, and on Tuesday morning he told me he loved me but it was too dangerous for us to be together and he left me. He flew out before breakfast with Tasha; he'd accepted her offer to be her guardian."

"There must be more to it than that?" Adrian asked in confusion.

"No. That really was it. He fed me a whole heap of bullshit about loving me and wanting to protect me, but it was all over in minutes."

"I would never have foreseen him doing that. I'm so sorry, Rose," Adrian said, and she could tell he really meant it.

"Not as sorry as I am," Rose replied, pulling on her gloves and turning her back to him, moving to the punching bag. "Now please leave me alone. I don't want to talk, and I don't want to think."

As soon as the final bell rang on Friday afternoon, Rose took off to the graveyard and the ward line. The guardians were used to seeing her out there by now. Alberta had put the word out she was to be observed but not interrupted unless necessary, but she had stepped up the number of guardians posted to that side of the campus.

Adrian knew Rose had been heading off somewhere alone after classes, so on Friday, he followed her. It wasn't hard to do; Rose was making no secret of where she was going. She passed through the cafeteria to pick up some food to go and then headed off towards the graveyard. Adrian was surprised when he realized she'd crossed over the ward line, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw next. It was night, but it was light enough thanks to a nearly full moon, but as soon as she sat down, it looked as though her aura darkened to the point where it was black. Not murky and shadow-tinged like it usually was even at its worst. The darkness took over her aura to the point where her own life essence was indistinguishable, and the area immediately surrounding her was darker than the moonlit area in which she sat.

Whipping out his phone as he observed Rose from a distance, he quickly dialed Lissa.

"I know this is a strange question, but did your mood just change at all?" he asked, trying to reconcile what was going on.

"Yeah, it did. I was feeling tired and irritable, and all of a sudden a feeling of peace washed over me. Why?" Lissa asked.

"Um, I think it's a spirit thing. I'll tell you later," he mumbled, disconnecting the call. "Little Dhampir, what are you doing?" he muttered under his breath.

Adrian stood in the tree line watching Rose in the distance until the sun started to come up. She was still there when he left to join Lissa and Christian for dinner. He sat with them, eating in silence and listening to the two of them speak until finally, he could contain himself no longer.

"I'm worried about Rose. Seriously worried," he said.

"What do you mean?" Lissa said. "She's just sulking because I couldn't invite her to that royal get together the other day."

"I don't think that's it, cousin," Adrian said, using the familial honorific Royals often used to allude to their shared regal status. "Rose has never been into those get togethers. Usually, you have to drag her kicking and screaming, don't you?"

Lissa tilted her head to one side, considering Adrian's words. He had a point. At the first mention of 'royal,' Rose was usually making excuses about a prior commitment. Once she'd even refused on the basis of it being the night she needed to _exfoliate her face_.

"Well if it's not that, what is it?" she asked.

"I think she's missing Mason. I followed her after class, and she's going out to near his gravesite. She was just sitting there. I think that's where she's going in the mornings and afternoons now she's no longer training with Belikov."

"She said she was still training even though he's gone?" Lissa queried.

"She isn't. I spoke to Eddie, and she's not training in the morning or afternoons anymore. She's not coming to meals, and she's not speaking with any of the Novices in her guardian classes either. This isn't about you or the party, Lissa. Something is going on with Rose, and I'm worried."

"She was ok until Belikov left," Christian observed. "Maybe it's that?"

Adrian pondered his words carefully. He didn't want to give away Rose's secret, and he was certain she didn't want anyone else to know about what had gone on between her and the cradle robber, especially given the way things had worked out.

"You might be right. You've had Lissa and Tasha helping you through it, but she hasn't really opened up to anyone except Belikov, and now he's gone."

"I could call him? See if he has any insight," Christian suggested.

"Let me," Adrian insisted, thinking Dimitri was a lot more likely to be forthcoming with someone who knew about him and Rose.

Lissa and Christian took off after dinner to 'study,' which Adrian knew from their auras was probably going to involve defiling the chapel's attic space. He went to the feeders and then back to his room. He realized he didn't have the cradle robber's mobile number, but a quick call to Court solved that problem. Being the Queen's favorite nephew was not without perks!

Opening a bottle of vodka, Adrian took a deep draught straight from the neck. Even though most of his work with Ms. Carmack and Lissa on spirit had been explaining not doing, there'd been enough hands on to leave him feeling stressed out and pissed off. He stood on a chair, removing the batteries from the smoke detectors before opening the windows and finding a saucer to use as an ashtray. Finally, he sunk onto the sofa, dialing the number he'd been given for Guardian Belikov.

It was 9 am there. Whether they were running on human or Moroi time, Belikov should be up. Adrian lit a smoke as the phone rang and rang. He was about to hang up when a panting Russian voice answered.

"Belikov."

It sounded like Adrian had caught him in the middle of something. It better not be in the middle of what he thought it was, or Adrian would find a way to rip the guy's dick off, himself!

"It's Ivashkov. I need to speak with you about Rose."

"Rung to gloat, have you? Happy you've managed to split us up?!" Dimitri snarled.

Suddenly Adrian was grateful there were hundreds of miles between him and Dimitri; the Russian sounded beyond furious!

"What do you mean, cradle robber?!" Adrian snapped. "I'm ringing to tell you Rose is all sorts of fucked up and find out what the hell happened between you two."

"Like you don't know!" Dimitri bellowed angrily.

"Actually, I _don't!_ " Adrian shouted in reply. "All I know is Rose is talking to no one. She's stopped training, she's not turning up to any meals, and if she's not in class, she's sitting for hours near Mason's grave. I asked her what was wrong and she said you'd decided she wasn't good enough. That she was a 'stupid Dhamp chick used for sex and then discarded'!"

Dimitri was holding his phone so hard he was nearly crushing it. He'd been in the middle of running. He'd run for hours each morning and afternoon since his reallocation. It was a good way to get away from Tasha, and it gave him time to think. What Adrian said was no surprise. He knew that was how Rose would react; that she would think she wasn't good enough. That somehow she was unworthy of being loved. Not that he could blame her for feeling that way. They'd shared something so special, and two days later taken off with no real explanation. Taken off with a woman who'd made it clear she was interested in being more than friends with him.

"I don't believe you, Ivashkov. You were the only one who knew about us – who else could have told Alberta?"

"Alberta knows about you and Rose?!"

"You know she does. _You told her!_ " he roared.

"I didn't," Adrian said. "I wasn't thrilled about you and Rose, but she chose, and she chose _you_. I wouldn't mind doing that to you, but I wouldn't do it to _her!_ "

"Well if you didn't say anything, who the hell did?" Dimitri said, surprisingly seeming to believe Adrian. "Alberta called me into her office Monday afternoon to tell me that she knew about Rose and I. That someone had told her about us, but if I got a new allocation, she'd keep things under wraps so Rose's career wouldn't be ruined."

"So you took an allocation with Tasha?"

"There'd be fewer questions that way. I went to see Tasha after speaking with Alberta and told her I had to get away from St. Vlad's as soon as possible. She'd made me an allocation offer at Christmas, so I asked did her offer still stand."

"So why does Rose think you left her to be with Tasha romantically?"

"At Christmas time Tasha asked if I'd like to guard her but also consider something more. She suggested we could start a family together."

"So you've dumped Rose and shacked up with Tasha. No wonder Rose is heartbroken!" Adrian sneered.

"I'm not _interested_ in Tasha. I don't want or care for anyone but Rose! I'm going to guard Tasha until the May reallocation round and get a new charge then. I told Rose that!"

"Well she didn't believe you," Adrian said with a sigh. "I'm worried for her. She's hurting badly, and I've never seen an aura as black as hers."

He was going to have to see her, that much was clear, Dimitri realized. He should never have left in the first place. From the minute they'd got off the plane, it had become obvious Tasha hadn't abandoned her hopes that one day they'd be more than friends. It had started with an embarrassing situation at a hotel at Court where she'd requested a room for them to share with a king sized bed. _Only_ a king sized bed (a situation rectified via a quick call to the concierge). Then she'd wandered around in skimpy clothing, 'accidentally' leaving the bathroom door open when she was changing. If she thought he would be tempted, she was mistaken. If anything it made him miss Rose even more. Rose didn't have to try to be sexy; she just _was._

Then there was the irritating touching. The way she put her hand on him when she spoke, or accidentally brushed against him as she walked by. He found it unsettling, and every time she did it he'd tense and move out of range.

He also didn't like the way she said 'we' when speaking with other people. It wasn't what she said; it was the tone. She managed to make "We can't wait to get home!" when she was speaking with her self-defense class sound like they were insatiable lovers, not flatmates or perhaps even relatives; the story he'd suggested they use to explain his presence at the studio and in her life.

But the truth of the matter was his life was meaningless without Rose. He'd never been an open person; Ivan had been the only person outside his family he'd really been himself with. Until Rose. With Rose, he didn't have to pretend to be someone he wasn't. No one else got him the way she did. Being with her felt so perfect and natural.

Determination in every step, Dimitri resumed his run, turning back toward the unit he shared with Tasha. It was 9.30 am Saturday morning. They were operating on diurnal time, and Tasha was at the studio leading a martial arts class. Weekends were her busiest days at the studio, but she had Mondays and Tuesdays off in lieu. Checking the flight schedules, they could take the red-eye to Missoula Monday morning and be at the Academy by 11 am. He'd suggest they both went – he was happy to pay for the tickets. But if Tasha said no, or refused to give him leave, he'd resign as her guardian. It would be a huge black mark on his record, but Rose needed him.

Now his mind was made up, a feeling of calm descended. In forty-eight hours he would hold his girl again, and he wasn't going to let go until she knew how much he cared. That she was it for him; his one and only. Yes, they'd have to stay away from one another until she graduated – but somehow they'd find a way to be together. Anything else just wasn't an option.

It was almost midday by the time Rose stepped back over the wards and walked to her dorm room. She was exhausted, and her head ached. It was so peaceful and calm when she was talking with Mason, but with every step towards the Academy buildings, she could feel her mood plummeting. She was tired and desperately wanted to sleep; hopefully tonight she'd be able to rest without dreams or thoughts of Dimitri invading her unwilling brain. She needed a break from the pain.

Fate was yet again her enemy. She tossed and turned, plagued by nightmares all night. She finally drifted into fitful repose in the early hours and probably would have slept through lunch had a persistent banging on her door not interrupted her sleep. Uttering some expletives, Rose opened the door to find Adrian, Christian, Lissa, and Eddie on the other side.

"Come on little Dhampir!" Adrian greeted, looking around her broom cupboard sized dorm room curiously. "It's 11 pm! You can't avoid us, today. I bribed an off-duty guardian to drive to get us pizza; I've got the refreshments back at my unit – let's go!"

Rose was opening her mouth to refuse when she saw Lissa's imploring look. She could tell through the bond Lissa was really concerned, and she couldn't deal with the drama of her worrying.

"Sure. Let me get dressed," she mumbled, shooing the guys from the room. Lissa, however, slipped inside. The two of them had been changing in front of each other since they were four years old, so thought nothing of stripping off in front of one another.

"Rose!" Lissa gasped. "How much weight have you lost? Are you eating?"

Rose shrugged. She hadn't been very hungry since Spokane, but she'd managed to get something down most meal times. When she remembered. And now she wasn't training anywhere near as much, she didn't need to eat as much she justified to herself. She looked at herself critically in the mirror. Maybe she had lost a few pounds.

"I don't think I have? You just haven't seen me naked in a while," Rose deflected.

She threw on a pair of jeans and a top, preparing to follow Lissa from the room. She really didn't want to go with her friends, but she knew that if she didn't, they'd insist.

"I've missed you, Rose," Lissa said, pulling the brunette dhampir into a tight hug. It had literally been weeks since the two of them had hung out.

"Yeah missed you too, Liss." Rose made the obligatory reply, but she didn't feel it. She didn't feel anything.

Still, the day wasn't a complete disaster. They'd gone via Lissa's dorm room so she could pick up some things and get changed, and then they'd headed to Adrian's. Everyone had made an effort; lots of fun filled talk – nothing that could get her down. Everyone studiously avoided talk of Dimitri, Tasha or Mason as they ate pizza, mucked around and drank Vodka. After consuming almost half a bottle, Rose allowed herself to lie on the sofa, her head in Lissa's lap, the Moroi princess stroking her long dark hair.

"You know I love you, don't you Rose?" Lissa asked apprehensively as their group dispersed after dinner. "I'll pick you up at 10 pm for Church tomorrow?"

"I know, Liss. I love you, too. Always have, always will."


	8. Chapter 8

Stan Alto's first thought was how beautiful Rose looked. Almost ethereal. While it wasn't a thought he allowed himself to pursue when thinking about his students, she was undeniably a beautiful girl. _Woman_ , now, he supposed.

Lying on her jacket in the snow, her long dark hair fanned out around her, wearing a thin cotton oversized, faded workout shirt with Cyrillic writing and a pair of bike shorts. Her skin was uncharacteristically pale; her eyes closed, a ghost of a smile on her face. Her arms on either side of her as she lay on her back, she looked like a sleeping angel.

Fuck!

He lurched forward across the ward line, trying to rouse her, checking for a pulse. Nothing! There had to be something?! He'd patrolled near here fifteen minutes ago? Surely it took more than fifteen minutes for someone to strip down and freeze to death? And she was on the tarp – only her arms and her lower legs were touching the snow? She still felt warmish to the touch. Did that count for anything?!

Giving up on finding a pulse at her wrist or neck, Stan wrenched her top up and put his head against her chest. And there, oh so faintly under her crop top bra, he heard the beat of her heart.

Thank the Lord!

But then he saw three empty pill jars clutched in her cold fingers, and an empty bottle of vodka beside her.

 _No_ … This couldn't be happening! He'd seen her drinking from a bottle from a distance, but he hadn't recognized it as _liquor_. She'd been sitting wearing her jeans and jacket sitting on a travel tarp. She sat out here all the time, these days, so he hadn't paid too much attention, other than to note she was there.

Reaching for his lapel communicator, he activated it, barking instructions not taking the time to respond to the shocked and distressed comments and questions fired back at him. He picked Rose up, surprised by how heavy she was. She was a small thing. She couldn't weigh more than a hundred and thirty pounds, but she felt heavier. Then he remembered about 'dead weight' and how it was all to do with the center of gravity and weight distribution of an unconscious person. Prying the pill bottles from her fingers and putting them in his top pocket, he carried her bridal style across his chest, running in the most direct line to the infirmary.

He'd hoped the jostling would rouse her, but it didn't appear to have any effect. She lay in his arms, as cold and silent as the grave. He silently apologized to her as he started shouting, warning people out of the way as he ran towards the infirmary; right through the packed Commons. He knew that it really might come down to saving her dignity or saving her life. There was no way to hide something like this on a campus this small; if she lived everyone would know anyway, so he wasn't going to waste time by going the longer way skirting the commons.

At 8 am on a Sunday night, it was packed. The St Vladimir's weekly Sunday night roast dinner was in full swing, and the area was filled. Alto was vaguely conscious of startled looks and stares as he ran at full speed through the crowded area bellowing "MOVE! Medic!", Rose's hair, arms, and legs dangling loose as he ran.

Guardian Townsend had evidently caught Stan's radio call and was running towards them. "I'll take her," he said, grabbing Rose from the flagging Alto and continuing without pause onwards towards the infirmary. Alto stopped for a moment to draw a ragged breath as Alberta came towards him.

"What was it?" she asked urgently, knowing from his call Rose was unconscious and barely had a pulse.

"Pills and vodka. There's an empty liquor bottle at the site," he gasped quietly so they wouldn't be overheard, pressing the empty pill bottles into the panicked woman's hand. She nodded, taking off following Townsend post haste. While she wasn't tall and was in her fifties, Alberta could still move when she needed to.

Leaning over, his hands on his knees, Alto took deep breaths. He was in shock and still couldn't believe this had happened. Working with adolescents, depression, and suicide were not entirely unfamiliar, but he would never have picked Hathaway as at risk. Sure the Spokane thing was horrible, but Rose had always seemed to have an inner strength that set her apart from her peers. But considering it, had any other student been sitting outside the wards near the graveyard for hours at a time by themselves in the freezing weather, people would have stepped in well before now. She'd stopped talking to her friends, she wasn't attending meals, and all her routines had changed. All the signs had been there.

Brushing past the students and guardians who tried to question him about what was happening, Stan walked to the infirmary. He didn't know much about these things, but surely being unconscious wasn't a good sign?! He was halfway there when he heard the emergency signal over the PA followed by an announcement. It was Alberta's voice summoning Princess Dragomir and Lord Ivashkov to the infirmary immediately. Stan shuddered. As one of a handful of guardians on campus who'd been appraised about spirit, Lissa's healing abilities and Lord Ivashkov's purpose in visiting campus, he had an ominous feeling about why their presence was being sought so urgently right now.

As anticipated, when he arrived at the infirmary, the entrance was guarded by two guardians, no one being permitted entry. Explaining he was the person to have discovered Rose, he asked one to let Alberta know he was seeking admission. Unless Alberta needed to know the amount of vodka Rose had consumed, his presence might well be superfluous; yet he felt he needed to be here. Fortunately, Alberta shared his sentiment. He walked in to see the gray-haired woman sitting wearily on a plastic chair outside the main treatment room.

"She's still with us, but she's in a bad way," Alberta said she a shaky voice.

"You've called for Adrian and Lissa?" Stan queried.

"Yes. The pills were written out to Lissa and Adrian as well as herself. She may have stolen them. Dr. Olendzki needs to know how many were left in the bottles. But it would be good to have Lissa close." Alberta didn't need to elucidate; he got what she was saying.

"Have you called Janine?" Stan asked.

"Not yet," Alberta deflected. "It seems cruel until I have more to tell her."

"Alberta, if it's as serious as you say she needs to know as soon as possible," Stan said, looking away in embarrassment as his Captain started to weep.

"You're right," she said, mopping her eyes and reaching for her phone.

"Let me," Stan said, putting his hand on top of Alberta's and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You just focus on Rose."

The next hour was a blur. Lissa, Adrian, and Christian's panicked arrival, the very sad phone call to Janine, Alberta coming out of the treatment room to say Dr. Olendzki was performing a gastric lavage on Rose but things weren't looking great, and finally an exhausted Dr. Olendzki emerging to say things were touch and go and they'd know more in the next hour.

Alberta dispatched Christian and Stan to go to Rose's room to get some pajamas. She would have sent Lissa, but everyone understood she and Adrian needed to stay close in case they were needed. Things got even worse when Stan and Christian returned a little later with pajamas plus four letters; one for Janine, one for Lissa, one for Alberta and one addressed to Guardian Belikov. Rose had left them on her bed.

Wordlessly passing the letters to Alberta, Stan couldn't meet his Captain's eyes. Covering her mouth with her hand, she sunk into a molded plastic chair looking at the envelopes addressed with Rose's messy scrawl. Closing her eyes for a moment, Alberta opened the letter left for her.

 _Alberta,  
Thank you for everything and for always being there for me.  
I love you,  
Rose_

Sixteen words, but it said so very much. That Rose knew how much Alberta cared. That she'd cared, too. It was also a goodbye. Tears pouring down her cheeks, Alberta passed Lissa her letter. Lissa shook her head, not wanting to take it, so finally Christian took it.

"Do you want me to open it?" he asked as his girlfriend sat beside him crying.

She nodded, so Christian ripped open the back of the envelope, pulling out a single sheet of paper, reading it aloud.

 _Lissa,  
You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I'm sorry to leave you, but I'm too tired to fight anymore. I hope you have a long wonderful life.  
Love always,  
Rose_

Alberta sat there looking at the two final envelopes.

"Janine said she'd be here as soon as possible. Lord Szelsky is sending her on his plane," Stan muttered.

"Has anyone rung Belikov?" Adrian asked, looking at the envelope with his name on it. It was thicker than the other three envelopes put together.

"No. But I should," Alberta said, pulling her phone out of her pocket. She stood up to move somewhere private but stopped when the machinery in Rose's room started going haywire. A nurse stuck her head out of the treatment room door, asking Lissa and Adrian to step in. Alberta, Stan, and Christian waited outside. It seemed like hours, but it was probably twenty minutes later when a fatigued Dr. Olendzki came out.

"We nearly lost her for a moment or two, but Lissa and Adrian were able to heal her. We can take her off the life-support now as she can breathe on her own. Guardian Alto, could you please carry the Princess to one of the spare beds? I'll organize feeders now. Christian, can you assist Adrian?"

They followed the doctor back into Rose's room, Alberta going over to where Rose lay on her side on the bed. She'd been intubated, had tubes going down her nose, too, and there was a myriad of machines attached to her. Yet even as they spoke, Dr. Olendzki was starting to remove some of them.

"We only saw her at Church this morning," Christian said in confusion. "She was smiling. She looked _happy!"_

Stan just shrugged, looking away. Lissa was slumped in a chair barely awake. He lifted the Princess and carried her out of the room, placing her on a bed in an alcove across the hallway. Moments later Adrian joined them, leaning heavily on Christian.

"How is she, Adrian?" Christian asked.

"She's alive or at least her body is. Now it's up to her," Adrian said enigmatically. His brow was sweaty, and he looked manic. He'd obviously dug deep, and spirit was now exacting its payment from him.

Alberta had followed Christian and Guardian Alto from Rose's room. "Stan, can you please stay with Lissa and Adrian? Feeders will be here in a moment. I'm going to call Guardian Belikov. He and Rose were… close. He deserves to know."

She slipped outside into a secluded courtyard off the infirmary. At close to 10 am the area was sunlit, and looking out the window Christian watched as she sat on a park bench and spoke on her mobile for five minutes. Always a powerful, commanding presence about campus, Alberta appeared to have aged a decade in the last few hours. When she hung up she sat staring blankly ahead of her, tears running down her weathered face.

Roused by the ringing of her phone, she had another quick conversation before returning inside. In her absence, Adrian and Lissa had fed and were resting peacefully. Alberta came over to speak with Stan.

"It turns out Adrian rang Belikov a few days ago and told him Rose was depressed, so he made the decision to visit. He's on the road from Missoula; he'll be here in an hour. Janine has just touched down at the Academy runway and will be here any moment."

"What part does Belikov have to play in this?" Stan asked, picking up on the uncertain cadence of his Captain's speech.

She opened her mouth to answer when the doors to the infirmary burst open, five foot nothing of panicked Scottish Guardian charging in.

Stan had seen Guardian Janine Hathaway several times over the course of his career, including when Lissa and Rose had run away from campus but never had he seen her as distressed as today. A thousand questions on her lips, Alberta led the anxious mother to speak with Dr. Olendzki and to see Rose.

Christian was sitting stroking Lissa's hair, and Stan was dozing in a chair when Alberta and Janine came out of Rose's room half an hour later. Janine's eyes were red-rimmed, and there were still tears on her cheeks.

"She left a letter for you," Alberta remembered, pulling an envelope out of her pocket. "She also left ones for Lissa, Belikov and me."

Janine opened her letter, looking at the few words scrawled on a lined piece of paper torn from one of Rose's school notepads.

 _Mom,  
I'm sorry. For everything.  
Love  
Rosemarie_

Janine passed the letter to Alberta, Christian and Stan reading its contents over her shoulder. Pulling her letter unbidden from her pocket, Alberta passed it to Janine.

"There was no further explanation?" she asked.

"In her letter to Lissa she just said she was too tired to fight anymore," Christian said, addressing Rose's mother for the first time.

"I think we'll know more when Guardian Belikov gets here," Alberta said ominously. "Her letter to him seems to be a lot lengthier." She pulled the remaining envelope from her pocket and held it in her lap. Janine was eyeballing it, and for a moment it looked as though she was going to wrench it from Alberta's grasp and open it.

"Where is Belikov?" Janine snapped, desperate for anything that could explain Rose's actions.

"He's on his way from Missoula now. He left on a new assignment a week ago, Janine. Minneapolis. But he heard Rose was depressed, so he was already flying back to see her."

"Flying back to see Rose?" Janine asked, giving Alberta a speculative look.

Stan was watching the red-haired guardian, and he could see her putting together the pieces at the same time he was.

"Alberta was there something between them?" she whispered.

"Yes. They'd fallen in love, Janine. Someone visited me earlier in the week to let me know about it. I spoke with Belikov, and I asked him to seek a new allocation as soon as possible." Alberta dropped her eyes to the floor. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

Christian sat to one side next to where Lissa slept hearing all this. He was stunned. Of all the many things he thought he might hear, Rose being in love with Guardian Belikov hadn't been one of them. But as he thought about it, he could see it. And once he saw it he couldn't believe no one had spotted it before.

"My aunt," he whispered, surprising the three dhampir. It was as though the guardians had forgotten his presence. "He left to be a guardian for Tasha. No wonder Rose was devastated. Tasha wants to be in a relationship with Guardian Belikov. She asked him at Christmas to be her guardian but also something more."

"That's right," Janine said, thinking out loud. "He mentioned it to me. I told Belikov he should take it. That it was a good offer. No _wonder_ Rose was so upset! How long has this been going on?"

"Not too long, I don't think," Alberta said, shaking her head sadly. "I'd hoped it was just a crush."

"Oh, it was more than just a crush. To both of them," a raspy voice said. Adrian. His eyes were open, and he was looking directly at Janine Hathaway. "I could see it in their auras. It was true love. For both of them. And then he had to leave her."

"But surely she wouldn't have tried what she did because of him?" Janine asked, dismissing the more peculiar aspect of Adrian's ramblings.

"People do a lot of stupid things because of love," Adrian said ruefully, closing his eyes and resting again.

Alberta and Janine returned to sit by Rose's bedside, her mother holding her hand and sharing words of love with her only child. There was no knowing whether Rose could hear her, but Janine needed to tell her nonetheless. And if Alberta thought it was too little too late, she kept her thoughts to herself. She knew she was hardly blameless in this situation. She'd been taken in by Tasha's act of kind-hearted benevolence. Played for a fool. She couldn't have foreseen this outcome, but nonetheless, she'd contributed to it.

Janine and Alberta were sitting in silence, lost in their regrets when Dimitri arrived. No one tried to stop him as the determined guardian walked into Rose's room, his eyes trained onto his love where she lay on her side on the bed. Dumping his duffel by the door, he walked across to her, dropping to his knees beside the metal cot; his face level with Rose's where she lay on her side.

Janine moved back, giving the man space. She had _plenty_ to say to him, but she wasn't cruel enough to take this moment from him. From them.

Smoothing Rose's tangled hair back from her face, he was talking to her. Speaking quietly, he didn't seem to care that Alberta and Janine could hear his declarations of love. That they were witness to the gentle way he touched her or the way he covered her face with delicate kisses. Standing up, he left the room to find another chair, pulling it alongside her bed beside Janine.

"So you're in love with my daughter?" Janine asked. She'd attempted a hard edge to her voice, but it came out as a heartbroken mumble.

"I am," Dimitri said, his eyes not leaving Rose for a moment. "I should never have left her," he said with a bitter timbre.

"We will talk at some stage in the future, but right now our focus, _everyone's_ focus needs to be Rosemarie," Janine ordered. "No negativity, no fighting. A united front of love and support. From all of us!"

Dimitri nodded.

"She left letters for Lissa, Janine, myself and one for you," Alberta said, holding out Dimitri's missive. And with a shaking hand, he took it.


	9. Chapter 9

Looking at the thick letter in his hand, Dimitri ran his finger across where Rose had written 'Guardian Belikov.' That, alone, spoke volumes. He would have expected 'Dimitri' or perhaps even 'Comrade.' Her use of his formal title somehow seemed significant. Maybe it was a letter filled with recrimination and bile? If it was, it was no less than he deserved. He'd told her he'd be there to help her with the darkness, and mere days later he walked away.

He'd told himself he'd left to save her career and reputation, but he knew he'd left because he was gutless; not man enough to tell everyone to go and get fucked – that he was staying with the woman he loved! It was a decision he'd regretted even as he was making it; even before he knew just how severe the repercussions would be. He could _almost_ cope with the idea of Rose happy and living a life without him if that's the way it had to be. But this outcome was intolerable. He would never forgive himself for letting this happen.

Not knowing what to expect, or Rose's state of mind as she prepared to take her own life, he mentally prepared for the worst. Leaning back so Janine couldn't read over his shoulder, he carefully lifted the back flap of the envelope, pulling out a sheaf of three folded pages.

 _Comrade,  
I left your letter till last because I know it will be the hardest to write. But now that it is time, I hope I can find the right words to say goodbye.  
_

 _On Tuesday when you left it felt like you took a part of me with you. Because you're not just the one I love, you've become the one I share everything with. The one I trust with my hopes, thoughts, and dreams.  
_

 _After you left, I thought about what you said. I've thought about it all week, and in the end, it comes back to 'we have no future together.' While I didn't understand then, and it's taken me a while to figure it out, I understand now, and you're right. To be a guardian you have to be able to devote yourself 100% to your charge, and loving each other would not allow us to do that. The prejudices of our world wouldn't let us do that. So that's why I hope in time you can grow to care for Tasha. That way you really_ could _have it all. Love, a proper home and life in the human world, a family of your own; I want nothing less than everything for you. Because no matter how I feel about us, I want you to be happy. If anyone deserves it, you do._

 _I've been thinking a lot since you left. It's probably the first time I've stopped and taken any time to reflect since the crash with Lissa. It feels like I've been lurching from one disaster to another – running away, coming back, looking after Lissa, all the extra schoolwork and training, the Victor thing, Spokane, us. More than anything I'm tired. For a long time now I've done what everyone else needed me to do. I put them first. Well, I did until us.  
_

 _The week we spent together was undoubtedly the best of my life. I've never known what it felt like to have someone love me so completely. So while it was short, while it had to end, I don't regret it. Not one bit. But you were right again there too. You said you had no idea how we were going to live with the knowledge of what could have been had things been different for us, and that's the thing. I can't. I don't_ want _to._

 _Which leads us to here I guess._

 _I've been going outside the wards. It turns out I was right about Lissa's magic making darkness. Shadows I can and have been taking for her. That Newton guy said every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and he was spot on. Lissa's magic is hope and life, but the tradeoff is shadows of anger, despair and death. I think that's why they come to me – because I've been dead before._

 _It also turns out I can also see ghosts. I've been speaking with Mason. Now before you think I've completely lost it, I promise I haven't. I talked to Father Andrew about it, and he said spirits could stay up to forty days after the body dies, and I think that's what's happened with Mase. I was sitting outside the wards when I first saw him, and I've been visiting him every day since._

 _I've missed him so much, and now that you're gone it's nice to have someone to talk things through with._

 _He said he's in an in-between place, but that he has to leave soon. He said the place he's going to is peaceful and happy. There's no fear or pain there, and that's what I want. I'm sick of fighting, Comrade. Not the physical fighting – I've always loved that, especially with you. But I want peace. I want it to stop hurting. So I've made the decision to go with him. It's my fault he's gone, and with everything that's happened I don't want to stay, so Mase and I will make that final trip together._

 _I haven't been sleeping well since you left, but last night I had the best dream ever. We were back in the cabin, and it was you and I sitting on the sofa under the quilt cuddling and talking. I don't think I ever properly thanked you for organizing that trip for us. From the moment we left it was magic. The junk food, the lookout, the kisses, making love, cuddling on the sofa, eating the dinner you made us, falling asleep beside each other, waking up so in love in your arms – everything was perfect. I've never known such a complete joy and happiness as I did for those two days we had alone together. I once read that heaven might be spending eternity in your very happiest time and place. If it is, my eternity will be spent in that cabin with you._

 _So now onto the practicalities. I'm giving you these instructions because I know I can trust you to make sure they're carried out._

 _I don't want a funeral. I want to be cremated with as little fuss as possible and next time you're in Siberia in spring spread my ashes somewhere there. You said you'd take me, and I'm relying on you to make good on your promise!_

 _Please look after Lissa. She needs help managing her magic. I can't describe just how destructive the shadows are, but take my word for it – they're deadly. She's going to need you. Perhaps you and Tasha could move to be near her and Christian? If not, please keep in touch with her. I feel so guilty leaving her knowing what the darkness can do, but I just can't hang on anymore.  
_

 _Please let Eddie know I love him, and that Mase does too. Mase asked me to pass on that he shouldn't give up, and that red is a beautiful color (I am not sure what he meant by that, but he said Eddie would know?). Mase also wants his Mom to know he is ok and he loves her very much._

 _Keep an eye on Alberta, Mom and Adrian and let them know I love them and I'm sorry._

 _And finally you, Comrade. My first and only love. Please be good to yourself. Focus on the good not the bad. Death comes to us all eventually, but I'm glad mine came to me after I got to know how good love feels. So thank you for loving me. I know you closed yourself off after you lost Ivan, but don't do that this time. Keep yourself open to the possibility of love. If not Tasha then find someone else who can take your breath away. I want that for you._

 _In closing I'm going to steal a line I saw on a Valentine's Day card. To the world, you are just one person, but to this person, you are the world. I love you, Dimitri. With all my heart and I always will.  
Your  
Roza_

Dimitri read the letter once and then a second time, tears falling down his cheeks. "Milaya," he muttered. " _You're_ the only one who takes my breath away."

Adrian had roused and insisted on coming into Rose's room, followed by Lissa who was leaning heavily on Christian. Alto had fallen asleep outside sitting upright in a chair.

"What did she say?" Janine asked.

Dimitri met Janine's eyes for the first time, passing her the letter. "You can read it aloud," he said, recognizing the others were desperate for any insight as well. They were going to find out about him and Rose anyway, but it was easier if he wasn't the one to tell them. It seemed fitting it came from Rose in her own words, so he stood up, giving Lissa his seat at Rose's bedside.

As Janine took the letter, reading it slowly for everyone to hear, Dimitri started taking his boots off and emptying his pockets. He had his back to the others hanging his duster in the hospital cupboard and stowing his duffel, not wanting to see their faces when Rose's declarations of love and affection were made.

There was silence when Janine finished, each taking in what they heard and reconciling this new information.

"She loves you," Janine said sadly as she passed him back his letter. No one looked surprised, other than Lissa. Rose and Dimitri's mutual regard was obviously _big_ news to her.

"I love her," Dimitri replied. "I've resigned my post as Tasha Ozera's guardian. Rose needs my love and undivided attention, and she's going to get it." His words weren't threatening, but there was a hardness behind them they all heard. If anyone thought as Rose's mother Janine was going to be running this show; they were sorely mistaken.

"Christian? Can you get Dr. Olendzki?" Dimitri asked.

When the doctor appeared, Dimitri asked question after question about Rose's condition and prognosis. The upshot was everything that could be done had been, and Lissa and Adrian had both healed her as much as they were able. She was unconscious, but physically at least she seemed to be out of the woods. However, there was no way of knowing if or when she would wake. It was now a matter of wait and see.

"What did she mean she'd _died before_?" Janine asked. "And she's taking Lissa's 'darkness'? Had she lost her mind? Is that why she did this?"

"It's a long story, and Adrian is probably the best to tell it," Dimitri said, deferring to the playboy Moroi. While the effects of spirit and being bonded most intimately concerned Lissa, she was clearly in no state to outline her unique connection with Rose; since Janine had read Rose's letter to Dimitri, Lissa had been weeping inconsolably.

So Adrian started the long story about spirit. He told Janine about Rose dying at fifteen, being bonded with Lissa and shadow-kissed, about spirit and what it could do including the darkness. It was a sobering tale, and by the end of it, Janine wore a remorseful expression.

"I had no idea," she murmured.

"I followed her when she went to speak with Mason, and she was taking in so much darkness I couldn't see her own life force anymore. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think taking the darkness is what allowed her to see Mason," he explained. "Almost like the more darkness she took, the closer it brought her to the land of the dead."

"So you think she really did see him?" Janine asked, a little uncertainly.

"I'm certain of it," Adrian replied.

"What's her aura like now?" Dimitri asked.

"It's almost not there. It kind of fades in and out. It's just a guess, but I suspect she's with Mason now – in that in-between world."

"Then why is her body still alive?" Dimitri asked with exasperation.

"Because we healed her," Lissa said, speaking for the first time. "She's not fully here, but she's not fully there."

"Do you think she could come back to us?" Dimitri asked, desperation evident in his voice.

"I think she could if she decided to," Adrian said cautiously, not wanting to give the man false hope.

"Adrian? Can you try dream walking her?" Lissa asked, the thought suddenly occurring to her. "I know you're pretty drained, but it would help a lot if we knew if she could hear us."

"I'll give it a go," Adrian said, closing his eyes. "Truth be told all the darkness from the healing might be a help."

"Make sure she knows we're all here. Please tell her I love her, and I'm not leaving again," Dimitri said urgently. " _Ever_."

Adrian nodded, his eyes still closed. He wasn't an idiot; he knew if anyone had a chance of convincing Rose to come back to them, it was Dimitri.

Lissa was right, he was pretty drained, yet he slipped into a trance-like state, searching for Rose with his mind. At first, he couldn't find her, and that scared him. But after a few minutes, he caught a glimpse of her with his mind. He tried to pull her into a dream but he couldn't. It was like trying to grasp mist in his hands – there just wasn't enough of her essence to capture. So instead he tried talking to her from where he was.

 _"Rose? Rose it's Adrian? Please tell me if you can hear me? We're all here, Rose. We're all here, and we love you. Dimitri is here. He loves you so much; he needs you to come back to him."  
_

He didn't think she was going to answer, but he felt her presence before he heard her reply.

" _Adrian? What are you doing here? Are you dead, too?!"_

" _Little Dhampir!"_ he greeted, relief in his voice. _"You're not dead. You're in the infirmary. They found you in time and pumped your stomach and Lissa and I healed you."_

It was such a different sensation; as well as hearing Rose's voice he could feel her emotions. Surprise, frustration, anger, dismay, curiosity and last of all a tiny bit of hope.

" _We're all there with you. Dimitri was already on his way back to the Academy when you were found."_

" _He came back?"_ she asked, and Adrian could tell she was curious in spite of herself.

" _He loves you, Rose. He's resigned his post and he's come back. He said he's never leaving again."_

" _But it's too late, Adrian. I'm here with Mason, now,"_ she said, although Adrian could detect a note of indecision.

" _It's not too late little Dhampir. We're all here, we all love you, and we all want you to come back."_

" _But I made Mason a promise. He needs me,"_ she said, the resolution in her voice apparent.

" _Mason is going to a happy place,"_ Adrian argued, knowing he had to pick exactly the right words; he might only get one shot at this. _"He doesn't need you as much as we do. You should see Dimitri. He's beside himself, Rose. He loves you so much – this is tearing him apart."_

" _But he left me, Adrian. I don't think I could ever trust him again."_

" _I don't think he did it by choice, little Dhampir,"_ Adrian said quickly. _"You should give him the chance to explain. We all have things we want to tell you, Rose. You don't need to go straight away - please give us a chance?"_

" _I don't know how to?"_ she said. On the plus side, Adrian could tell she wanted to.

" _Imagine you're taking my hand,"_ he instructed, hoping this would work. _"I'm going to pull you back to your body; a bit like a tug boat with a ship. I don't think it's going to fully bring you back, but you should be able to hear us."_

Adrian could feel Rose's presence more strongly, so he started to imagine her body; pulling her back towards it. Coming to, he could see her aura brighter than it had been since this catastrophe started.

"I think she can hear us now," he said wearily, seeing a shift of Rose's aura in response. "Yes. Yes, she can."

Dimitri was the first to act. He very gently lifted her to one side, climbing onto the bed beside her. It was heartwarming to see the tender way he lifted her. She had a catheter in, as well as a drip, and was still attached to several machines, but he carefully shifted the wires and tubes so he could sit beside her on the bed, letting her lean back against him as he caressed her. While almost everyone there was surprised by such a blatant display of affection, no one said a word.

"I'm here, Roza. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. Everyone knows about us now and everyone's _fine_ with it," he told her soothingly, carefully resting his hand on her waist.

"I'm here, darling," Janine said, stroking Rose's face. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I should have been here for you more before now. I love you."

"This is my fault," Alberta said, gripping Rose's hand. "I found out about you and Dimitri and I told him to get another allocation. He didn't want to leave you. I'm so sorry, Rose."

"Please come back to us, Rose," Lissa whispered. "We all love you so much."

If they'd expected any response, they were disappointed. Rose lay there not moving, her breathing and pulse unaffected by their loving words. After a few more minutes Dimitri looked at the exhausted crew.

"Everyone needs to get some rest," he said. "I don't want her left alone so I'll stay with her. We don't know when she may or may not be listening or try to come back to us, so I'd like there to be someone here and conversation at all times. Perhaps we could take it in shifts?"

They quickly divided themselves into timeslots, Janine and Dimitri taking the first. While there was a palpable tension between the two of them, there was also the knowledge that they were working towards a common goal; and they'd do whatever it took to bring the woman they both loved back.

The others said their farewells and headed to their beds, but not before Alberta and Christian moved a comfortable recliner into the room, placing it right beside Rose's bed. Janine climbed into it, taking one of her daughter's hands between her own.

"What do you think she'd want to hear?" Janine asked Dimitri, a little lost.

"I know she has a lot of questions about her heritage," Dimitri suggested. "It might help if you could share some of that with her? It might help you, too?" he added kindly.

"I know she thinks I don't love her; that she's a disappointment to me. But honestly, nothing could be further from the truth," Janine started, not able to look Dimitri in the eye. "I was twenty when I fell pregnant with her. She thinks it was an accident, and I've never led her to believe otherwise, but the fact is she was very much wanted. I was in Turkey at the time; on my first allocation to an aged Moroi Prince. It was boring as far as allocations go; lots of Royal parties and standing around and pandering to the whims of a cantankerous and erratic old man. It was there I met Rose's father. He was young and handsome and I don't think either of us expected to fall in love, but we did.

"It was a whirlwind romance. He showered me with gifts. From the first time we kissed, he sent me flowers every day. Roses. Hundreds and hundreds of roses. That's why I called her Rosemarie, you know," Janine said, looking at Dimitri where he lay beside her daughter. "Rose after all the flowers he sent me, Marie after my mother Màiri."

Dimitri hoped Rose was listening. He knew she'd always wondered about her past and why her mother had abandoned her. Hearing she was wanted would mean so much to her.

"We were both so excited when we discovered I was expecting," Janine continued, a far away look in her eyes. "I thought we'd have a boy, but Abe was convinced she was a girl. He was going to be the proudest Papa in the world, and nothing would be too much for his little Princess. We had it all planned out – I would be his guardian and we were going to travel the world the three of us. It might have worked out that way, had it not been for his business interests. He's a powerful man, and like most powerful men he has a lot of enemies. One of them found about his interest in me and put a contract out on my life. They probably didn't know I was pregnant, but it didn't matter. Abe took care of the threat, but the damage was done."

Janine sighed, coming back to the present, stroking her daughter's hand.

"We talked about it, and decided for the baby's sake it was safest I disappeared from his life. I went to a convent in Romania for four years. That's where I had Rosemarie and where she lived for the first four years of her life. Her father saw her only once, just before I brought her to America. He adored her and she took to him instantly. We were both terrified someone would find out she was his, so I never told her who her father was. He was going to get in touch when she was eighteen. He promised me he'd let her have a safe childhood, so he stayed away, but he's always wanted to know her."

"Have you told him what's happened?" Dimitri asked.

"Yes. I rang him after I got the call from Guardian Alto. He's on his way here now. He's always loved her and he's desperate to come see his little girl," Janine said, dissolving into tears.


	10. Chapter 10

Dimitri was conscious that Janine probably had things she wanted to say privately to Rose, so fifteen minutes before the next person was due to arrive he told his beloved he would be back soon and excused himself for a few minutes. After taking the opportunity to use the bathroom, he headed to the Guardian Lounge to pick up some food. Janine would probably be hungry, and others might be too. He found a bag and quickly filled it with packaged sandwiches, fruit and some bottles of water and juice. As he was grabbing supplies Townsend walked in.

"Belikov," he greeted. "I saw your name on the sign-in sheet."

"I've been at the infirmary," Dimitri said, further explanation unnecessary.

"Ah yes. You were her mentor. Any news?"

"She's unconscious, but her vitals are good," Dimitri replied brusquely not elaborating; he wanted to be back with her as quickly as possible and didn't have time to stop for a chat.

Townsend nodded. "She's a special girl, Belikov. Tell her we're all rooting for her. And look after yourself. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

"Thanks, Duncan," Dimitri said, nodding to the older guardian before heading back to the infirmary.

Townsend hoped it worked out with Hathaway and Belikov. As the guardian with the first class in the gym after their morning training sessions, more than once he'd walked in to set up and witnessed their lingering glances as they packed up or headed to their separate showers. Alberta might have wanted to pretend Rose's breakdown was because of Spokane, but he'd been around long enough to recognize a broken heart when he saw one.

Back at the infirmary, Alberta had arrived for the next shift. She and Janine were talking to Rose about when she was little. Standing in the doorway, Dimitri smiled at their recollections of the spirited youngster she'd been.

"Ahh, Dimitri – good you're back. I've spoken with Dr. Olendzki, and we're moving a double bed in here for her. She'll be more comfortable, and since you've made it clear you'll not be leaving her side, it will give you both more room," Alberta said in a matter of fact voice.

Dimitri looked at Janine in surprise, amazed she'd agreed to this.

"Whatever it takes, Belikov. Dr. Olendzki said physical touch could help. They'll be here in a minute, and the doctor will need you to lift Rose onto the new bed," Janine said.

With instructions to be woken if there was any change, Rose's mother took her leave to grab a few hours sleep, Dimitri and Alberta settling in for the next shift. About halfway through they were interrupted when four guardians arrived with a double bed. It took some maneuvering, but in a few minutes it was made up, and Rose was installed, Dimitri half sitting, half lying down beside her, his body pressed up gently against the side of hers, his hand softly stroking her hair.

"Thanks, Alberta," he said gruffly, a little embarrassed to be reclining in bed beside his girl in front of his former Captain. That's if she was still his girl. He knew if they got through this, if she came back to him, he'd have a _huge_ job regaining her trust. But her letter had been encouraging. It was clear she still loved him.

She shrugged. "We thought it was worth a try," she said sadly. "I'm sorry, Dimitri. I dropped the ball on this big time. I thought she was just taking time out and thinking. I had no idea she was even close to doing something like this."

Dimitri sighed. "Don't worry, there's more than enough blame to go around," he said ominously, thinking about his own wrongdoings.

It was such a weird feeling; looking at her own body. She wasn't actually in it, she was above it, but she could see and hear everything that was going on. Right now Alberta and Dimitri were talking. They'd just moved her to a new bed, and Dimitri was lying next to her stroking her hair. It was odd watching the loving way he touched her; the gentle looks he'd give. Alberta and Dimitri weren't saying much at the moment, so she slipped away to think about what she'd heard.

"My mother was there," she said to Mason. She could see him much more clearly, now. He looked the same as he had when they were at school together; red hair, hazel eyes and a cheeky look on his face.

"What's she saying?" he asked. Mason knew Rose's body was still alive, but he couldn't see it or what was going on in the infirmary. He was relying on what Rose was reporting back

"She's gone now, but she was telling me about my father. He's on his way. He and Mom were in love, and it turns out I was wanted," she explained in surprise.

"How does that make you feel?" he probed.

"Happy. They only split because one of his enemies tried to have Mom murdered while she was pregnant with me."

"That's heavy!" Mason commented.

"Yeah. Yeah, it must have been," she said pensively.

"Is there anyone there now?" Mason asked.

"Alberta," she replied. "She's not saying much."

She didn't know why she hadn't told Mason that Dimitri was there. That he was refusing to leave her side, except for brief periods to give the others the opportunity to 'speak' with her privately.

"You don't have to listen, you know," Mason said. "We can go anytime you're ready."

"I know," she whispered. "But I want to hear what they have to say."

Rose knew it worried Mason. She'd made her decision, and she'd stick to it, but it was comforting to hear last words from her loved ones. And it was wonderful to see Dimitri openly affectionate in front of them. He was stroking her hair and candidly kissing her temple and forehead not caring what anyone thought about it. After fighting then hiding how they felt, it was a relief to see he wasn't ashamed of her; at the very back of her mind, there'd always been a thought that just maybe he might have been.

When he'd left, her mother had told her while the timing sucked she approved of Dimitri as her partner. She'd praised him as solid, dependable and everything she'd want as a partner for her daughter. In fact _perfect_ , had he not been her mentor! She'd promised that if Rose came back to them, she'd accept him and not make an issue about them being together. If Rose hadn't already been in the land of the dead, that might have put her there out of pure shock!

Drifting away from Mason she tuned back into what was going on surrounding her body. Alberta was just getting ready to leave, and Christian and Lissa were arriving. It was interesting seeing Dimitri's demeanor change around Lissa and Christian. She thought he'd be most freaked out around Alberta or her Mom, but he seemed to be sweating it more around her friends. He hid it well, but she could tell. She _always_ could with him. If she'd been there, in her body there, she'd probably have pulled him to her to shock them with a steamy kiss. As it was, she watched as her Russian God straightened up a little but held her hand resolutely, looking at the two of them.

"Guardian Belikov," Lissa said, hiding her uncertainty under her polished good manners.

"I think in the circumstances Dimitri is fine," he said mirthlessly.

"Dimitri," she corrected, although Rose could tell it wasn't without effort. "Has there been any change?"

"None," he sighed, looking at her body with the saddest expression. "But I know she's in there. It's like I can feel her just beneath the surface. Can you feel her through the bond?"

"The bond is one way. She can feel me, but I can't feel her," Lissa said. She'd obviously been crying. "Dimitri? I'm so sorry this happened to Rose. It's all my fault."

"Your fault?"

"It's my darkness that did this. I've been practicing spirit, and when I didn't feel the effects, I thought I must not be using too much and that it was ok. But the whole time it was her. _She_ was suffering the side effects, and I was too excited about what I was doing even to notice!"

"Try not to blame yourself," Dimitri said, looking with sympathy at the blonde young woman. "We've _all_ let Rose down."

"So… You and Rose, hey?" Christian asked, in an attempt at levity.

"Yes," Dimitri said formally. "Rose and I. Do you have any questions?"

Watching from above, Rose couldn't help but notice the way Dimitri moved a little closer to her. He was nervous, and it was sweet.

"Maybe you could tell us how it came about?" Lissa suggested.

"I think Rose would prefer to tell you all about it when she's well again. But I will tell you we've both felt it for months, we fought it for a long time, but we spent the days before I left as a couple, and it was the happiest either of us have ever been."

"Why did you fight it?" Christian asked.

Dimitri laughed. Well, it was more of a deprecating snort.

"Let's see… The age difference? The fact I was her mentor? That she isn't yet eighteen? That we were going to be guarding the same Moroi? There were a _lot_ of reasons we shouldn't fall in love."

"But you did," Lissa said sympathetically.

"Yes. We did. I couldn't _not_ love her?" Dimitri asked apologetically.

Lissa was opening her mouth to ask more, but Christian silenced her with a look. Lissa might not have twigged Dimitri was uncomfortable talking about this, but Christian did.

"We both think it's wonderful. I know I muck around a lot, but Rose has become like a sister to me. I know you didn't leave her out of choice, and we can see how much you still care. I'm already planning lots of 'sleeping with the teacher' jokes for when she wakes up, but don't take it to heart – we're happy she has you."

Dimitri gave the younger man a tight smile.

"Thanks, Christian. But she might not want me when she comes back. I hurt her badly by not telling her the truth about why I left. I just hope she can forgive me and give me the chance to show her my feelings haven't altered. I love her, and I can't see that ever changing. Now I can only hope she'll come back to me so I can prove that."

Rose could see he was genuine. It showed in his every word and action.

"Then why did you leave her? Especially for my aunt?" Christian asked.

"Alberta found out about us, and if it had become widely known it would have ruined Rose's life. She could have kissed her career and reputation goodbye. I couldn't do that to her. I had to get off campus as soon as possible, and your aunt's offer still stood. I told her it was only until May and only as a friend."

"Did Rose know you'd been discovered? Surely if you'd told her, she would have understood?" Christian asked, perplexed.

"I didn't tell her. You need to appreciate, Christian; life is very different for dhampir and guardians in particular. Relationships are actively discouraged and almost universally derided. I worried that if I told Rose the truth, she would have fought the system and told everyone about us, to her own detriment. Of course, now I'd give anything to have had that outcome," he said self-mockingly. "I don't care who knows I love her, now. And if she comes back to me, I'll scream it from the top of every building on campus if she wants me to," he concluded with a sad smile.

"Play truth or dare against her and you might end up having to," Christian laughed, dissolving the tension and changing the topic.

The three of them chatted for a while. It was awkward, but Christian proved himself to have a sensitivity and skill for steering the conversation through the muddy waters. After an hour or so Christian thought he and Dimitri could go and pick some flowers for Rose. Dimitri nodded, suggesting Lissa take his place on the bed.

Lissa cuddled into Rose the moment the guys left, dissolving into tears.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, please come back Rose! I love you so much. I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything. I had no idea about you and Dimitri. I would never have said those things about him and Tasha if I had! I know why you didn't tell me, and I'm so sorry you felt you couldn't fall in love because of me. But Rose? I _want_ you to fall in love. I want you to be happy. I know we always talked about you being my guardian, but if it comes to being my guardian and being unhappy, or being my best friend and sharing your joy with me, _I want my best friend!_

"I want to know all about you and Dimitri! I want to hear all the lovey dovey details! I want to double date, and see you excited before he comes to pick you up. I want to see you fall head over heels and share every bit of it with you! If you still want to be my guardian then maybe Dimitri could be Christian's? We'll be going to uni and living together, so if you wanted to you could too? Christian and I won't care that you're in love and together, and that way you wouldn't be guarding the same person? Or if you decide not to guard anymore, or guard someone else, that's ok too. I just don't want to lose your friendship, Rose, and I want you to be happy!

"I'm going to try to stop using my magic, too. I can't use it knowing it's hurting you. I love you, Rose. I've been such a burden to you. You've carried me for so long, and I want you to know that stops now. Please give me the chance to repay you? I want to look after _you_ now. I know you're sad, and you wouldn't have done this if you thought things would get better, but I promise you they will. There's still so much for us to share."

Rose watched as Lissa curled up to her, pouring her heart out. It was the first time she'd genuinely acknowledged Rose's sacrifices, and while she supposed it was too late, now, she was touched. She and Lissa hadn't been on the same page for a while, but here she could see the Liss she knew and loved. And the stupid thing was, she _wanted_ to tell her all about Dimitri! About the stolen kisses and the lust charm and finally their weekend away.

"Hello," Christian said walking back into the room, seeing Lissa on her side curled up against Rose. The latter looked like she was just peacefully sleeping. Lissa gave Rose a careful kiss on the cheek, whispering she couldn't wait to hear all about her and Dimitri when she woke up, before climbing off the bed and walking around to sit next to Christian. Dimitri had a bunch of delicate flowers that looked suspiciously like they might have been purloined from the Academy's hothouse, it being February and all. Sitting back down beside Rose he brought the fragrant bunch to her nose so she could smell them.

"The next flowers I bring you, you'll be awake milaya," he promised. "I want to share all those romantic things with you."

Lissa looked at Dimitri sadly. She couldn't imagine how worried and guilty he must be feeling right now. She was wracking her brain for something comforting to say, but nothing was forthcoming.

"Gee, guys. How about some smiles? She won't want to come back to all these long faces," Adrian said, peering into the room. He came in and kissed Lissa on the cheek, nodding his head at Christian and Dimitri. "How's our beautiful dhampir going?" he continued, coming to give Rose a kiss on the forehead.

Dimitri bristled a little.

"Calm down big boy, I'm just being friendly," Adrian said flopping into the recliner beside Rose's bed. Dimitri could smell the liquor on Adrian's breath. He shuddered because he could still smell remnants of it on Rose's too.

"We'll take off now," Christian said looking warily at Dimitri and Adrian. "We'll be back in a few hours."

"Any change?" Adrian asked.

"None. But I can feel her. I think she's with us," Dimitri said, reclining on his side on the bed and draping his arm protectively over her. "Can you try and talk to her again? It's been hours, and it's killing me not knowing how she's feeling."

"I'll try," said Adrian closing his eyes. He'd known Dimitri would ask him to speak with Rose; that's why he'd had enough alcohol to dull the darkness but not enough to stop him from using his magic.

" _Hello little Dhampir,"_ he said. He couldn't see her, but she felt closer than last time.

" _Adrian,"_ she said, sounding pleased to hear him.

" _I can't stay long, it's using a lot of spirit to speak with you, and it took a lot when I helped Lissa heal you. Are you going to come back to us?"_

" _I don't know, Adrian."_ Her emotions were all over the place. _"I promised Mason, and I don't want to let him down, but I don't want to hurt my family and friends. I don't want to hurt_ _ **him**_ _."_

Adrian's heart sunk. It all came back to Belikov. Of _course_ it did.

" _Dimitri needs you, Rose. Look at him. He won't leave your side, and he's worrying himself stupid."  
_

" _But he left me."_

" _He didn't want to."_

" _But he still did."_

" _Give him a chance, Rose. Most people never find a love like yours. I see auras - I know! He loves you, and you love him. I know you're worried he'll hurt you again, but I don't think he will. Trust him. Give us, your family and friends, a chance. We all love you and need you, Rose."_

" _I'll think about it,"_ she said.

" _Do you love him?"_ Adrian asked.

" _It's not that simple,"_ she replied.

" _I disagree. It really_ _ **is**_ _that simple, Rose. You have a chance at an epic love affair. You just have to take it."_

Adrian felt a little surge of affection from her as she slipped away from him and he came back to his body.


	11. Chapter 11

"She's thinking about coming back, but she doesn't want to let Mason down," Adrian mumbled.

" _Thinking_ about it?!" Dimitri asked in shock. That she might _choose_ not to come back hadn't seriously crossed his mind. He was suddenly confronted with the very real prospect of a life without his Roza – and the possibility scared the hell out of him.

"Dimitri, you need to think how bad her mental state must have been that she even considered suicide. That's not going to pass just because you've come back."

They sat in silence for a while.

"I wish she'd known me before," he said, more to himself than Adrian. "If she'd seen me then, she'd know how much I need her. How much she's changed me. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I think I started to fall in love with her from the very first day; when I found she and the Princess in Portland. She tried to fight me to protect Lissa. She hadn't trained for two years, and it was a hopeless task, but she tried anyway. She was so fierce and brave. I admired that about her. When we got back to the Academy, they all looked at her, but none of them really _saw_ her."

"And you did?" Adrian asked. It was hard to tell whether he was being sarcastic.

Dimitri shrugged. "I saw more than they did. Enough for me to agree to mentor her."

"Oh, I'm sure _that_ was a hardship… Hot and sweaty in skintight workout clothes." There was no mistaking Adrian's sarcasm this time.

"It wasn't like that."

Adrian raised an eyebrow in contradiction.

"It _wasn't_ ," Dimitri maintained. "At first I just wanted to figure her out. Help her if I could. She seemed so tough; that she didn't care what people thought or said about her, but underneath I could see it hurt her and she wanted to prove them wrong. Then I got to know her, and slowly we learned to trust each other, and she opened up to me. It was two steps forward, one step back, though. She'd get me so _frustrated!"_

"Oh I bet," Adrian said salaciously, the double entendre not able to be misinterpreted.

Dimitri smiled wryly. "Yeah, well, there was that, too," he admitted, blushing a little.

"It must have been a relief when you knew she felt the same way?"

"No. It made it a hundred times worse because we couldn't be together."

"So what changed?"

"Spokane. Tasha. You."

"Me?"

"Seeing another man interested in her. I was trying to fool myself it was just a crush, but the prospect of you, of _any_ other man with Rose, made me see red."

"And Tasha?" Adrian asked curiously.

"Same sort of thing. Tasha made me an offer at Christmas – to be her guardian but also her lover. We could have lived out in the human world - had a family together even. It was an excellent offer, so I considered it, I really did. But no matter how I turned it over in my mind, I couldn't see myself in a relationship with anyone but Rose. I don't want a family unless it is with her."

"You really fucked this up, Belikov."

Dimitri sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I know it," he moaned.

Rose was fascinated hearing Dimitri speak to Adrian so candidly. She'd never thought about how she'd changed Dimitri. Seeing him openly admit his feelings, and to Adrian of all people, was certainly eye-opening – there was no way he'd have done anything like that before he'd left. It was like he genuinely didn't care what people thought anymore.

"Who's there now?" Mason asked her.

"Adrian. He's not saying a lot," Rose replied.

"We should start to think about going," Mason said, looking at her carefully. "That's pretty much everyone now." He didn't say it, but he meant pretty much everyone except Dimitri. She still hadn't told him Dimitri had been there the whole time.

"I know," she said. "I'm just not quite ready yet."

"I can't wait much longer…" Mason pressed.

"Just a little bit?" Rose pleaded.

"A little longer," Mason conceded.

Back in the room Adrian and Dimitri were making small talk when a guardian knocked on the doorframe.

"Belikov? Sorry to interrupt, but it's 7 pm, Alberta's not on duty yet, and Novice Castile is here demanding entry. I'd send him away, but he's quite insistent."

"That's fine. Let him in," Dimitri said, realizing Eddie probably had no idea of what was going on and might be freaking out.

That turned out to be exactly the case. Eddie charged in demanding to know why Rose was in the infirmary, and how come no one was telling him anything. The gossip at breakfast was that she'd been carried unconscious through the Commons last night, but beyond that, no one was talking. Adrian took charge, outlining what had happened. Dimitri excused himself to stretch his legs while Adrian explained everything; including Rose's contact with Mason and her illicit relationship with Dimitri. By the time the Russian guardian came back, a stunned Eddie was sitting in the recliner talking to Rose.

He looked at Dimitri with an inscrutable expression, his eyes widening slightly as Dimitri sat beside Rose on the bed, grasping her small hand in his and gently kissing the side of her face. "I'm back milaya," Dimitri crooned, before lapsing into silence.

"Adrian said Mason had a message for me? In Rose's letter?"

"Yes," Dimitri said, pulling the letter from his shirt pocket, where he'd tucked it against his heart. He was going to read the relevant passage to Eddie, but recognizing the hungry look on the younger man's face, he handed him the letter. "Don't crumple it," he warned.

Eddie took the sheets, reading slowly to himself. There were tears as he read Rose's words, but he smiled when he got to Mason's message. Reading the last of it, he wordlessly handed the letter back to Dimitri, noticing the careful way his idol folded the papers, placing them back in his top pocket.

"Did the message mean anything to you?" Adrian asked curiously.

"Yeah it did," Eddie said. "At the Ski Lodge Mason and I had a guys' chat. He was talking all about Rose, as usual, and I was telling him about a girl I like but probably have no chance with. She has red hair," he admitted ruefully, Dimitri immediately divining he probably meant Chelsea, another Novice in their year. "Is Rose going to be ok? Is she going to wake up?"

"We don't know," Dimitri said sadly.

The three of them were still sitting there when Alberta arrived half an hour later, walking in with Janine Hathaway,

"No change?" the latter asked, hopeful despite the fact she'd issued firm instructions that any change, any change whatsoever, and she was to be roused.

"Adrian spoke with her again. She's thinking about coming back to us."

Like Dimitri, Alberta and Janine grasped the subtext. Thinking about coming back implied she was also considering _not_ returning.

"We need a plan for when she returns," Alberta said, refusing to entertain the idea Rose might not come back to them. "It might help her make the decision to come back knowing how things will stand? The guardians know, but they're a discreet bunch. Castile – what are the students saying?"

"At the moment people are mostly thinking it's a training accident although some of the Royals are saying it was a Strigoi attack and a few people are saying appendicitis. No one seems to know for sure what's going on."

"We can work with that," Alberta said shrewdly. "I'll instruct a couple of key guardians to be overheard discussing Rose being knocked out practicing. The gym is deserted at that time, so no one will know any better. It will be easier all around if the truth isn't widely known. Dimitri – you said you'd resigned your allocation. Was it amicable?"

"No," he said sadly. "Tasha outright forbade me to return to St Vlad's, so in the end, I had to resign."

Janine winced. She and Alberta knew that resigning from a post would mean a serious black mark on his record. Best case would be being overlooked for quality allocations in the future, but if Tasha made an issue of it, he might even be charged with abandoning his post – a crime that could attract jail time.

"I'd backdate a recall to St Vlad's, but as a royal allocation, hers outranks an Academy posting," Alberta said apologetically.

Dimitri shrugged. He'd known the consequences when he'd made his decision, and he was willing to suffer the fallout.

"What do you mean?" Adrian asked, looking at Alberta in confusion.

"Allocations work on a hierarchical basis," she explained. "As she's royal, guarding Tasha is a higher priority than guarding at the Academy. Unless Tasha releases him, I can't request Dimitri back here without it going to the allocations board, where it would almost certainly be knocked back."

"So he's treated like her property?" Adrian asked in amazement.

"It's how guardians are allocated, Lord Ivashkov," Janine said delicately.

Adrian was mulling it over in his mind. "What if someone who's a higher priority requested him?"

"Then he'd be free to accept the offer," Janine said, "But until the Princess graduates she can't request anyone."

"That wasn't what I was thinking. Guard me," he suggested, looking levelly at Dimitri. "I'm royal, I have no guardian, and I am pretty sure I outrank Tasha Ozera," he said with a smirk. "I'm staying on campus until Lissa graduates in May, and you can seek another allocation then. It might help with some of the difficulties with Rose, too. If you're on campus as _my_ guardian technically you wouldn't be Academy staff."

Alberta looked at Janine, and Dimitri could almost see them simultaneously running it through their minds.

"You know, that would probably work," Janine said in surprise. "If the request were specific and came from Lord Ivashkov, Tasha would have no recourse. They'd allocate her _someone_ if she insisted, but it wouldn't be Belikov."

"And it would keep you on campus with Rose," Alberta admitted, giving Dimitri a cautiously optimistic look.

Dimitri looked at Adrian uncertainly. He couldn't understand what was in this for Adrian. Why would he offer him an allocation to help him stay with Rose?

"Because I can," Adrian said under his breath understanding Dimitri's wordless question. "And it's the right thing to do. I want her to come back. It's only three months, and I'm here anyway."

The two men looked at one another. Dimitri hadn't given Adrian enough credit. The guy barely knew Rose, not compared to the way he did, but he was willing to do so much for her.

"There is another problem," Alberta said, taking a deep breath. "Dimitri, it was Tasha who came to tell me about you and Rose. She made out that her concern was for your reputations and careers if your relationship became known. She had a compromising video of the two of you in the gym."

Dimitri swore in Russian as he suddenly appreciated how all this had happened; that Tasha had known he was in love with Rose and the lengths she had been willing to go to separate them. He'd felt so guilty asking Tasha for help so soon after rejecting her offer at Christmastime. Now he realized that was her plan; force him to leave the Academy and then be there when he needed an urgent allocation elsewhere. He blushed furiously, also remembering exactly what that video would probably show.

"Do you think she'd show it to anyone else?" Alberta pressed.

"I don't know," Dimitri moaned. "I would never have thought she'd go to you in the first place. She was still… interested… in me after I accepted the allocation with her, even though I'd made it clear I accepted on a friends only basis. Nothing happened," he quickly said, seeing Janine's pursed lips, "But she wanted it to. She was pretty angry when I left - I wouldn't put it past her."

"Who was angry? Put what past who?" Lissa asked. She and Christian were standing in the doorway and had caught the last of Dimitri's words.

"Christian's aunt," Dimitri said, giving Christian an apologetic look before quickly outlining the situation, including the existence of a video and their concern she might use it vengefully.

"Do you think she would?" Alberta asked Christian.

"It's hard to know. She might…" Christian admitted. "She gets pretty pissy when things don't go her way."

"I wish I'd known - I would have swiped her phone while I was there and deleted it," Dimitri moaned.

"It wouldn't have helped. She's got an iPhone, and I set it up to backup to iCloud," Christian explained.

Alberta looked confused, but her office computer was used as a glorified paperweight. Janine didn't seem much more clued in, but Adrian, Eddie, Lissa, and Dimitri understood what he meant.

"I don't suppose you know her password?" Eddie asked flippantly.

"I might," Christian said looking troubled. "She's hopeless with technology, so I set up all her stuff for her. But she's my aunt – I can't betray her privacy like that!"

"But it's ok for her to betray my privacy and Rose's?" Dimitri snapped.

"You were in the gym, that's a public place," Christian countered. "How bad could the video be?!"

"It's bad," Alberta interjected, seeing Janine's eyes narrow dangerously. Dimitri was scarlet with embarrassment.

"I'm not sure I could do that to her," Christian said, looking beseechingly at Lissa. "She trusts me!"

"It would ruin Rose's career if it got out," Lissa said. "Dimitri's too. Tasha did the right thing reporting them, but it was for the wrong reason, and if she shows anyone now it will be out of vengeance. It might be wrong hacking into her account, but it would be righting the wrong she did," she argued, in what would pass for a fine piece of Rose-logic.

"I'd have to blank her phone, too," he said with a sigh.

"Can you do that from here?" Lissa asked him nervously.

"I can if she hasn't changed her password," Christian said in a resigned tone of voice. He looked up at the anxious group of people surrounding Rose's bedside. "If I do this, she's going to know. It comes up with a message saying it's been remotely blanked."

"Don't do it," Dimitri said resolutely. "This is not your responsibility. I'll call and talk to her."

Leaning to kiss Rose's temple, he whispered some loving words into her ear before picking up his phone and slipping on his boots. "I'll be outside," he said ominously.

Sitting in the courtyard, Dimitri looked around to make sure he wouldn't be overheard before dialing Tasha's cell.

"Dimitri?" she answered guardedly.

"Hi, Tasha. I didn't want to leave things the way we did when I left. Is now a good time to talk?"

"What's to talk about? You used me as your get of jail free card, and then ran back to the Academy when you changed your mind," she said bitterly.

"That's not quite how it happened," he replied. "I had no choice but to come back. I had to see Rose."

"Yes, that's pretty clear," she snapped.

"Tasha - she's in the infirmary. She tried to commit suicide and would have succeeded if Lissa hadn't healed her. She's still unconscious, and there's a chance she won't make it," Dimitri said, struggling but failing to keep his voice steady.

"She tried to kill herself?" Tasha asked in shock.

"Yes. I know you know about spirit, but there's a side-effect you might not know about. Adrian and Lissa call it the darkness. When they use their magic, there's a trade-off in terms of depression and anger. Adrian deals with his through abusing alcohol."

"I've never seen any sign of anything like that in Lissa?" Tasha said, sounding perplexed.

"That's because as Lissa's bondmate, Rose takes most of it," Dimitri explained. "It's one of the reasons we trained so often – to help Rose burn through the depression and anger caused by spirit."

"I had no idea," Tasha murmured, her voice softening in sympathy.

"I know you know about Rose and me, Tasha," Dimitri announced. "Alberta told me about the video and how you manipulated her into asking me to leave. I can't believe you did that – that you blatantly disregarded my happiness and Rose's. What the _hell_ were you thinking? That I'd dump Rose and run into your arms? I _love_ her, Tasha, and she loves me. Even if she doesn't make it, there's never going to be anyone else for me. I thought you were my friend! I trusted you! Then I find out the whole time you're plotting behind my back. Scheming and plotting against us." Dimitri's voice was laced with bitterness.

There was silence, although Tasha could hear Dimitri's heavy breathing. He was incensed, and he had good reason to be.

"I'm _sorry_ Dimitri," she whispered. "It was a stupid thing to do; I know that now. I just thought if you were away from her, maybe you'd be able to see how good a life we could have together? That maybe you'd fall in love with me the way I'm in love with you?"

She'd finally told him.

"That's not going to happen," Dimitri said quietly, the fight going out of his voice. " _She's_ the one I've fallen for. She's the one I can't live without. I'm sorry Tasha, but that's the way it is."

"I get it. And I'm sorry, I really am. I hope she makes it, Dimka. I'll delete the video," Tasha promised in a sad voice. "I won't tell anyone about you and Rose, and I'll put in the paperwork to release you from your allocation with me. I hope one day in the future we can put all this behind us and be friends again?" she added hopefully.

"Yeah, sure thing," Dimitri said, but they both knew it was a lie. There was no coming back from this; on both sides, too much damage had been done.


	12. Chapter 12

"What do you think it's like? On the other side?" Rose asked Mason. He seemed to be able to 'feel' their destination more than she could.

"Peaceful," he said immediately. "Nothing to stress or worry about."

He looked at her shrewdly where she sat, absently playing with the laces on her shoes. Rose was wondering whether peaceful would be the same as boring but didn't want to say it to Mason. Looking around, she looked for something else to discuss.

"Hey! This isn't what I died in, this time. Have I been wearing this the whole time?" Rose suddenly asked, looking down at the clothes she was wearing. Blue jeans, a black button-up long sleeved top, and converse. Mason wasn't to know it, but it was what she'd been wearing the night she was in the Dragomir crash.

"Yeah. Do they mean something to you?"

"Maybe. They're the clothes I was wearing when I died with the Dragomirs," Rose explained. Now she thought about it; Mase was wearing what he'd died in.

"Maybe it's a sign? You died once but were brought back. Maybe this is death's way of telling you you've been living on borrowed time?" Mason suggested.

"Borrowed time," Rose mused. It had kind of felt like that. Everything since the crash had happened so fast; it almost felt like she was trying to cram a lifetime into a few short years. But did she _have_ to? Borrowed time suggested every moment was precious. To be treasured. If what Adrian and Dimitri had talked about were true, she had a choice whether or not to go onwards. An opportunity to continue these precious moments with the people she loved.

"Are you thinking of going back?" Mason asked.

"What makes you sure I can?" Rose deflected.

"Your body is still alive – you have something to go back to," he said pensively.

He was right. She did have something to go back to. People to go back to, too.

"Do you have regrets?" she asked Mason. "Things you would have liked to do before you died?" She was thinking about her own list.

"Well, I'd rather have not died a virgin," Mason laughed. "But other than that I'm cool."

Rose chuckled. Even in the afterlife, at least she'd have that over him!

"You?"

"I wish I'd met my father. Mom said he was planning to get in touch when I was eighteen."

"What do you think he'd be like?" Mason pondered.

"I don't know. Mom said he was a powerful man, so I guess he must be pretty strong willed?"

"Do you think they still love each other?"

"I don't know," Rose replied sadly to herself. "I guess I never will."

They were silent together for a while. Mason opened his mouth, and Rose knew he was about to suggest it was time to move on, so she quickly interjected, "They're all there at my bedside, now. I think they're gathering to say goodbye."

They _were_ all there; Janine, Alberta, Lissa, Christian, Adrian, and Eddie were talking when Dimitri walked in, seating himself on the bed beside her.

"She's going to delete the video and release me from my allocation," he said to the group. "It's breakfast time, and I know most of you haven't eaten. I was wondering if I could have some time alone with Rose? There are things I'd like to tell her."

Janine nodded, standing up. "Let's give them their privacy," she said, coming over to kiss Rose's forehead. "Don't fuck this up," Janine growled at Dimitri, and Rose had to laugh at the shocked look on her Russian God's face. Her mother was right; everyone had said their piece bar Dimitri, and if anyone was likely to convince her to come back, it was him.

The others left promising to return in half an hour. As soon as they departed, Dimitri turned off the lights and climbed into bed next to her. He must be exhausted; the others had had some sleep, but he'd been awake since he'd arrived. Looking at the two of them from above, she could see the tension start to leave him as he pulled himself carefully against her, nuzzling into her long dark hair.

There were creases at the corners of his eyes; he looked so young and worried yet so old and tired at the same time. "Alone at last, milaya," he murmured, giving her a lingering kiss on the cheek, and oh so carefully wrapping an arm around her, careful not to catch on her IV line. He'd held her that way the night they'd shared together in the cabin - even in their sleep, they'd been unwilling to let one another go.

"I don't know how much you've been following the conversations, but I hope you're here with me now? I have so much to apologize for, but the biggest thing I'm sorry about is not trusting you. Tasha saw us that morning in the gym and videoed us. She went to Alberta and told her about us, and that afternoon Alberta said she knew about us and asked me to seek another allocation. I was so stressed. All I could think about was that I'd ruined your life. I could see your career, your reputation going down the toilet, all because of me. It seemed so logical at the time, but looking back now I can see I panicked. I should have told you. We should have talked about it! Even if I'd still left to guard Tasha for three months, you would have known why. You would have known that I still love you with everything I am."

He was stroking her arm gently, and closing her eyes Rose could almost feel it.

"But I panicked. All I could think about is keeping you safe. I didn't want you to be harmed, but by trying to protect you, instead I did the worst thing I could do - I made you doubt my love for you. I'm sorry, Roza. Together we would have figured it out and avoided so much pain. I told you we didn't have a future, but I was wrong. There's _plenty_ of ways we can have a future together _if_ you still want that? Tasha is filing the papers to release me from my allocation to her, and Adrian's offered me an allocation until graduation. I'd be able to stay on campus and not be a member of Academy staff. It's not ideal, but we could be together, and if people figured it out, we'd not be breaking any rules. Plus I have a lot of leave, so we could maybe head off campus for a few weekends just the two of us?

"After graduation, if you still want to guard Lissa, I could maybe guard Christian? They're going to uni together, which means we'd see each other all the time. We could even live together if you wanted to? I know it's still early to be thinking about that, but in six months time when they start uni, you might want to? Or we could live separately and date? Or if you don't want to by a guardian, we could go out into the human world? We're both young and healthy. Millions of humans manage it – I am sure we could make a life out there together if that's what you want? We could spend time in Russia? Or you could spend time with your father?"

Rose could hear the fear in his voice, see the way he was squeezing his eyes shut, trying to prevent himself from breaking down.

"Whatever you want - if you come back, I promise I'll do my best to make it happen. Even if you don't want to be with me, if you can't trust me again, I promise I'll respect your wishes and stay away if that's what you want. I just can't live in a world without you in it, Roza! I never thought I'd fall in love, but I have, and it's you. You said you love me, with all your heart, and that you were always going to. _Please_ give us the chance to be together again!"

Dimitri stopped for a moment, kissing the side of her cheek and then her lips gently. His tears were falling on her cheeks, and licking her lips, she wondered whether she imagined their salty taste.

"I know you might be worried about coming back, but it's all sorted. The students don't know what happened and Alberta's going to have the word spread that you were knocked unconscious in a training accident. Your father is due here in a few hours, and your mother said he's planning to stay for as long or as little as you want but he really wants to get to know you. I know you and I have things to talk about, too, so if you're willing to give me a chance, I thought I could ask Alberta if we could go back to the cabin for a few days? I know I need to rebuild trust with you, whether you take me back or not, but if you give me even the tiniest chance, I'll prove to you that I love you. That I always have, and I always will. Just come back, milaya? Please?"

Dimitri was rocking her back and forth softly.

"There are so many things I want to share with you. I want to take you on a proper date. I want to surprise you with flowers. I want to fall asleep with you and wake up side by side again. I want to see you graduate and start your career. I want to go on holiday with you. Cook you breakfast. Have a bath together. I want to make love with you again; learn all the secrets of your body and have you learn mine. I want to go dancing and to cuddle on a sofa and watch a romantic movie. I want to take you to Siberia while you're _alive_ milaya! I want to introduce you to my family. And one day, if you say yes, I want to marry you; for you to wear my ring and me yours. There's so much to look forward to – come back and share it with me? Share it with your family and your friends; they need you too."

Rose was cradled in Dimitri's arms as he was placing gentle kisses on her forehead, cheek and in her hair.

"Come back to me, baby? I promise you I'll make it worth your while… I know you told Mason you'd go with him, but it's ok to change your mind. If you want to come back to everyone who loves you, he'll understand. And if you want to go with him, then I understand, too. But I hope you don't. I need you, milaya. You're everything to me."

She'd never seen Dimitri beg. Not like this. He was always the strong one, but not today. He looked lost. He looked the way she'd felt when he'd left her. And she knew how bad that felt.

"Have they said their goodbyes?" Mason asked, pulling her attention back to where he was.

"Almost. Dimitri's saying his goodbye now."

"He came?"

"He's been there the whole time, Mason. He was already on his way back to the Academy when they found me."

"What's he saying?" Mason asked with a hard edge to his voice.

Rose shrugged. "Everything you can imagine; that he loves me, that he needs me. That he made a huge mistake and he's sorry."

"And you're thinking about going back to him?! _Christ_ , Rose! From what you said, the guy gave you the runaround for _months_. Then he takes you away for a dirty weekend, and as soon as you're back to reality he dumps you to take off with another woman! Why did he even bother coming back? It didn't work out with Tasha so he thought he'd come back and that you'd just be waiting for him?!"

"Someone found out about us. Alberta told him to get a new allocation…"

"So he ran at the first sign of trouble? How could you ever trust him again?! You need a man that you can rely on. A man who puts you first, even if that means giving up his life for yours."

Rose flinched. It was the first time Mason had named the price he'd paid for loving her, and her guilt was almost overwhelming.

" _I_ love you, Rose. And unlike Belikov, _I didn't run_. When you needed me I was there!"

"I didn't ask you to do that, Mase."

"You didn't _have_ to!" he growled.

Rose closed her eyes. He was right – he _had_ been there because of her. Not just the house when he'd come back, he'd been in Spokane in the first place because she'd told him about it. No matter how she tried to reconcile it in her mind, whether she'd asked him to or not, Mason had died because of her.

"I'm sorry, Mase. I really am." Her voice was weak and thin.

He shrugged. "It's time to go. Are you ready?"

Rose looked at him, unable to form the right words in her mouth.

"You _are_ still coming, aren't you?" he asked warily.

She nodded her head sadly. Now the time was here, she wasn't certain she wanted to go with Mason, but she owed him. And while she knew it was the right thing to do, part of her wanted to meet her Dad, to get back to where she should be with Lissa and spend more time with her Mom. She wanted to graduate, start working as a guardian and finally have her own money and independence.

And all of this, she wanted to share with Dimitri. He was worried that she might not forgive him, but she already had. He'd made a stupid decision out of fear, but he'd never stopped loving her – and she could forgive him almost anything, provided he still loved her.

Funnily enough, it had been Adrian who'd made her see that. She'd said forgiving Dimitri wasn't that simple, but Adrian was right. It was.

She slipped away from Mason, floating above her body for a final look at her Russian God. Exhaustion had caught up with him, and he'd fallen asleep, her body carefully wrapped in his arms, his lips pressed against her temple. As she looked at his face, her mind ran through all his many facial expressions. Pride when she'd beat him sparring for the first time, his mistrust when he knew she was up to something, the twinkle in his eyes when he let his guard down and laughed. She would see his exasperated expression, his exhausted expression but the one which she could imagine best was his loving expression. The one he only ever gave to her.

She couldn't imagine how this was going to affect him. The pain it would cause. In her letter she'd begged him to move on with his life, to find someone else and be happy. But she knew he wouldn't. Above all else her Comrade was faithful; it was one of the things she most loved about him. She knew if she did this, she'd be condemning him to a life of regret and loneliness because as much as she didn't blame him, she knew he'd never forgive himself.

"We need to go, Rose," Mason said. "It's getting harder and harder to stay."

He held out his hand, and already Rose could see he was fading a little. She gave Dimitri a final look, a tear slipping from her eye as she placed her hand in Mason's. On the bed below her, she could see a tear sliding down her cheek, unseen by her sleeping Russian God.

The light around she and Mason started to grow brighter, but her attention was on the bed below her. The machinery attached to her body started to alarm; her vital signs were becoming erratic. Dimitri woke immediately, shouting for Dr. Olendzki.

When he stepped back from the bed as the doctor and her staff piled in, Rose could see her Russian God was crying. He was speaking rapidly in Russian, and it took her a moment or two to realize he was praying. The light surrounding Rose was getting brighter still and the scene beneath her fading.

"We're nearly there," Mason said soothingly, rousing her from her observations.

She wasn't sure! It was time, and she still wasn't certain! She wrenched her hand from Mason's grasp, unwilling to go any further from her body. Any further from Dimitri.

"Please, Roza? I need you! I love you! Come back to me, milaya," she heard Dimitri beg. His voice was filled with pain. He was next to her bed, his hand tightly holding hers as Dr. Olendzki ineffectually tried to stabilize her body.

"Rose? I can't hold this back! It's taking me, now! I love you, and you said we'd do this together? That I wouldn't have to make this journey alone?" It was Mason; he was holding his hand out to her even as he faded. He sounded desperate.

Rose looked back and forth between Dimitri and Mason. There was no winning here. No matter who she chose, someone she loved would end up suffering. She couldn't bring herself to look at Mason. Dimitri either. So she closed her eyes and looked deep within herself. She was tired but more than anything she wanted to feel safe.

Whispering an apology so faintly only she could hear it, she thanked him. Thanked him for giving her his love, no matter what. She apologized for leaving him and promised she would always love him - that he would always be in her heart. And then she said goodbye; making the decision in her mind and willing it to be so.

 **-00- The End Part One -00-**


	13. Chapter 13

This is the end of the story as it was originally planned. The 'director's cut' if you will. However given the (very vocal) demands of many of my lovely readers, I am continuing a little more. So continue to read, if you so wish :)


	14. Chapter 14

The light around her was almost blinding, and she was surrounded by a cacophony of sound. She was starting to panic. Had she made the decision too late? What if she was going to be stuck here; somewhere between living and dead? Trying not to surrender to her rising fear, Rose concentrated on her breathing, slowly taking stock of everything she could sense around her. Then, as suddenly as it had started, the roar in her ears and the blinding light was gone, in its place a silence punctuated by the sound of voices and movement a long way away, and a dull, steady glow beyond her eyelids. Eyes still closed, she focused on the hand clasping hers.

An involuntary whimper escaped her throat, her only concession to her growing alarm. She'd been sure in her decision when she'd made it, but now an appreciation of all the ramifications of this choice was overwhelming her. Her lips were dry and parched when she opened them.

"Comrade? Did I make it back?"

"Milaya!" Dimitri moaned. The sound of his voice an instant balm, she felt the side of the bed dip as he moved onto the mattress, pulling himself up hard against her. In that moment her fears were allayed. She'd once said she could do anything if she had his love, and she meant it. They weren't alone in the room; Dr. Olendzki and several staff were there, bearing silent witness to the scene playing out in front of them. For about two minutes there'd been pandemonium, the doctor announcing they were losing her. But it had all stopped as suddenly as it started, and now Rose was awake.

"Don't move, Roza. You're hooked up to machines," Dimitri mumbled, his lips finding hers and giving her gentle kisses before moving to kiss her all over her face. She could feel tears dropping against her skin, so despite his warning, she carefully lifted a hand to stroke the back of his neck - seeking to give him the gentle reassurance of her touch.

Her eyelids opened, long dark eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks. Dimitri pulled back slightly, so she could focus on his face.

"You came back," she whispered huskily, seeing relief, love, and hope in his eyes.

"So did you," he replied, giving her a joyful smile before kissing her again. "I love you, Rose. I'm sorry for everything. I'm back, and I'm not leaving you," he promised.

Her arms were weak, but he offered no resistance when she pulled him back to her. Stroking the side of his face tenderly, Rose smiled as Dimitri kissed her; stopping only to make fervent promises of love and constancy. Rose reciprocated with her own words of love and forgiveness for the man whose love had pulled her back from the abyss. After a few minutes of kisses and tender whispers, Dr. Olendzki cleared her throat, reminding Dimitri they weren't alone. Looking up sheepishly, he smiled at the doctor.

"Roza – Dr. Olendzki probably needs to examine you now. I'll be right outside – I'll let everyone know you're back," he declared adoringly, giving her a final chaste kiss.

"Don't let them too close," Rose requested nervously, meaning her family and friends. She could handle, no she _needed_ Dimitri's reassuring presence; but she was unsure about everyone else, just yet.

"I'll open the door when she's ready to receive her visitors," Dr. Olendzki promised, shaking her head in amusement and almost pushing the elated young man out of the room. She laughed a moment later when she heard a very happy sounding Russian-accented voice over the PA summoning Guardians Petrov and Hathaway to the infirmary.

He was standing leaning impatiently against the wall outside Rose's room when Janine and Alberta came through the clinic doors, closely followed by Lissa, Christian, Adrian, and Eddie. Dimitri's joyous grin said it all, but Alberta wouldn't fully believe it until Dimitri announced, "She's conscious and talking. Dr. Olendzki is examining her now. She said she'd open the door as soon as Rose is ready to see anyone."

"She's ok?" Janine whispered, looking oddly stricken.

"She is," Dimitri assured her, giving an encouraging smile as the diminutive guardian sagged into Alberta's arms, dissolving into relieved tears.

"Has she said much?" Lissa asked hopefully.

"Just personal things between the two of us so far," Dimitri said blushing a little but smiling nonetheless.

Adrian stepped forward, holding his hand out and shaking Dimitri's. "So I guess I have a guardian," he laughed, secretly wondering how he was going to suppress his admiration of Rose and cope with seeing Rose and Dimitri all over each other.

"We'll sit down and work out how to manage things," Dimitri said seriously. It was only three months until graduation, but Adrian had gone _well_ outside his comfort zone to give he and Rose the opportunity to stay together. He wasn't going to repay Adrian's kindness by shoving their love down his throat.

The door to Rose's room opened, and Dr. Olendzki emerged.

"Physically she's well, but you need to understand emotionally she's still fragile. She's asked to see Guardian Belikov and her mother first."

Dimitri gestured for Janine to precede him into the room. Janine took one look at Rose and erupted into a flood of tears, sitting beside her on the bed and throwing her arms around her. Rose accepted her mother's affection but did give Dimitri an alarmed look over her mother's shoulder.

"We're all here, Rose. What do you need?" he asked soothingly.

"I'm hungry, and I want to shower," she said in a surprisingly timid voice.

"How about I go to the kitchen and get you some food? Your Mom could go get some clothes from your room while Lissa helps you shower?"

Rose gave him an adoring look. "That sounds perfect, thank you, Comrade," she replied, smiling sweetly at him. "I know I've only just woken up, but I'm so tired. After that, I'd like to rest."

"Then if you can leave, I'll take you back up to your room," Dimitri replied.

"No. My bed is too small. I want to sleep next to you," she said with a quiet determination, speaking to Dimitri, but looking challengingly at her mother.

"Rosemarie! You're seventeen. Surely you appreciate you can't share a bed with Guardian Belikov?" Janine said flummoxed.

"Not _all the time,_ " she agreed, "but today we need to be together," Rose announced decisively. "I don't mean sex," she explained, repressing a smirk as both her mother and Dimitri looked askance. "Dimitri and I need to be close and talk things through. He makes me feel safe; we'll stay here together," Rose announced in a no-nonsense tone, "we can discuss how we'll handle things going forward later."

Dimitri stifled a smile. Rose had never been a pushover, she knew exactly what she wanted, but even he was surprised by her demands. Of course, given what had happened, she could demand pretty much anything right now, and her mother would acquiesce. And he'd be lying if he said the idea of having her safely curled up in his arms as they slept wasn't appealing.

"Your father will be here today. How about once you're cleaned up, you and Dimitri can come across to my suite in guest quarters? You can meet him privately there, and there's a second room you two can rest in," she declared grudgingly. Janine released Rose from her embrace, receiving instructions on what items she wanted from her room.

"You can send Lissa and the others in," Rose said a little apprehensively, grabbing Dimitri's hand and pulling him to sit next to her on the bed.

Lissa was the first through the door; almost bowling Rose over in her efforts to get her arms around her.

"Easy, Liss," Rose said. "I'm not going anywhere," she reassured the crying Princess.

After a pointed look from Dimitri, Christian stepped forward.

"Come on, Lissa – let's not overwhelm her. Good to see you back, Rosie," he said sweetly, earning himself a fierce look from Lissa

"You know she doesn't like you calling her that," the blonde Princess snapped, pulling her boyfriend up on it for the first time.

"Bite me, fire boy," Rose volleyed with a grin; glad someone was treating her normally.

"Nice to see you're back in the land of the living, little Dhampir," Adrian said, giving her a relieved smile.

"Thanks for coming to visit me," Rose said simply. "It helped."

"Always happy to be the man of your dreams, little Dhampir," Adrian laughed.

"You gave us quite a scare, Hathaway," Eddie said with an easy smile.

"Right – well you've all seen her. You can all go to classes now. If anyone asks, the story is Guardian Alto accidentally knocked Rose out during sparring practice," Alberta announced her brusque tone an ineffective mask for the relief she was feeling.

"That's a good one," Eddie immediately piped up. "Everyone will believe Alto wanted to kick Rose in the head."

Rose smirked in agreement.

"Lissa, can you stay in case I need help in the shower? Mom's gone to get me some clothes," Rose asked, deciding not to put off the inevitable.

"Of course," Lissa immediately agreed.

"I'll get you some food and meet you back here, milaya," Dimitri said, giving her a tender kiss before reluctantly standing up beside her. His eyes were asking her if she'd be alright.

"Don't forget a chocolate doughnut," she said, giving him a reassuring look.

"I wouldn't dare!" he chuckled leaving to get her food as well as her discharge instructions from Dr. Olendzki.

Rose surrendered herself to the shower and Lissa. Knowing nothing would appease Lissa other than full disclosure about everything that had happened between she and Dimitri, Rose started at the beginning as her Moroi friend sat on the other side of the shower curtain firing off the occasional question.

"It's so romantic," Lissa declared, making immediate plans for the two of them to get together and online order copious amounts of sexy underwear.

"I'm not sure how much need there'll be for that," Rose moaned dismally. "They're hardly going to let him have sleepovers, even if he _is_ Adrian's guardian and not employed by the Academy."

Further conjecture on that point was halted by the arrival of Janine with clean clothing. Rose had just emerged from the bathroom when Dimitri appeared with food. Lissa left with promises to see her later, so Rose sat and dutifully ate the toast, fruit salad, and juice Dimitri had brought before finishing off with a chocolate doughnut.

"You must be exhausted," Rose noticed, looking at her weary Russian God. "When did you last get a proper sleep?"

"Over a week ago," he said ruefully, thinking about how much had happened since they'd slept beside each other after returning from their camping trip.

"Your father is still a few hours away. The two of you can rest in my suite in guest quarters," Janine said, seeming a little anxious.

"What's he like?" Rose asked her mother curiously as they packed Rose's few belongings and left the infirmary.

"Abe? Well, he's very hard working. Driven. He's a good judge of character, and he's not a man you cross. He's protective of those he cares about."

"When did you last see him?"

"He's been to America a few times, and we've caught up," Janine said evasively.

Rose wasn't sure why her mother was being so mysterious but decided not to press her. Her questions would no doubt be answered in a few hours.

"So his name is Abe? What's his surname?"

"His first name is Ibrahim, but every calls him Abe. Abe Mazur."

Dimitri stopped dead in his tracks; his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

"Your father is _Abe Mazur?!"_ he asked Rose in shock.

"Apparently so," Rose said looking at him strangely. "What's wrong?"

Dimitri turned to look at Janine, not missing the slight smirk on her face. "Ah, I see you've heard of him, Dimitri. Good. I'm sure he'll want to join me when we have that _little chat_ later," she said smugly.

"Dimitri? What's wrong?" Rose asked, noticing the exchange between him and her mother. "Mom? Why has Dimitri heard of my father? Is he famous?"

Dimitri and Janine stared at one another, each daring the other to say something.

"Well?!" Rose demanded.

"Um. Your father has a lot of… unusual… business interests," Dimitri said, choosing his words carefully. "Some of them rumored to be a little on the wrong side of the law."

"Nothing's ever been proven," Janine interjected quickly. "But he does have a certain reputation," she allowed.

"In Russia, he has another name. Zmey. It means serpent," Dimitri explained. "He's very well known, even in quiet towns like Baia. No one dares cross him."

"So my father is a mob boss? Can he be trusted? Should I be worried?"

"No," Janine immediately soothed. "Your father adores you. You're his only child and very special to him. He's excited to meet you. Please give him a chance, Rosemarie. He's waited a long time to get to meet you, and I know he's nervous."

"I'm nervous, too," Rose said defensively.

"You'll be fine, milaya. He's going to love you. I think I'm the one who should be worried," Dimitri said ominously.

Rose turned in time to witness Janine's smirk.

"You don't need to worry," Rose said, staring at her mother meaningfully. "Mom knows how special you are to me and how much you help me manage the darkness. I'll be telling Abe that, too. If he wants to have _any_ relationship with me, he'll accept and respect that I love you and we're together!"

Dimitri considered Rose's words dubiously. While she seemed convinced, he didn't think she knew just what she was dealing with when it came to her father. But no matter who her father was, the fact remained; he and Rose were together and were going to stay that way, no matter what it took.

Janine's suite was comfy in an anonymous sort of way. It had a small sitting area, a kitchenette and two bedrooms, each with a large bed. Rose let Janine lead them into the unoccupied bedroom.

"Why don't you two get some sleep? I'll wake you when Abe arrives," Janine promised.

"That sounds heavenly," Rose said, kicking off her shoes and flopping onto the bed. She held her arms out for Dimitri to join her, which he did without hesitation.

"I'll be just out here, and the _door stays open!"_ Janine said.

Rose rolled her eyes, cuddling into Dimitri's embrace. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she could tell her man was nearly dead on his feet. He needed a rest. They both did. She purred happily as he rubbed his large hands over her. Just having him touch her felt divine!

Janine couldn't help but smile when she looked in on them five minutes later. They were both sound asleep, lying on the bed facing one another. Rose was using Dimitri's arm as a pillow, her head tilted and rested against his chest, her arm draped over him. Dimitri had both arms wrapped around her, his cheek resting on top of her head. They looked peaceful together, and while she'd prefer it wasn't the case, they were obviously crazy about each other. And she'd meant what she'd said to Rose back in the infirmary - in many ways she did approve of the Russian guardian.

Hours later Rose woke needing the bathroom. She lay in bed for a moment, savoring the feel of Dimitri's strong arms wrapped protectively around her. Now she was here with him, she couldn't believe she'd even considered anything other than coming back to Dimitri and his love; that she'd even contemplated him loving someone else as a possibility. She'd rolled in her sleep, and they were now spooning, so she carefully shifted in his arms, turning to face him. She leaned up and gently kissed him, noticing the stubble on his usually smooth face, admiring how handsome he looked, even in repose.

Silently extricating herself from Dimitri's grip, Rose stood, running her fingers through her tangled dark locks. Hopefully, her mother had picked up her hairbrush when she'd brought her clothes, she thought distractedly. She stepped out into the small living room, heading for the bathroom when she encountered a confronting sight; her mother half sitting, half lying on the sofa with a dark-haired Moroi man on top of her, his hands busy trying to remove her shirt. The two of them were occupied with one another. Occupied in the sort of way that involved no words but lots of lip on lip action.

"Eww! You two! Honestly – can you try and keep your hands off each other until _after_ the introductions are made?!" Rose squealed, watching in amusement as her mother and presumably her father jumped a mile high.

"Rosemarie! I didn't know you were awake!" her mother gasped in shock, her face the color of her hair as she pushed her paramour away before she fought a losing battle trying to reposition her shirt modestly.

"Clearly!" Rose giggled, dismissing them with a roll of her eyes and a wave of her hand as she walked off to use the bathroom, leaving her embarrassed parents in her wake. She took her time in the bathroom, giving them time to compose themselves.

They were whispering furiously when she walked back out but fell silent the moment they saw her. She gave them both a grin, amused to see them both discomfited.

"So. You must be my father. Abe?" Rose asked the tall, dark-haired Moroi who was standing beside the sofa. He was tall and slim, but most Moroi were. With dark hair, eyes, and skin of an almost golden hue, Rose could immediately see where she got her colorings from.

"Yes. It's delightful to meet you, Rosemarie," he said formally, not sure whether to shake her hand or give her a hug. In the end, he did a little of each; grasping her hand and pulling her into an awkward half hug.

"It's Rose," she stammered, a little overwhelmed to be in her father's arms for the first time she could remember.


	15. Chapter 15

After the introductions, the three of them stood awkwardly.

"Let's sit," Janine suggested, sitting on the end of one sofa primly, Abe seated beside her, in stark contrast to the scene of a few minutes before.

"So I take it from before that you two are still, um, friendly?" Rose asked.

Abe looked at Janine and raised an eyebrow, at a loss for what to say.

"We've spent most of the last seventeen years apart, but we've always remained very fond of one another," Janine said.

Abe rolled his eyes at Janine's evasive answer. "What your mother means to say is we've stayed faithful to one another, seen one another when we could, and loved each other deeply all these years," Abe said, reaching over to take Janine's hand in his.

"Stayed in touch? How often? Are we talking every day? Once a week? Every month? A couple of times a year?" Rose asked. She was feeling shocked. She'd honestly thought her father was a part of her mother's past. A youthful dalliance discarded when more pressing worldly concerns took precedence. It was quite a surprise to find out not only had it been a lot more than that, but unbeknownst to her it had also been that way her entire life.

"We went four years without speaking when your mother left. We didn't know how closely I might be being watched, so it was safest that you and your mother dropped out of my life altogether. I didn't have any idea where the two of you were, and I don't mind saying it was the hardest four years of my life. Janine got in touch a couple of days before she brought you to America when you were nearly four, and I got to see you briefly then. I don't suppose you remember?" Abe asked hopefully.

Rose shook her head, too stunned by this new information to articulate a response.

"Never mind," Abe said with an encouraging smile. "After you came to the Academy, and your mother accepted an allocation with Lord Szelsky, it was a little easier. After a few years, Janine felt comfortable confiding in Lord Szelsky that she had a long-term partner of considerable means, so when he went on holidays, I'd arrange to holiday in the same place, and we'd spend a few days together. Disposable mobile phones have made life a lot easier, so we speak more often now, but my business has also become considerably less dangerous over the years, so the level of potential danger has decreased."

"Wow, you must have seen some amazing places together?" Rose asked faintly.

"Oh, we have!" Abe said enthusiastically, giving her a warm smile. "We've been to Mexico, Ibiza, The Maldives, Jamaica, Nepal, Mauritius, Morocco, Turkey as well as California, Quebec, New York and The Hamptons!"

"That's a lot of holidays together. Which was your favorite?"

Abe looked at Janine lovingly, missing the flash of warning in her eyes. "Probably the Hamptons. I rented an amazing house completely secluded with its own beach. It was magnificent!"

"It sounds it," Rose said sadly. "So tell me, while you were holidaying all over the world, did you stop to wonder how your daughter was going? You know - the one dumped at an Academy at four years old to grow up as an orphan? Did either of you think about me? Because while the Hamptons and all those exotic places sound like a _blast_ , let me assure you growing up alone and forgotten wasn't!"

Rose stood on shaking legs feeling a dark rage flooding her. But this wasn't spirit darkness; it was years of bad feelings and resentment finally coming to the fore.

"Did you ever think about the four-year-old who eventually learned there was no point crying out in the night because no one was listening or cared enough to come? Did you know I relied on hand-me-downs and charity from the Dragomirs to clothe myself? That I caught pneumonia after making it most of the way through a Montana winter when I was five before anyone twigged I didn't have a coat or any shoes that fit? Does it surprise you I learned at a very young age the guardian life could be a lonely one and as a little girl that no one cared to protect, there were some guardians you _never_ wanted to find yourself alone with?! I'm glad you enjoyed your happy vacations away together but let me assure you, being given away to grow up unloved and uncared for was _definitely_ _not fun,"_ Rose bellowed in rage.

"Rosemarie!" Janine snapped. "Don't speak to your father like that! We left you here for a reason. We wanted you to be safe. Of _course_ we thought about you!"

Rose spun to face her mother, eyes blazing.

"I always wondered why you couldn't get more leave. I'd only see you for a few days every second or third year. I used to cry every holidays. Every summer I'd sit on the stairs and watch as the other kids left to go home and I never did. Alberta used to tell me you were working so hard as a guardian you couldn't take time off. But now I know you could – you just didn't care to spend any of it with _me!"_

Rose spat the last words at her mother before dissolving into tears and turning to flee, running into six feet, seven inches of tense muscle.

Standing just outside the doorway to their room, Dimitri had woken at the first sounds of Rose's distress. And while he hadn't heard everything, he'd heard enough. His heart was breaking as he folded his arms around Rose, cradling her protectively against him. She wrapped her arms around his reassuring bulk and buried her head against his chest as huge sobs wracked her small frame. Janine stood, trying to explain, only to be met with a fiery gaze from Dimitri.

"Don't! This isn't a good idea right now. I think it's best we leave."

His teeth were gritted, and even in her distress, Rose could tell it was taking everything Dimitri had not to explode. Guiding her back into the room they'd slept in, he picked up his bag and Rose's before swooping her up into his arms and carrying her to the door. Janine was still rooted to the spot, but Abe stepped forward to open the door for them.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he said remorsefully. "Perhaps we can talk when you're feeling a bit better?"

Rose completely ignored him. "Comrade? Get me out of here," she whimpered, refusing to look up from where she was cuddled in against his neck. Dimitri stepped through the doorway, taking her goodness knows where. Honestly, she didn't care where he took her provided it was away from here.

Running it through his mind, the options were limited; her dorm room, Lissa's room or the infirmary. When he'd left campus he'd handed in the keys to his room, so he didn't have a safe space to offer her. Besides propriety demanded the presence of a third party. Rose still wasn't eighteen, and she'd been through a traumatic event. There'd be questions asked if he took her somewhere and they spent the night alone together – even if that might be the best medicine. That being the case, he ruled out her dorm room, deciding Lissa's was the best of a bad bunch of options. He was walking down the guest quarters corridor when another opportunity presented itself, literally almost stepping out in front of them.

"Belikov? Rose? What's happened?" Adrian asked in surprise as the former nearly ran into him as he was lovingly carrying the latter. Dimitri had forgotten Adrian was also housed in the guest wing.

"Rose met her father," Dimitri said ominously, shaking his head subtly at Adrian in warning not to pursue the topic.

"Right. Do you want to come in for a bit?" he replied.

Dimitri was about to politely decline, when Rose lifted her head from his neck.

"Ok," she answered giving Adrian a tentative smile.

Dimitri pretended not to notice the tender look Adrian gave her as he turned to open the door to his unit. "Mi casa es tu casa," he joked. "Sorry, I haven't cleaned up in a while."

The room was similar to Janine's, but the layout, fittings, and fixtures were where the similarities ended. This suite was a tip! There were empty alcohol bottles and overflowing ashtrays littering every surface, residing beside plates with food in varying degrees of decomposition. Rose had seen it before so took it in her stride, but Dimitri glanced around him in revulsion. He had no idea how Adrian could live like this; it truly beggared belief!

Clearing a space for Rose on the sofa, Dimitri gently placed her down, using the cover of his broad back to discreetly give her a kiss. Adrian flopped down onto the sofa opposite, dispossessing some dirty laundry in the process.

"Little Dhampir!" Adrian began, immediately engaging Rose in superficial, mindless banter as Dimitri stood around awkwardly. Dimitri was getting annoyed until he noticed Adrian's easy manner was helping Rose to relax and be herself. More relieved than he cared to mention, Dimitri shot Adrian a grateful look before turning his attentions to the filth surrounding them. While they mightn't have signed the paperwork, yet, Adrian was his charge, and if the choices were clean up or spend time amongst this filth, the stoic guardian chose the former.

Starting with the bottles, Dimitri walked around the suite quickly filling a garbage bag and then a second. He then moved on to disposing of cigarette butts, general rubbish, and rancid food, deciding the entire contents of Adrian's fridge could be disposed of other than the bottles of soda water, ginger ale, and cola he used as mixers when he didn't wish to take his spirits neat.

The bulk of the detritus removed, Dimitri started in on the washing up; listening to Rose's conversation with Adrian and contributing where he could. The suite was almost back to rights when Rose got up to use the bathroom. With a speed that surprised Dimitri, Adrian was at his side in the kitchen asking questions about what had happened with Rose's family. Giving Adrian a broad overview, he was surprised when the green-eyed Moroi offered them his second room.

"We'll work out later if you want to bunk here permanently or back in the guardian dorms, but tonight she needs to be with you. I haven't used the other room; it's yours for as long as you want it. Why don't you invite her to stay tonight?"

Dimitri was thanking him when Rose emerged.

"What are you two up to?" she asked mock suspiciously, in a much better mood than she was an hour or so ago.

"Adrian was saying it's almost dinner time."

"Ugh," she grumbled. "I'm not up to the cafeteria yet!"

"That's what I thought, little Dhampir, so I'll order in tonight from the kitchens."

"You can order in?" Rose asked in wonder.

"Sure can," Adrian said smugly. "They have a menu of what's on offer each day, but if it doesn't appeal then if you ring before midnight, they can cook something different to order."

"I so should have been Moroi," Rose grumbled. "What's on today?"

"Roast chicken and vegetables with gravy. Dessert is self-saucing chocolate pudding."

Rose groaned in pleasure, and even Dimitri's mouth was watering at the prospect of some decent food. That's one thing he missed about a private allocation. He and Ivan had eaten like kings, his erstwhile charge lazy in many domains, but not the kitchen. In fact, it had been Ivan who that had inspired Dimitri's love of cooking. While he'd assumed he'd stay in the Guardian dorms until Rose graduated, Adrian's small kitchen did make staying closer to his new charge appealing. It was something to consider.

Adrian rang through their order; two large Dhampir serves and one Moroi portion. Dimitri used a cloth to pick up Adrian's dirty clothes to pile into a garbage bag ready to be laundered, and by the time two Dhampir kitchen workers brought the hot meals to their door, the kitchen counter and small dining table had been wiped clean and the chairs were devoid of the clothing previously littering them.

"Would you like us to dispose of the rubbish?" one worker asked, looking disapprovingly at the garbage bags filled with bottles, cigarette butts and rotten food piled up inside the suite's front door.

"That would be appreciated," Dimitri said simply, giving them a look as if to say ' _I know he is a filthy pig, but he's my charge and I'm stuck with him_.' With the rubbish removed, the suite looked almost normal again. Light and day compared to when they'd arrived.

The three ate dinner companionably. As anticipated, the meal was delicious – well above the fare offered to students and even guardians.

"It seems unfair that Moroi get such good meals when they barely eat anything. Dhampir easily eat three or four times as much as Moroi – why should we be subjected to cheap, tasteless food?"

"Maybe because you shovel it down so quickly you can barely taste it?" Adrian teased, staring meaningfully at Rose's plate. She'd managed to consume almost half a chicken in the same time it had taken him to delicately eat a small chicken breast.

"Eat your vegetables," Dimitri warned, seeing Rose eye the self-saucing pudding covetously. "Both of you!" he added, noticing Adrian's broccoli, cauliflower and carrots had been left untouched. Given the Moroi's heavy alcohol intake, it wouldn't hurt to help him to eat healthy meals more regularly. The pudding looked good, so Rose and Adrian cleared their plates, passing them to Dimitri who scraped them then put them in the sink before serving them each a portion of chocolate pudding.

The dessert plates empty, Rose leaned back in her chair yawning.

"That was delicious, Adrian. If you have food like that here, I might visit more often!"

"You'd be welcome," Adrian said generously, meaning it. "Both of you. It's nice having company."

Rose yawned again, rubbing her eyes.

"You're looking sleepy," Adrian commented. "I'm going over to the feeders and to see some friends. Why don't the two of you crash here tonight? I don't use the second bedroom at all."

"Thanks, Adrian. I don't want to be anywhere near my family, and the only other option is my dorm room which is tiny!"

"No worries. I won't be back for at least an hour, maybe two, so if you're asleep when I get back, I'll see you both tomorrow."

"I'll wash those in the morning," Dimitri said about the dishes as soon as Adrian had left. "Are you tired, Rose? We could watch a movie? Or we could head to bed if you're sleepy?"

"Bed sounds good," Rose murmured.

"Do you need anything from your room?"

"I'm right. Mom brought some nightwear in my bag," Rose said, giving no indication of the mounting tension between the two of them.

"I'll have a quick shower then," Dimitri said, trying to steer his mind away from being alone in bed with his woman.

Quickly grabbing a fresh pair of boxers from his bag, he slipped into the bathroom, finding plenty of clean towels in the cupboard. Stripping out of the clothing he'd been wearing for more hours than he cared to count, he stepped under the warm spray, closing his eyes as the soothing water coursed over his skin. He was standing directly under the shower rose, his face only inches from it when he felt someone step into the stall behind him, small hands reaching around him from behind and stroking his broad muscled chest.

"Roza," he groaned, turning to find the stunning brunette standing naked behind him biting her lip nervously while gazing at him with desire. "Did you want to shower?"

"Not really," she said, a silent challenge in her eyes. She flattened her hands on his chest, pushing him back until he was leaning against the shower wall. "I want you to take me to bed and make love with me."

"It's been a big day – are you sure that's a good idea?"

"It's a _great_ idea," she declared, standing on her tip-toes and pulling his lips down to hers, pressing herself against him.

He chuckled. "What is it about you and showers?" he asked, thinking about their night in the cabin.

"Hmm something about being hot and wet makes me think of you, I guess?" she quipped.

That was his undoing. Unceremoniously turning off the water Dimitri threw a clean towel in Rose's direction, quickly using one himself before lifting her in his arms and carrying her into the spare bedroom kicking the door shut. Placing her on her feet he pulled back the sheets, and she climbed into the bed, grasping his hand and pulling him down onto the mattress beside her.

As soon as he was in bed, she rolled him onto his back, lying on top of him. Securing her with his arms, he used one hand to stroke her lower back and bottom while the other toyed with the dark tresses cascading down her back. Here with his love pressed against him, the desire he felt was overwhelming. But even as they surrendered to one another's heady kisses, there was a warning sounding in the back of his mind.

Rose had nearly chosen to leave her life this morning, and since then she'd met her father, disastrously discovering he'd been a part of her mother's life all this time. She was in an emotionally vulnerable place right now - should he be adding sex to the mix? They hadn't even spoken about 'where to from here.'

"Please, Comrade? I need this," Rose moaned, sensing his hesitation. "I love you, and I need to feel that connection with you again."

He understood because he felt the same way. He'd nearly lost her, and he knew there would be hard times ahead of them, yet. It was selfish, but he wanted to lose himself in her – to feel that ecstasy when they were as close as two people could be. He wanted to hear her breathy moans, knowing he was the man to bring her such pleasure. But more than anything, he wanted to show her his love and reassure her that they were back together as they should be.

Grasping Rose around her waist, Dimitri rolled them onto their sides, his hands relentlessly roaming her body. This would be their second time as lovers, and he was reveling in every new part of her body he found to explore. Right now he was caressing the crease between her bottom and upper thigh; the spot where the soft curves of her ass met the toned perfection of her upper legs.

Rose squirmed under his touch. The sensitive juncture Dimitri was toying with was dangerously close to her core and more than anything that's where she wanted his attentions right now.

"Dimitri..." she whined, his amused gaze confirming her suspicions that he knew how crazy his touch was making her.

"Patience, Roza," he crooned, splaying his hand flat across the base of her spine and pushing her body hard against his – trapping his throbbing length between them and pushing it hard against her lower belly. The move had been intended to drive Rose wild, and it did, but what Dimitri hadn't counted on was the effect it would have on him.

Having her so close, the smell of her arousal surrounding him; it was too much for him to bear. Inaction threatening to completely unhinge him, Dimitri pulled back a little, focusing his shredded attention on her beautiful breasts. Lips firmly clamped on one nipple; he was flicking it with his tongue – teasing it into a taut nub before clamping down softly with his teeth.

"Oh _God!"_ Rose screamed, her chest constricting with pleasurable tension as she snaked her fingers into Dimitri's hair, holding his head at her chest. He switched breasts, giving the twin globe the same treatment as the first. It was too much. Her need was too great. With a shuddering gasp, Rose pushed her Russian God onto his back, straddling and hovering above him.

The sight was magnificent! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, naked and poised for him to enter her. His brain had discarded all other considerations, focusing on a single, concentrated, relentless train of thought; pleasuring his beautiful woman!

Grabbing his shaft, he ran it along the length of her slit before holding it steady as she slowly sunk onto him. He roared his approval as her hot, wet cleft encased him, nearly undone by the sound of her excited mewling as he filled her for the second time.

"It feels even better than I remember!" Rose gasped in wonder as she experimented moving her hips.

"It does!" Dimitri agreed, dropping his large hands to steady her hips as she flexed against him.

Watching Rose take charge was one of the singular hottest things Dimitri had ever seen. Excitement and instinct took precedence over uncertainty, and for the first time, Dimitri got a glimpse of the demanding, passionate lover his Roza promised to be. Setting a brisk pace, Rose was riding him, leaning backward to support herself on his upper thighs. The angle was excellent, the head of his cock sliding almost the full length of her pussy with every eager thrust.

With lips parted, Rose's sexy moans and gasps were coming hard and fast as she started to lose coordination, bucking frantically against her lover's rock hard cock. Her climax almost upon her, Dimitri used his hands to control her movements, sustaining the brutal pace as she bounced against him. Moving his hands slightly, he brought the pad of his thumb against her clit, giving it much-needed friction as his shaft slipped in and out of her just below.

"Yes yes! Dimitri, yes!" Rose bellowed, her uninhibited cries echoing through the suite and up and down the mercifully empty corridor of guest accommodations. The walls of her pussy were grabbing at Dimitri's cock as she clenched around him, her already tight channel constricting in a libidinous attempt to milk him of his seed.

But it was hearing her shouting his name that pushed him over the edge. Her cries had only just escaped her lips when he reciprocated. "Roza!" he loudly grunted, forcing her hips hard down against his, holding her in place as he pumped his cum inside her, the pulsing of his cock as he unloaded within her mirroring the subsiding squeezes from her own climax.

Flopping spent against his chest, Dimitri quickly encircled her in his sweaty arms. Rose had been right; they'd needed this. They gave each other lazy kisses as they nuzzled contentedly. Looking at the bedside clock, Dimitri noticed their promised hour was nearly up, so he suggested they shower and get cleaned up. Ten minutes later they were freshly showered, and lying back in bed, curled up tightly together.

"What's going to happen tomorrow?" Rose asked, knowing her brief respite from reality was nearly over.

"I thought we'd train, breakfast like normal, then classes, if you're up to it?"

"Ok. But I don't want to see my mother or Abe," she said quickly. "I know I have to, eventually, but not yet and not without you there."

Dimitri sighed. He'd had no idea the level of resentment Rose carried about being abandoned at such a tender age and hearing her parents had kept up their relationship and even _vacationed_ together while neglecting her? Well, he could see why she was so hurt.

"I'll go see them after training tomorrow," he promised. "I'll explain that you need some space. I'd like you to see the counselor, though. You tried to take your life - there are a lot of things you need to work through."

"Alright." Rose had known she'd have to see the counselor, and while wild horses wouldn't drag it from her, it was probably a good idea. "Can you come with me? At least for the first session?"

"If you need me there," Dimitri promised, smoothing Rose's hair as he stroked it, feeling her relax against him as she fell asleep in his arms.


	16. Chapter 16

While she'd whined getting up before nightfall to train, and she'd seriously resisted Dimitri's efforts to get her out of bed, once they'd gone past her dorm to pick up her books and clothing and they were in the gym, Rose had to admit it was nice getting back to normal. They'd spent fifteen minutes cuddling and talking quietly in bed, conscious that Adrian would be asleep and it would be rude to wake him before Dimitri finally coaxed Rose up with the promise of a chocolate doughnut after training.

They were doing their warm-up laps around the running track when Dimitri broached a subject that had been bothering him. He wasn't convinced it was the right time, but he was getting more and more worked up about it.

"Yesterday when you were talking to your parents, you mentioned there were certain guardians it wasn't safe to be around. What did you mean?"

"What do you think I meant?" Rose said, refusing to meet his eyes, keeping her own firmly fixed on the lines on the track.

"I thought you meant there were guardians who took an unwholesome interest in children," Dimitri replied, doing his best to keep his fury from his voice. "Did someone hurt you, milaya?"

"No," Rose said quickly, and it sounded like the truth, albeit perhaps there was a bit more to it.

"Did someone try to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable?" he pressed.

Rose hesitated before replying.

"Not really…"

"But others?"

"Yes, others," Rose said with a sigh. "From four until eight years old I lived in a unit with a few other orphans and a dorm matron. It was lonely and sad, but it was safe. As soon as anyone hit eight, they were moved out into the elementary dorms. It was better for the boys – there were a lot more of them. But as you know, there are only a few dhampir girls in each year, so there was only ever a handful of girls in the dhampir elementary dorms. When I first moved there, a couple of the older girls told me who to avoid and some of the tricks to keep myself safe."

"Like what?"

"Never showering or using the bathroom alone, engaging the inner bolt on my dorm room door and not opening it after lights out under any circumstance unless a female guardian or the dorm matron was there. That was also when I learned to climb out of the dorm windows so I could get out of my dorm room without using the corridor if I needed to."

Dimitri was finding it hard to breathe properly, and it had nothing to do with their run.

"And these guardians – are they still working at the Academy?" he asked quietly, a menacing undertone to his voice. "Can you tell me who they are?"

"They're not here anymore," Rose said with a shudder. "Something happened with one of the other girls, and Alberta found out about it. The elementary dorm for dhampir girls was closed. All the elementary female students stay together in a mixed Moroi/Dhampir wing now. It's much busier, and each room has its own bathroom, so it's safer."

"It sounds like a horrible way to grow up," Dimitri said, never feeling more appreciative of his own loving upbringing. Sure they'd had to endure visits from his abusive father, but during his long absences, home had been a safe place filled with love and people who cared for him.

"It was no picnic," Rose agreed in a tone of voice that let him know this topic was closed.

Abiding by her wishes, Dimitri changed subjects, but not before adding it to the list of things he wanted to speak to Alberta about.

Back in the gym, they went through their drills finishing in time to spar.

"You'll need to take it easy on me, Comrade," Rose smirked, looking at him from beneath her lashes. "I'm feeling a little sore, today."

Dimitri gave her a guilty smile as he had a momentary flashback to the pleasures of the night before.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said, squaring off against her. The days she'd gone without training showed; he staked her three times to her one. But she was in good spirits as she gave him a flirty look and took off to the showers. Dimitri was picking up his bag to go to the men's locker room when the gym doors opened, and Rose's father walked in.

"I was hoping I'd catch Rose training this morning?" he said walking over to where Dimitri was standing. "We weren't properly introduced yesterday – I'm Abe Mazur, Rose's father."

"Guardian Dimitri Belikov," Dimitri said keeping his voice toneless and his face impassive.

"Rose's mentor and boyfriend?"

"That's right," he said, conscious he was making an assumption about both given he and Rose hadn't discussed either going forward yet. "We've finished training for the morning, and Rose is getting changed. She's pretty adamant she doesn't want to see you or her mother just at the moment. She's trying to get back into things after what happened. It would be helpful if you could give her a few days."

"You can't stop me seeing my daughter," Abe said levelly, his eyes narrowing.

"No, and I'm not trying to. I'm letting you know what she's said and how she's feeling. She needs to speak with you and her mother, but it would help if she's in a stronger state mentally first. She's agreed to talk with the school counselor; perhaps give her a few days to explore her feelings? She tried to take her life, and she hasn't recovered from that yet."

Abe considered Dimitri's words.

"So what do you suggest?"

"Give her back some control in this situation. Let her choose when and where to see you and when you do, listen to how she's feeling. I don't think it will be long – she's very hurt, but she's also curious."

Abe had gone by the time Rose emerged from the showers. She waited for Dimitri, and the two of them walked up to the cafeteria.

"So back to being student and mentor," she sighed. "Will you be guarding my classes anymore?" Rose asked hopefully.

"I don't know. Adrian and I have to discuss the terms of my allocation. Some charges like their guardian with them all the time, even inside wards. Others let their guardian be allocated general duties while at Court or an Academy. It's up to Adrian. He's in classes this morning with Lissa, but I'll meet with him to discuss it after lunch."

"We will still be able to train, won't we?" she asked anxiously.

"I hope so," Dimitri replied. "Do you still have final period study hall? I'll try and book you some time with the counselor then."

After telling him she did, they separated, Rose to eat with her friends, Dimitri to sit with the other guardians. A few had questions about his reappearance, but they were satisfied by the explanation that he'd been recalled to guard the Queen's nephew and help train Rose again. Watching her across the cafeteria, Dimitri was pleased to see she was talking happily enough with her friends. She looked up at him, and he gave her a quick smile before standing and leaving the cafeteria.

His first stop was Alberta. He wanted to speak with her about how things could potentially be managed before he talked to Adrian. They also spoke for quite some time about Rose, Dimitri confessing they'd crashed at Adrian's suite after the disastrous meeting between her and her parents.

"It's a good idea to give her some time," Alberta said thoughtfully. "Rose must be distressed, but I know her. She'll want the full story."

After speaking with Alberta, Dimitri visited Deirdre the Academy's counselor. They spoke for over an hour, Dimitri giving her as much background as he could about Rose's relationship with Lissa, including what he knew about their bond and the darkness. They also discussed Rose's feelings about Mason's death, the circumstances involving his own relationship with Rose and finally the latest revelation about her parents. He mentioned Rose wanted him to attend at least the first meeting, and she agreed to clear the final period each day for Rose to meet with her.

He was standing to leave when Deirdre surprised him.

"Guardian Belikov? Could I suggest you might also benefit from some individual sessions? You nearly lost your partner, and you'll be supporting her through some difficult times in her recovery. It might help you to work through your feelings."

He didn't want to say he wasn't interested, so he told her he'd think about it. Honestly, the idea of discussing his feelings with anyone other than Rose or his Mama was torturous. It had been bad enough everyone reading about their love in Rose's letter. While he was glad it was now out in the open, at least with those who mattered, he was a private person, preferring to keep his business to himself.

He had an hour before he would try and find Adrian at lunch, so he thought he might take the opportunity to call his family. It would be about midday there, so someone should be home. His last contact with them had been a text to Karolina. He'd promised to call, but so much had happened since then that he hadn't had a chance. Still, it didn't sit right with him that others knew about him and Rose while his family didn't.

Finding a vacant bench overlooking the ornamental lake, Dimitri pulled out his phone, dialing the long-familiar numbers of his childhood home. He smiled as his mother answered.

"Mama, it's Dimitri."

"Dimka! What's going on? You sent Karolina a message and promised to call and never did? Do you have a new allocation?"

"Yes, I do. It's a long story, but I'm back at St Vladimir's now. And Mama? I've fallen in love."

Once his mother's delighted shrieking subsided, and his Babushka and sister Karolina were summoned to the phone to listen on speaker, he started the long and complicated story about he and Rose. It must have been quite the tale, because his mother, grandmother, and sister barely interrupted once, whereas usually he'd be subjected to a barrage of questions.

"So you're to be your cousin's guardian," his grandmother said when he got to the end, telling them how he hoped to structure the next three months to give he and Rose maximum time together.

"My cousin?"

"Yes. Adrian's father Nathan is Randall's younger brother. Adrian Ivashkov is your paternal first cousin," his mother explained.

Dimitri took a moment. He wasn't sure how he felt about being related to Adrian. Suddenly he wondered if Adrian knew. And if he didn't, should he raise it? Mentally putting it into the too hard basket, he shared the other aspect about the last few days he'd neglected to mention; that Rose's father was Abe Mazur.

Karolina shrieked loudly enough when he mentioned that, Dimitri had to pull the phone away from his ear. The babbling from his family was so intense he could barely make out what was being said. Finally, his crotchety grandmother insisted on silence as she said her piece.

"You're a good boy from a good family. Don't you be frightened of him, Dimka. You need to stand up for yourself and your Roza for this to succeed. While he might appear not to approve, no man wants his daughter with a weak husband."

" _Husband_?" Karo shouted again. "Babushka? What have you seen?" she demanded.

"Nothing… I am just a silly old woman who dreams too much," she said evasively. But Dimitri knew better. It seems like he wasn't the only one dreaming of Rose as his bride.

He signed off promising to Skype soon, possibly with Rose. His mother demanding a photo of Rose reminded Dimitri that the box with the bulk of his stuff, including his good camera, was still with Tasha in Minneapolis. It was too late to text now, but he'd send Tasha a message before bed tonight asking if she could send on his things.

Adrian and Lissa were sitting in the cafeteria at lunchtime waiting for the others to arrive when Rose and Eddie came in laughing. The morning had gone better than Rose had anticipated. Everyone had accepted the story of Alto knocking Rose out, especially after Alto was sickeningly nice to her all class.

The four of them were talking when Rose looked up, a brilliant smile on her face.

"How did none of us notice that?" Eddie said under his breath, as they all witnessed Rose's adoring smile at Dimitri as he walked towards their table. "I mean seriously; I have no idea how they kept it secret!"

"Not _all_ of us missed it," Adrian said smugly.

"It doesn't count if you only knew because you see auras," Lissa scoffed.

Adrian opened his mouth to say he'd noticed because he paid attention to Rose but stopped himself in time appreciating it would hurt Lissa and Eddie's feelings, besides which she was well and truly Dimitri's now. He didn't want to remind anyone he'd hoped she'd be his – even her.

"Hello all," Dimitri said with a small smile, his eyes lingering lovingly over Rose. "I've made that appointment for you this afternoon milaya," he said softly. "I'll meet you there after your last class. Adrian? Are you free after this? I thought we could discuss the particulars and sign the paperwork for my allocation."

"Sure. How about you join us for lunch, and we'll head back to the unit later?" Adrian suggested. Rose noticed Dimitri slip into guardian mode as he stood beside their table, back straight, feet apart at shoulder width, eyes constantly moving. Adrian picked up on it, too.

"Look – having a one-on-one guardian is new to me, but this whole stand beside me, be seen but not heard thing is creepy. It's one of the reasons I've never had a guardian. It will make it much easier if you're a bit more… casual. I get you've got a job to do, but it's ok to eat and talk and, I don't know… chill out a bit?"

Rose smirked as she saw Dimitri try to relax, but only because he'd been ordered to. Nodding to Adrian in acknowledgment, Dimitri went to the food line and quickly made some selections, returning to sit at the end of the table, diagonally opposite Rose. They were still meant to be incognito, so she was doing her best not to appear too interested in what he was doing. But it was hard when every time she looked at him, an image of his excitement when they were making love last night flashed across her mind. She thought she was doing a good job of disguising her lust, until…

 _Oh my God! You had sex with him last night didn't you?!_ Lissa squealed through the bond.

Rose looked up at Lissa with a tiny smile at the corner of her lips and lifted her eyebrows. She could have done without the sex questions at the lunch table, but it felt natural to be back on terms like these with Lissa again.

 _Was it good? Really good? Mind-blowingly awesome?_

Rose waited until Lissa said the last before laughing and nodding. Too late she realized the whole table was looking at her.

"What?" she snapped.

"Were you two talking?" Eddie asked, looking between Lissa and Rose curiously.

"Yeah? What of it," Rose challenged.

"Nothing! Just wondering what you were talking about?"

"Just stuff," Lissa said quickly, her eyes betraying her by momentarily flipping across to Dimitri.

Christian joined them not long after, and then the Moroi left to visit the feeders, Dimitri accompanying them.

"It's going to be weird seeing Belikov guard Adrian," Eddie said quietly, so they weren't overheard. "I know he's only doing it so he can stay close to you, but it will still be weird."

"I know. I feel a bit sorry for him," Rose confessed.

"Don't," said Eddie. "He'd do anything to stay with you; even guard Adrian. You made the right choice, you know. Mason was my best friend and a good guy. But he was never the right one for you. Everyone could see that but him."

It was the first time since she'd come back anyone had mentioned Mason. Everyone else was avoiding the topic like the plague; as though if they didn't mention him, maybe her thoughts wouldn't stray in that direction.

"I had to choose between them. Right at the end. I was holding Mason's hand, and he was taking me across with him, but I pulled back. He was begging me to go with him, but I couldn't leave. I had to come back to Dimitri." What had started as a lighthearted conversation had quickly turned heavy. Eddie took Rose's hand, and they picked up their bags. Walking past a table of guardians, Eddie stopped for a moment, speaking to one.

"Can you let Alberta know that Rose and I won't be in our next classes? We're going for a walk by the ward line."

Still holding hands, Eddie led Rose across the floodlit paths and then across towards the Academy's graveyard. They stepped over the small fence, coming to sit on either side of Mason's grave.

"I let him down," Rose confessed, leaning against Mason's gravestone. "Right at the very end. He was scared, and I'd promised I'd go with him, but I couldn't."

"He would have understood."

"I don't think he did. I betrayed him."

"Rose? _Listen to me!_ I was Mason's best friend for _years_. I know you were friends with him, too, but it was different with Mase and I. We were roommates and told each other everything. You could never betray Mason by choosing your own happiness."

"He said I was his unfinished business," Rose wailed, holding Eddie's hand, desperately wanting to believe his words.

"Even if he'd lived, you would always have been Mase's unfinished business," Eddie said sagely. "Could you see yourself settling down with him? Living together? Being in love with him?"

Rose shook her head. She didn't even have to stop and think to know that would never have been on the cards for them.

"What about Belikov? Can you see those things with him?"

Rose nodded, even through her tears.

"Then you made the right choice. More than anything Mase wanted you to be happy. Maybe this had to happen to show you not to settle for anything less, Rose?"

"It didn't seem like that. Mason wanted me to come with him. He was pushing for it."

"I'm sure he was. But if he'd known you'd decided not to go, he would have understood."

"How can you be so sure?" Rose asked, looking at Eddie through tear filled eyes.

Eddie didn't seem to want to answer for a moment. "Because he told me. Last night he came to me in a dream. He told me to grow a set and ask Chelsea out, and then he asked me to tell you he was happy where he was, but it wasn't your time, and you'd made the right choice."

"Do you think it was him?"

Eddie nodded. "I think it was."


	17. Chapter 17

"I know it's weird, for both of us. I don't need guarding here on campus, so I don't care how you organize that. I'll probably want to go off-campus for a few weekends, so for the sake of appearances, you should come with me then. We both know this is so you can support Rose, so arrange things however you need to do that. Do you have any ideas?"

Dimitri nodded. He understood Adrian was trying to make it easy for him, but it went against his nature to take advantage or shirk his responsibilities.

"I do. I thought if I moved training a little earlier, Rose and I would be done in time for me to spin past here for breakfast. We could breakfast together, here or in the cafeteria, and then I could accompany you to the feeders and on to be the guardian for your morning session with the Princess? Then I could take you and her to see the feeders and lunch at the cafeteria. If you didn't need me after that, I thought I could do general duties guarding classes but finish in time to be free for Rose's counseling in the afternoon and then her afternoon training session. I could then return, and I'd be back on board for dinner to guard you after that, or if you don't need me, I'll work an evening shift."

"Have you thought where you'd like to stay?" Adrian asked.

"It's up to you. I don't mind, but it might be more convenient if I stay here?"

"I'd appreciate the company," Adrian said. It was clear he meant it. "And of course it means you can have Rose visit."

Dimitri stopped, trying to put his thoughts into words.

"That's not why I'm suggesting it. I'd love to be with Rose all the time, but when I'm working, my charge is my responsibility. We both appreciate last night - after what happened, we needed that time together. But I'm not suggesting it become a regular thing."

Adrian shrugged, taking a deep swig of his bourbon on the rocks, not meeting Dimitri's eye. It was 1 am, just after lunch their time, and he was starting the afternoon with a few shots of liquor. Spirits for spirit, he'd joked – referring to the magic he'd expended practicing this morning. Now Lissa was severely limiting her use of spirit, more was falling to him in their sessions.

"She's your girl. I get it if you want her to stay over."

"Of course I do, but for now, we need to get through her last months at school. She's going through a lot; I just need to be around to support her."

"Understood. But if supporting her sometimes means being with her, it's ok for her to visit. Stay over if that's what she needs. I'll get you a key, and one for Rose, too."

Dimitri nodded in appreciation.

"So you mentioned going away for a weekend. Any plans I should know about?"

"I thought I might go to Court. You know – spend a weekend with the ladies!"

It was sad the way he said it; clearly mocking himself.

"Where do you stay at Court?" Dimitri asked curiously.

"With dear Mama and Papa," Adrian joked. "I'd hate to deprive them of my sparkling company."

"You're not close?"

"My mother is a self-absorbed social climber who has the unfortunate habit of loving me despite the embarrassment I continually bring to the family. My father is a wealthy boorish ass who thinks being royal, and nephew to our Queen makes him better than everyone else. "

"What about your extended family?" Dimitri fished, watching Adrian carefully to see if there was any flicker of recognition.

"Well my mother was a Tarus, so there are a few cousins there, but she 'married up' so she doesn't associate with them that much. We see a bit of Prince Rufus and Aunt Tatiana, of course. My father has a brother, Randall, but I've not seen him since I was a teenager."

Dimitri stared at Adrian. It was now or never.

"Neither have I."

Adrian's eyes flicked to Dimitri's and the expression on his face was almost comical.

"Oh hell! You're his son, aren't you?"

"That's what my birth certificate says," Dimitri said levelly, immediately wishing he hadn't said anything.

"How long have you known?" Adrian asked in wonder, studying his face looking for similarities.

"Only a couple of hours. I rang my mother, and she mentioned it then."

"You really didn't know?"

"My sisters and I don't consider him a father. He was violent and abusive, and the kindest thing he ever did was leave our family alone. I knew he was an Ivashkov, but beyond that, I never thought about it."

"Well, this will be fun! I'll be living with family!" Adrian joked.

"I'd prefer that information stayed between us. I thought I should tell you before we go to Court. I don't know whether your father knows anything about Randall's visits to Russia."

"He knows he has children there, but being Dhampir he doesn't consider them 'family'" Adrian said apologetically. Dimitri was unperturbed - the feeling was mutual. "Will you tell Rose?" Adrian asked.

He shrugged. "I guess so."

Dimitri was surprised to see Eddie with Rose when she arrived for her counseling session, and even more surprised to see her with red-rimmed eyes but appearing more at peace than she had since she'd come back to them.

Rose gave Eddie a long hug before taking Dimitri's hand and entering Deirdre's office.

"Welcome Rose. I understand you wanted Guardian Belikov here, at least for your first session?"

"Dimitri, and yes. Is that alright?"

"They're your sessions, Rose. You can invite whomever you want. Also what you say here is confidential. Feel free to be yourselves," she said gesturing to the chairs and sofa.

Dimitri sat in the corner of the couch, unsurprised when Rose kicked off her shoes and sat beside him, tucking her feet under her and sitting close to him.

"You're very comfortable in Dimitri's presence?" Deirdre observed, but the way she said it was more of a question.

"Yes. We're together," Rose replied, daring her to make an issue of it.

"I know that, but you find his physical presence comforting?"

Rose thought about it. This hadn't been what she thought they'd be talking about, but she'd go with it.

"I trust him. We've trained so often together our bodies are somehow in sync. And he's never let me down."

"He left you."

"Not by choice," Rose snapped. "He was told to get another allocation. He did what he did to protect me."

"Is that how you initially saw it?" Deirdre asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"No. I thought he'd left me to be in a relationship with his new charge."

"Why did you think that? Had Dimitri given you any indication that was his intention?"

"No. He told me it wasn't that way. But she's beautiful, has money and they could be in a proper relationship together."

"And you can't?"

"Not really," Rose said with a sigh.

"What do you mean, Rose? Do you mean sexually? Are you concerned that you and Dimitri can't have a fulfilling sex life? Are you sexually active?"

"No. I mean yes. I mean that's not it! There are no problems in _that_ area," she assured Deirdre, consciously not looking at her Russian God. "I mean hiding and pretending not to be in love. It's not just because I'm still at school. I'm training to be a guardian. Dimitri is already one. There's a stigma about Dhampir, but particularly guardians, being in relationships. His former charge lived in the human world. If he'd been with her, he could have lived a normal happy life without people commenting and passing judgment. He could even have become a father."

"So you thought he'd chosen that life?"

"Yeah. At first."

"Why wouldn't he choose you, Rose?"

"Because no one ever has."

The words were out of her mouth before she'd even thought about it. She felt Dimitri flinch beside her, his arms unconsciously pulling her into his embrace. She felt the rumble of an angry growl in his chest, yet it was strangely reassuring.

"Are you talking about your parents now?" Deirdre probed.

"Yes," Rose sighed, cuddling into her Russian God.

"Tell me about them."

The rest of the session was spent talking about Rose's upbringing and feelings about her parents and their recent interactions.

"We're out of time," Deirdre said at the end of the session, "but I'd encourage the two of you to have a conversation and soon about what you want from life and each other. It's ok if you don't have all the answers just yet, we can work through that in future sessions."

Rose put her shoes back on, and the two of them left the counselor's office in silence.

"You were quiet in there," Rose started, a little shy about everything she'd revealed.

"I wanted to hear what you had to say. But she's right – we should talk."

"Good talk or bad talk?" Rose said, looking at him seriously.

"Good talk, I hope. But we should make sure we're on the same page."

"Ok. What about after training?" Rose suggested. It had been a long, emotionally charged day, and the idea of some training before another deep, meaningful conversation was appealing.

"That sounds perfect."

"So how did your chat with Adrian go?" she asked as they walked towards the gym.

"Surprisingly well. I'm going to bunk in guest accommodations with him. I thought that way maybe I could get him to look after himself a bit better."

"Will we still be able to train?"

"Yeah. Mornings will have to be fifteen minutes earlier, but we should be able to train and breakfast together, then I'm guarding Adrian until the end of lunch. I'll guard your classes after lunch until your counseling session. If you want me to come to that, I will. Otherwise, I'll guard another class and meet you for training. I'm back with Adrian from dinner onwards."

"That won't leave us a lot of time together," she said sadly. "Just meals and training?"

"It's only for three months, but Adrian said it's ok for you to visit. Even stay over occasionally."

"We could hang out together?!" Rose gasped hopefully.

"Not all the time, but maybe a couple of nights a week we could have dinner and watch a movie, and you could stay?"

"Would you like that?"

Dimitri stopped and grasped both her hands. "I'd _love_ that, Rose. I treasure all our moments together."

They were both quiet during training, but Dimitri was pleased to see Rose seemed content.

"How are you feeling?" he asked while they were doing their weights.

"Good. Eddie and I talked about Mason. I still feel sorry that I let him down, but Eddie helped me see that Mason wouldn't have wanted me to go with him if I was unsure. It helps a lot to know that."

"And the darkness?" Dimitri asked casually.

"I think I've burnt most of it off, and Lissa's barely using her magic, so that's helping."

They were working side by side and chatting when the door to the weights room opened, and Janine walked in uncertainly.

"Rosemarie? I wonder if I could have a moment?" she asked, looking at Dimitri warily.

Rose shrugged.

"Your father and I are worried you got the wrong idea the other day. We'd like the opportunity to speak with you and explain in greater depth why we made some of the decisions we did. Your father is devastated your first meeting ended as it did – he's been waiting a long time to get to know you."

Janine paused to give Rose a chance to respond, but she didn't.

"I know you need time, but we thought maybe the three of us could go away somewhere nice for a weekend so we can talk? I'll be the first to admit I've made mistakes – a lot of them. But there is more to the situation than you realize. We want to tell you everything."

"I'm not going anywhere without Dimitri."

"Rosemarie, Dimitri is a guardian. He can't just leave his charge," Janine said in exasperation.

"Well if he can't come, I'm not going."

Janine's face was getting red – as though she was only just holding onto her temper.

"Dimitri? I don't suppose you could try and get either this weekend or next off? Abe and I would appreciate it," she said in a forced, tight voice.

Dimitri looked at Rose carefully, seeing her little nod.

"I'll see what I can do, Janine."

"Is there anything else?" Rose asked rudely.

"Yes. Your father thought you might like to choose where we go?"

"Somewhere near the ocean. Dimitri will let you know when we're free," Rose said, dismissing her mother by turning her back on her and starting on a new piece of equipment. They only worked out for another ten minutes after Janine left. Neither of them was in the mood.

"Come on. Let's get changed and go talk," Dimitri suggested.

They quickly showered and changed, leaving the gym by the rear entrance heading out into the woods the way they had a fortnight before. Like last time, Dimitri led them until they were almost in their own little world amongst the trees. Again he threw down his duster and sat down on it, Rose climbing straight onto his lap.

"Rose? How much do you remember from when you were asleep? Could you hear us?"

"I drifted in and out. I couldn't be with Mason and listening at the same time."

"Were you there at the end when I was talking? Do you remember what I said?"

"About breakfasts and romantic movies and going to Siberia together?" she said shyly. "Yes, I heard all that."

"And did you hear when I said I hoped one day you'd wear my ring?"

"I heard that too," she confirmed nervously.

"I'm not asking you that question, yet. But do you see us being a long-term thing? Can you see me as your boyfriend? Your partner and maybe one day something more?"

"I can," she whispered.

"So can you forgive me? Do you still want to be my girl?" he whispered back anxiously.

"Always."

His smile was radiant as he pulled her chin up and they kissed sweetly.

"I love you, Roza. We're going to figure this out together."

"I love you too, Comrade."

It was enough to sit silently holding each other, so that's what they did. After fifteen minutes, Dimitri checked his watch.

"Come on, beautiful. If I don't get you to dinner soon, Lissa will probably send out a search party," he chuckled.

"Yeah you're right," she laughed. "So do you think it will be hard getting time off to go away with my parents? And are you sure you don't mind?"

"If you need me, I'll be there," Dimitri said, secretly thinking a weekend away with Janine Hathaway and Abe Mazur ranked only slightly above repeatedly bashing his testicles with a rubber mallet. "And I think Adrian will be all right with me taking a weekend off. I have a lot of leave accrued, and he's already indicated he's willing to be accommodating. Speaking of Adrian, I found out something interesting today."

"Oh?"

"Well I rang Mama and told her about my new allocation, and she pointed out Adrian's father Nathan is the younger brother of my Moroi father, Randall Ivashkov."

Rose stopped and spun to look at him. "So that means you and Adrian are…"

"Cousins," Dimitri said, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"You didn't know?"

"I don't think about my father. I knew he was an Ivashkov, but beyond that, I never looked further into it."

"Does Adrian know?"

"Yes, I told him. He wants to go to court for a weekend, and we'll stay with his family. I wasn't sure how much his father knew, so I thought it best I mention it."

Rose giggled. "You're really nothing alike! How does it feel to have a cousin? Is he your only one?"

"As far as I know. Like I said, I don't know anything about the Ivashkov side of the family."

"Aren't you curious?" she asked, and Dimitri could tell she was thinking about her own mostly unknown family background.

"Not really, but it's different for me, milaya. I knew my father. He was a weak and cruel man who'd hurt my mother. I know enough about him already."

"You think I should give my parents a chance, don't you?" she asked intuitively, reading between the lines.

"It's up to you. But if you want to, I'll go with you."

"It could be a pleasant weekend away?" Rose suggested hopefully before they looked at one another and started laughing.

As expected, Lissa was looking around expectantly when Rose and Dimitri walked in. Christian, Eddie, and Adrian were all sitting with her.

 _Is everything ok? Eddie said you had a session with the counselor?_

"All good, Liss," Rose replied, a little annoyed to have people talking about her behind her back.

 _Don't be cranky. I grilled him for info. I was worried._

"Alright alright," Rose conceded, getting mildly curious looks from the guys.

Lissa grinned. "You missed some stuff in Animal Behavior today. Do you have plans tonight or did you want to come study and I can show you what was covered?"

"Good idea! We can all study together!" Christian said enthusiastically, only to be silenced by a single look from his blonde girlfriend. "Or I could study by myself, and you girls could catch up?" he quickly amended, earning himself an approving look.

"Rose? I still have a spare outfit and gym clothes in my room for you. You could stay if you want? It's been _so_ long since we've had a sleepover! I've got a USB stick filled with a crapload of new release chic flicks for once we've studied," she coaxed. "And I'll make microwave popcorn…"

Rose grinned with genuine enthusiasm. Lissa had been her friend so long she knew _all_ the right buttons to press!


	18. Chapter 18

Rose couldn't help but smile the next morning at training, despite the ungodly hour. The night with Lissa had been just what the doctor ordered. They'd caught up on a truckload of gossip, shared confidences, had a good cry watching a chick flick then talked as they fell asleep.

While neither of them said it, they both knew they were coming to the end of an era. Rose was going to be eighteen in a few weeks. Within months school would be finished, and the next stage of their lives would begin; University for Lissa and guarding for Rose. They both now had significant others they were sharing their lives with, but amongst all the craziness it was nice to spend a bit of time together remembering when it had been just the two of them and all they'd been through together.

"You're looking happy this morning, milaya?" Dimitri said approvingly as they ran side by side along the running track. With a flush on her cheeks, her long dark hair up in a ponytail streaming out behind her, Dimitri honestly thought Rose Hathaway was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

"I _am_ happy," she acknowledged. "It feels like everything is falling into place. Things are back to how they should be with Lissa, your allocation with Adrian means you can stay here until I graduate. Lissa and Christian are both for us guarding them when I finish, and I'm even feeling a bit better about my family. Don't get me wrong, I'm still upset, but Deirdre was right – I need to give them the chance to explain. Can you see if you can get this weekend off?"

"If that's what you want?"

"I do. I know it's going to hurt to talk about it all, but I want everything settled. I want to be able to lay that pain to rest. I need to let it go and move on."

The two of them went inside to continue their workout. Cardio, today. Both in a good mood, they went at it hard until they were both sweating, despite the chilly temperature.

"Come on, let's go back to the suite. You can shower there while I cook you breakfast," Dimitri tempted.

Rose grinned. "I like your shower," she said in a low, seductive voice causing an unconscious flush to grace her Russian God's cheeks.

"So I noticed," he laughed as they shouldered their bags and walked back to the guest accommodations.

Rose had a quick shower and went into Dimitri's room to change. His things still hadn't arrived from Minneapolis, so the room was completely bare other than the contents of his duffel bag. She'd just finished changing when Dimitri walked in, clad only in a towel, honestly looking like the sexiest man on the planet. Rose gave him an appreciative grin before sitting on the edge of the bed watching him intently.

"Do you intend to sit there and look at me as I get dressed?" he asked, a little perturbed.

"That's the plan, Comrade," she said, watching as he got out clean boxers, socks, pants and a top.

He quickly got changed, flushing a little as Rose silently observed him, her dark carnal gaze letting him know she very much liked what she saw.

"You'll be the death of me," he murmured as he quickly zipped up his pants, willing the blood rushing to his nether regions to disperse. As much as he'd _love_ to spend the morning making love to Rose, he had breakfast to cook and a charge to wake!

Waking Adrian turned out to be easier said than done. After bashing several times on the door, without success, Dimitri entered the bedroom shaking the reticent Moroi awake. Using language that would make a sailor blush, Adrian finally opened his eyes, looking at his Russian cousin in bemusement.

"Come on Adrian. Time to get up. You have five minutes to shower while I make breakfast," Dimitri warned, picking up empty liquor bottles from the nightstand.

"You should have woken me earlier," Adrian grumbled, standing up to reveal black silk boxers on a surprisingly well-muscled frame. "It takes me five minutes just to do my hair! Ahh – hello little Dhampir – knew I'd get you into my bedroom one of these days" he teased, noticing Rose standing in the doorway.

Rose laughed, following Dimitri back to the kitchen watching as he cooked eggs, toast, and mushrooms for the three of them. Rose looked at the mushrooms suspiciously, declaring herself not a fan of vegetables. Dimitri didn't dare explain to Rose that mushrooms were actually a fungus; instead, he cooked them up in a little butter and laughed when she decided they were delicious, taking a second and then a third serve.

Adrian hadn't been lying when he said it took him five minutes to do his hair. Rose and Dimitri watched in amusement as he used one product then another to style it into artfully disheveled perfection. In fact, overall the amount of time he spent dressing and getting ready bordered on the embarrassing.

"What?" he said, catching Rose rolling her eyes at Dimitri as he gave himself a final inspection in the mirror. "I have standards to maintain!"

Breakfast done, the three of them walked across campus towards the cafeteria to meet up with the others. Dimitri would be taking Adrian, Lissa, and Christian to the feeders and then class, while Rose was going to meet Eddie and head to the Novice specific lessons.

"You're not eating?" Lissa asked, giving Rose a worried look. Rose's appetite was legendary, and after what happened, Lissa was keeping a much closer eye on Rose.

"Dimitri made eggs and mushrooms on toast for us at the unit," she explained. "I had three serves."

Lissa turned to Dimitri for confirmation, appeased by his confirming nod.

 _He cooks as well?!_ Lissa asked through the bond. _Is there anything that man can't do?!_

Rose laughed. Dimitri _was_ quite a catch!

Watching their silent exchange with a small smile on his face, Dimitri then checked his watch.

"If you want to see the feeders before classes we need to leave now," he said in his rich beautifully accented voice.

 _Oh, Rose, you have it BAD!_ Lissa teased, noticing Rose bliss-out just at the sound of his voice. Christian, Lissa, and Adrian stood, collecting their bags.

"I'll meet you back here at lunch, milaya," Dimitri said softly, his eyes flicking to Rose lovingly.

"Sure thing, Comrade," she smiled, still hardly able to believe such a wonderful man was hers.

The morning went slowly. In Advanced Guardian Combat Techniques with Guardian Townsend, they had a theory lesson. Normally that wouldn't be too bad, but it was material Rose had covered months ago with Dimitri, so she was bored. Bodyguard Theory and Personal Protection was also boring, but that was situation normal. Half the class was staring at the front with glazed, blank eyes, Rose included. But because Guardian Alto was still being nauseatingly nice, Rose didn't think she could repay his generosity by acting up.

All this inaction and good behavior was making Rose angsty. By the time she got to the third period, Weight Training and Conditioning, she was ready to hit something! Thankfully small groups were rotating their way between three drills; weights, boxing and staking. _Finally_ some action! Rose tossed her bag amongst the pile of others at the side of the room and joined Eddie in the boxing group. After a few days off form, it felt good to stretch her muscles and assert her dominance within the group again.

"Ugh – that's going to hurt tomorrow," Eddie groaned as blow after blow found their way onto his unprotected areas. "Why do you have to be so god-damned lethal?"

"Mess with the best, die like the rest," Rose quipped, flicking her long dark ponytail back over her shoulder.

"Yeah yeah," Eddie said wearily. "Come on, let's see if you're better than me at staking, too."

The answer being a resounding yes, Rose was in fine spirits by the time she'd showered and changed for Senior Language Arts. She settled into a group with Eddie, Chelsea, and Owen to continue their project. Worth a quarter of the yearly grade, they'd been working on it for weeks. Eddie and Chelsea were sitting slightly to one side speaking softly. Looking down at her workbook, Rose schooled her face into bored indifference, pretending not to overhear when Eddie quietly asked Chelsea if she'd like to meet up in the common room that evening to hang out together. Her quick acceptance and radiant smile being precisely the response Eddie had hoped for.

"See – that wasn't so hard, was it?" Rose teased after the bell had rung and they were walking together to lunch.

"I guess not," Eddie said with a grin, looking over to where Chelsea and Meredith stood nearby talking excitedly together and looking back at him.

"Come on Romeo!" Rose laughed, pulling him by the arm down the corridor towards the cafeteria.

"Hey? Rose? You work out this morning?"

Rose spun around to see Jesse Zeklos reclining against the wall, flanked by his half-witted sidekicks Ralf and Jacob.

"I work out _every_ morning Jesse," Rose said, turning away from him.

"With Guardian Belikov? I can imagine those workouts must be very… intense?"

"Yes," she replied in exasperation. "What of it?"

"Nothing. Just letting you know I'm free to work out with you anytime you want." He did inverted commas in the air when he said 'work out,' giving her a knowing look that was unsettling.

"Right, I'll keep that in mind," she said contemptuously, turning back to Eddie and walking away. She waited until they were around the corner before speaking to Eddie, "What the hell was that all about?"

"It's Jesse – probably nothing," Eddie said, but neither of them was convinced.

The two of them dumped their bags at their usual table, standing in line to get lunch. Spaghetti and meatballs today, which meant plenty of spaghetti, lots of sauce and one meatball, two if you were lucky. Not for the first time, Rose contemplated the poor standard of food at the Academy. It wasn't so bad for Moroi; most of their nutritional requirements came from blood. Sure they still needed to eat, but it wasn't like it was for Novices and guardians. The Dhampir genetic makeup, half human half Moroi, gave them super-fast metabolisms. Combined with their rigorous training schedules, the food at the Academy was enough to sustain, but it never had quite enough protein to satisfy. Looking down at her lunch, Rose thought how much better it would be with a huge side serve of steak.

Eddie and Rose were shoveling down their food when Adrian, Lissa, and Dimitri appeared. They said hello and got their lunches, coming to sit at the table. Dimitri consciously sat at the far end – as far away from Rose as possible. It would be nice to sit together, but the temptation to touch was just too much, so they sat apart. Not that either minded. Sitting at the same table was still something.

"How was practice?" Rose asked Adrian, noticing he looked a little tired and worn.

"It was ok, Ms. Carmack had some new ideas she wanted me to try," he said, picking at the unappetizing meal in front of him.

"It was cool," Lissa piped up. "He was trying to move things with his mind."

"Awesome!" Eddie said, his eyes wide in admiration. "Did it work?"

"Kind of. He set fire to the feather he was using, but it did move a bit first," Lissa said enthusiastically.

"That must have taken a lot of magic," Rose commented softly, giving Adrian a searching look. More than anyone, she knew the cost of using so much spirit. "You ok?"

"Nothing a bottle of Tennessee's finest won't cure," Adrian said mirthlessly, returning her gaze. She reached over and squeezed his hand; wordlessly letting him know she understood.

Dimitri caught the interaction between Rose and his cousin. Once, such an action would have left him fuming. But now things were settled between him and Rose, he recognized the action for what it was; one victim of darkness comforting another. Christian arrived not long after that, dumping a container into the middle of the table courtesy of his domestic science class.

"Blueberry muffins – hot from the oven," he announced proudly. They smelled amazing, so everyone took one, even Dimitri. They were delicious, so Rose and Eddie surprised no one when they each had a second, then a third. Those two were bottomless pits!

Standing as a group, they moved around the corner to the feeders, Lissa, Christian, and Adrian going straight in. Adrian looked much better after he'd fed, but Dimitri was still worried.

"Rose? I'm going to walk Adrian back to guest quarters. I'll meet up with you in Animal Behavior," Dimitri muttered so Adrian wouldn't hear him. It would wound Adrian's ego if he knew they thought he might need a bit of help.

"Good idea," Rose agreed, giving him a sweet smile before walking with Lissa, Christian, and Eddie to the fifth-period class they shared.

"Hey, Hathaway? Where's your friend? You know? The _tall_ one? I thought you two were joined at the hip?" Jesse said maliciously as soon as they walked in.

 _What the hell?_ Lissa gasped through the bond. _What does he know?!_

"More like the lips," Ralf muttered just loud enough to be heard. A few of their group tittered, but Rose was relieved to see the rest of the class looked bored or confused. Giving Jesse her best withering look, Rose walked past taking her usual seat.

As soon as the teacher walked in, he announced a spot test, so the rest of the period was spent trying to recall the material she and Lissa had quickly covered last night before they'd moved onto gossip and the movie. Thankfully Rose actually liked Animal Behavior and Physiology, so most of it she was able to deduce from her independent reading. Looking over at Christian's furrowed brow, apparently not everyone was so lucky! Dimitri was standing near the front, having slipped in halfway through the test.

Turning in her paper at the front as the bell rang, Rose waved Lissa and Christian goodbye. They had Calculus together in sixth period, while Rose was off to Precalculus. After Bodyguard Theory and Personal Protection, it was her most hated subject. It didn't help that Dimitri was great at math, so teased her lack of understanding.

Taking her usual seat, Rose was pleased to notice no one else looked like they wanted to be there, either. They were working independently today on worksheets – a feat Rose attempted, even though she knew she'd have to ask Lissa or Dimitri to explain it to her later. As she was sitting struggling with her formulas, she kept getting distracted by pinging from mobile phones. Thompson was a hard-ass when it came to using technology in class, so no one dared actually check their phone, but the repeated pings resounding from around the classroom indicated _something_ was up.

They were three-quarters of the way through the lesson when Rose felt the telltale tickle of Lissa sending her a message through the bond.

 _Rose! I'm so sorry! The video of you and Dimitri in the gym is_ _ **everywhere**_ _. Phones kept pinging all class, and when Camille looked there it was. Everyone's talking about it. I'll send you a copy._

The blood drained from Rose's face, and she looked toward Dimitri in sheer panic. This was their worst fear realized. Her hands were shaking as she quietly packed up her books, standing on quaking legs as she moved to the front.

"Mr. Johnson? I have an appointment with the guidance counselor now," she lied, noticing Dimitri watching her in consternation.

"That's fine, Novice Hathaway. Make sure you turn in your completed worksheet tomorrow."

Nodding Rose moved towards the door, giving Dimitri a pointed look to follow.

"What's wrong?" he asked in alarm as soon as they were alone in the corridor.

Rose looked up at him in remorse. This was going to cost Dimitri everything. His career. His good reputation. Even his livelihood. As she stood trying to put what had happened into words, her mind was catapulted back to the day they'd driven to the cabin.

' _I hope I'm not going to regret this'_ he'd said. And now he was. Loving her was going to cost him everything.

"Lissa just sent a message through the bond. The video Tasha took is everywhere. Those pings in class were it being forwarded all around campus. Everyone knows, Comrade. Everyone's seen."


	19. Chapter 19

Dimitri looked at Rose, and all he could see was guilt and remorse on her face. She didn't have to tell him what this meant. His whole life as he knew it was over. But as he stared at the beautiful brunette who'd given him her heart, body, and soul he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Oh, he was sure he'd have time to repent in the future – but right now the only anger he felt was for a cruel society that treated Dhampir like slaves whose only value was to train, fight and eventually die in defense of Moroi. A society that had no place for two Dhampir who dared to fall in love.

"Don't panic, Roza," he said calmly, pushing down his own rising dismay. "First we need to get out of here. We need to get somewhere private before the change of classes."

Not knowing where else to take her, Dimitri walked back to the suite he shared with Adrian. He knew it would be one of the first places anyone would look, but they needed somewhere to regroup.

Adrian looked up in surprise when Dimitri let himself into the suite, Rose following close on his heels. One look at their faces told him disaster had struck.

"The video Tasha took is making its way around campus," Rose said in a wooden voice, responding to his unspoken question.

"How bad is it?" Adrian asked, immediately appreciating the enormity of the situation.

Rose reached into her bag, fishing out her phone. She had to scroll past half a dozen worried texts from Lissa, Christian, and Eddie before she got to the video that Lissa had forwarded. She pressed play; she, Dimitri and Adrian crowding together to look at the screen.

Rose was pressed up against the gym wall, her crop top wantonly lifted. Dimitri was mouthing one breast, his large hand covering the other, his thigh pressed against her core. He leaned in, and she snaked her arms around his neck as he lifted her higher up. She wrapped her legs around his hips before he pressed her back into the wall again, pushing his hips against hers while he kissed her neck. Rose's eyes were closed, but she was facing the camera, and there was _no_ doubt that she was enjoying what he was doing to her.

Time and date stamped, the video was damning. In fact, the only things to celebrate were that Tasha didn't seem to have recorded the part where Rose had begged Dimitri to make love to her again and that Dimitri's head, hands, and back had obscured her breasts, so the entire high school population of St Vlad's hadn't seen her tits (even if they _had_ witnessed Dimitri sucking them)!

"Fuck," Adrian said, walking over to the kitchen and pulling out a bottle of vodka from the freezer, pouring himself a generous serve before finding two glasses and doing likewise for Dimitri and Rose. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Rose whispered. "This is too far gone to cover up."

"Can you say it was after he was my guardian?"

"No," Dimitri said soberly. "It's date stamped. I'll certainly be removed from my allocation. In fact, I expect I'll be charged."

"Charged?!" Adrian asked, his eyes bulging.

"Rose isn't yet eighteen, and I was technically in a position of responsibility over her at the time of that video. I could be charged with sexual assault. Even statutory rape of a minor."

"But you didn't rape me! It was consensual! I _wanted_ what happened between us!" Rose wailed, suddenly appreciating this horror was even worse than she'd initially comprehended.

Dimitri had no words of comfort or hope to offer, so he did the only thing he could; take Rose in his arms and hold her.

Rose was standing within Dimitri's embrace when there was a knock at the door. Adrian looked at the two of them, holding his finger up to his lips and pointing to his own bedroom. Looking around quickly, he hid Rose and Dimitri's glasses of vodka in a cupboard and checked the two of them were out of sight before going to answer the door. It was Lissa and Christian.

"Did anyone see you come here?" he asked urgently, ushering the two inside.

"I don't think so," Christian said in a low voice. "We came the long way around."

Rose and Dimitri came back out of Adrian's bedroom, Rose dissolving into tears and stepping into Lissa's outstretched arms.

"I'm so sorry," Christian said, looking devastated. "I should have deleted the video when we had the chance. It's my fault. Lissa was right – getting rid of it was the right thing to do."

"You can't blame yourself," Rose said sadly. "We were the ones who did what we did. The responsibility rests with us."

Dimitri sunk onto the sofa. He was running every scenario through his mind, but the fact was they needed more information.

"Lissa?" Dimitri asked, surprising them both by using her first name unprompted. "I hate to ask this, but with your connection with Rose, you're the obvious person. Could you go find Alberta and see what she's heard, and what she suggests?"

"Of course. Christian? Will you come with me?" Lissa requested.

Christian nodded, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was his aunt who had done this – for no reason other than to be cruel. While no one blamed him, the same couldn't be said for himself.

"If anyone asks, you haven't seen us…" Rose stated needlessly.

"I've got it," Lissa said, still in shock that this had happened.

After they left, Rose sunk onto the sofa next to Dimitri. He opened his arms up to her, gently kissing her forehead as she cuddled in shock against him.

"Try not to worry, milaya. We'll get through this," he said lovingly, reassuring her everything was going to be alright, even though he was far from certain of it.

"But they might try and arrest you," Rose moaned, tightening her grip on him.

"Don't worry about me. I can look after myself," Dimitri said grimly.

The three of them were sitting silently when Lissa spoke to Rose through their bond.

 _We're with Alberta. She's coming back to the suite with us now._

Rose relayed this information to Adrian and Dimitri, Adrian rising ready to open the door.

"How bad?" Dimitri asked as soon as the captain of the guard stepped into the room.

"Bad," Alberta confirmed. "The video has already reached parents, and there's been a flood of outraged phone calls," Alberta said bitterly. "Headmistress Kirova is convening a panel of the Governors, but Rose is going to be expelled."

"Expelled," gasped Lissa. "But they can't do that!"

"Liss, they can and they will," Rose said looking at her hands.

Alberta was about to say something when she looked around.

"I think your mother should be involved in this discussion. Also, your father may be of assistance here."

"Your _father_?" Lissa asked looking at Rose, shock all over her face. Rose hadn't told anyone that her father had come to campus. Adrian was the only one to know, having seen her just after their first meeting.

"I didn't tell you because I only met him Monday for like three minutes and we had a fight," Rose said wearily. "He's staying on campus with my Mom. It turns out they've been an item all these years."

"Wow," Lissa said, lost for words. It was as though, with everything else that had happened, she'd reached saturation point; that she'd exceeded her capacity to take in any more startling information.

Alberta had her phone out and rang Janine, quickly explaining the situation. A couple of minutes later there was a knock at the door, and Janine stepped in followed by Abe. Both of them looked to where Rose was curled up on the sofa in Dimitri's arms.

Christian, Lissa, and Adrian were looking at Abe curiously. In an uncharacteristic show of good manners, Christian stepped forward and held his hand out.

"I'm Christian Ozera," he introduced himself, before pointing to Lissa and Adrian in turn, introducing them as well.

"Abe Mazur," he replied, shaking Christian's hand. "Rose's father."

Sitting on the sofa, Adrian exploded in laughter, looking incredulously at Dimitri and then Rose.

" _Abe Mazur_ is your father?! Oh, little Dhampir, that explains so much! I'd start running now, Dimitri!"

Abe smirked, lifting an eyebrow sardonically. He seemed to quite appreciate Adrian's response to his reputation. Lissa and Christian looked at Adrian in confusion. Abe's name meant nothing to them.

"So let me get this straight; a video of Belikov making out with my daughter while he was still employed here and her mentor has made its way all over campus? My daughter is to be expelled, and there's a good chance he will be arrested, is that right?" He didn't sound angry, more that he wanted all the information. "Does anyone have a copy of the video?"

Lissa nodded, handing him her phone. Abe, Janine, and Alberta huddled together watching the video, much in the same way Dimitri, Rose, and Adrian had done earlier. Rose closed her eyes not wanting to see their reactions, but Dimitri manfully watched. Janine looked furious, Alberta troubled and Abe slightly amused.

"That's not the whole video," Alberta said at the end. "It's an excerpt."

"Do I even want to _know_ what the rest of it shows?" Janine snapped, looking more incensed by the second.

"It was what was said," Alberta said, flicking her eyes apologetically to where Rose and Dimitri sat together. "In the video Tasha Ozera showed me, Rose said something about _'making love together again_.'"

Abe hissed. "That makes it a lot harder. That confirms a sexual relationship, in which case Belikov is looking at statutory rape."

"As far as I've seen, only this version of the video is getting around," Lissa said hopefully.

Abe shook his head. "We can't risk a longer version turning up at some stage. We have to assume that whoever released this has or might broadcast the complete version sometime in the future."

Christian looked like he was about to cry. Lissa held his hand firmly, but the raven-haired Moroi looked at the ground, refusing to meet her eyes.

"How would something like this usually be handled?" Abe asked Janine and Alberta. As two senior guardians, they'd have an idea of how this would probably play out.

Janine looked at Alberta, seeking confirmation as she spoke.

"Initially they'll issue a warrant for Belikov. He'll be detained pending charges. The Guardian Council will meet and look at the evidence and then formal charges will be laid. Then he'd be detained in custody pending the outcome of the trial. The most likely outcome is stripped of his guardian status and five to ten years jail time."

"And Rose?" Abe asked.

"Expelled. They may or may not issue an order preventing her from enrolling elsewhere. Even if she can graduate and make her promise, her career is over. The chances of her getting an active role are negligible. Her best hope is an admin role at Court, in time."

Rose sat shell-shocked on the sofa, openly weeping against Dimitri's chest as he rocked her in his arms. Their lives were over.

"What if I say I _forced_ her?" Dimitri asked, prepared to absolutely ruin himself if it would save the woman he loved.

"It won't help," Alberta said sadly. "Even if somehow they believed it and let Rose stay on to graduate, she'll never get a decent allocation now. You know how it works, Dimitri. One black mark is all it takes. Not to mention every unscrupulous Moroi will make unsavory assumptions about her. Any allocation requests she might get will come with expectations."

Janine shuddered. Sexual harassment of female guardians was hardly a new thing, but Alberta was right. A video like this would take a long time to be forgotten.

"It doesn't matter. She doesn't have to be a guardian," Abe said consolingly. "There's plenty of other options for her."

Rose listened to them talk, wondering how they could be so calm.

"What about Dimitri? What options are there for him?" she asked despairingly. She didn't care what happened to her. Not when things were so dire for her love.

"I hate to say this, Belikov, but I think your only option is to run. You'll be stripped of your title either way, but if you run at least you'll avoid jail time," Adrian said, serious as cancer.

Dimitri looked at him and nodded. "I think you're right. No matter what happens from here, there's no future for me in the Moroi world."

"What about private guarding? That's outside the control of the Guardian Council?" Rose asked, grasping at straws.

"If he's going to run, he needs to leave the Moroi world altogether," Janine explained, looking at her daughter with sad eyes. "If he runs and is captured, the jail time will be even greater."

"Then his choices are jail or the human world?" Rose asked, coming down to brass tacks.

"Pretty much," Dimitri said heavily. "And once I leave there will be no coming back. I'll have to sever all ties."

He was looking at her intently, his beautiful brown eyes trying to impress some meaning that she wasn't comprehending. And then realization dawned. He meant he'd have to leave _her._

"No! No, no, no!" she moaned, her eyes wide with horror. "You mean leaving me?"

"Roza if I stay it's jail, and at the end of it, my career will be finished anyway. If I run, I have a shot at making a life for myself in the human world. My family in Russia relies on the money I send. If I go to jail, I can't support them."

"Randall doesn't send anything?" Adrian asked angrily.

Dimitri shook his head. "No. Never has."

Abe looked at Dimitri curiously, but it was Adrian who spoke.

"Dimitri's Moroi father is my uncle, Randall. Dimitri and I are first cousins. What sort of money are we talking about?" Adrian asked, not noticing Dimitri tense as the question was asked. Guardians didn't earn a lot, which was criminal given the poor working conditions, risk and everything they had to give up.

"I send them one and a half thousand US a month, more when I can," Dimitri said quietly. Alberta and Janine looked at the young man with respect. They knew a guardian of his rank and experience would earn around twenty thousand a year; so he was sending the vast majority of his earnings home.

"Give me their bank account details, and I'll transfer a hundred thousand into the account," Adrian said decisively. "That will give you some breathing space."

"I can't ask you to do that," Dimitri said with a quiet dignity.

"You're not asking. You and your sisters are blood relatives, which means you're eligible to lay claim to part of the family fortune. Trust me, Dimitri, a hundred thousand won't even be noticed, but it will give you some time to set yourself up in the human world without worrying that your family won't be provided for," Adrian said with determination. "This whole situation is fucked up and unfair; let me do what I can to make it that tiny bit easier."

Dimitri just nodded and said a quiet thanks, cradling Rose in his arms.

"You're not going to leave me," she said with determination.

"Roza? You've heard what will happen. I can't stay," he said, his voice cracking as he held her tight.

"I know, but you're not going to leave me because I'm going to come with you."

"No way!" Janine snapped, looking at Rose as though she'd grown a second head. "You're _seventeen years old_ , Rosemarie! You haven't even finished high school! You can't leave your whole life behind for a man you've been with for less than a fortnight!"

" _What_ life, Mom? You said yourself I'll never work as a guardian. Not in any role worth having. And you know there's not a lot out there in the way of work for young Dhampir women. What would you have me do?"

"Your father has so many businesses – you could work in any one of them," Janine said, as though that settled the matter.

"It's true," Abe said, looking at Rose. "I know we didn't get off to the best start, and you don't know much about me, but I'm a wealthy man, Rose. A _very_ wealthy man. With my influence and money I could set you up in any field you wanted, or if you didn't want to work, you wouldn't have to. You'd have a very comfortable life," he promised.

"The only life I want is one with Dimitri in it. You _know_ that, Mom. When you were all talking with me when I was unconscious, you relied on Dimitri to bring me back – because you knew he was the one I couldn't leave behind."

There was silence as everyone took in what she said. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but they understood what Rose was saying. She'd been prepared to say goodbye to everyone. Everyone, that is, except Dimitri.

"Rose? Think about it? How do you know this is the real deal? How can you be sure that in a month or a year you won't change your mind and wish you'd stayed?" It was Abe, and while Rose hated to say it, he was looking as though he actually cared.

"Then if that's the case I can come back. Unless they're going to issue a warrant for me, it's no business of anyone's where I go."

She turned to Dimitri taking his hands.

"Comrade? A couple of days ago, you told me that if I came back to you, you'd do whatever I wanted, whatever it _took_ for us to be together. I know this wasn't what we thought was going to happen, but maybe it's for the best? In the human world, I won't have to worry about you every time you go on a shift. We wouldn't have to hide how we felt or endure snide comments every time we go out somewhere together. We could be just a young couple in love making our way in the world."

She looked at him beseechingly.

"I don't care where we end up living, or what we do for work. But I want to be with you, Dimitri. Do you want me to come with you? To share our lives together?"

"You know I do, milaya," he said looking into eyes. "But I can't let you do that for me."

"I won't just be doing it for you - I want to do this for _me_ too. While it's scary as hell, the idea of being able to do or be anything is exciting, Dimitri! Imagine being able to live and love as we wish? No 'they come first.' No continual sacrifice and duty just because one of our parents was Dhampir, not Moroi! You can't tell me you don't want that?"

"Of course I want that," he whispered, looking at her with fear, love, and hope.

"That's what I want, too," she whispered, leaning in to kiss him lovingly, tears trickling down her cheeks.

"Then let's work out what we need to do to make this happen," Abe said grimly.


	20. Chapter 20

"Abe Mazur you'd better be joking! We're not letting our seventeen-year-old daughter leave everything and everyone she's ever known!" Janine wailed, looking at him in alarm. "We'll lose her forever!"

"Janine, we already almost did! She's eighteen in a few weeks. After that, we can't stop her. The way I see it if we're not part of the solution we're part of the problem! Our little girl wants more from life than she can get in the Moroi world, and I can't blame her. We have the resources to help her be anything she wants to be. Isn't that what being a parent is about, Jeanie? We always said we wanted her to have every advantage we didn't."

He looked appealingly at Janine, holding his arms open to her as she sagged in defeat.

"But leaving the Moroi world?! It's so final!"

"Look – it might not _have_ to be forever. We can work on Rose and Dimitri's behalf to have the charges dropped. What right now might look like something untoward in five years time is going to look very different - especially if they're still together. We'll focus on getting the charges lifted so they can return to spend time with family and friends when they want to. Dimitri I'll need you to fill out the formal resignation of post forms before you leave. Lord Ivashkov, I assume you'll be kind enough also to sign them? The last thing we need is to add a dereliction of duty charge to what you're already facing."

Adrian muttered his compliance. Lissa and Christian were standing in stunned silence.

"What can I do?" Lissa asked, rousing herself from her shock.

"I shouldn't be seen. Can you go to my dorm room and pack for me? I probably won't take much, but I'll need a range of clothes and underwear and some training gear. I want my photo album, iPod, chargers, all the photos from my photo board, and under my bed there's a shoebox. Please don't forget that."

"We'll box up anything you don't take, and your parents can store it," Alberta promised. "Nothing will be left behind."

"Do you have much to pack?" Abe asked Dimitri.

"No. I only have a bag with me. I don't have a lot, but I had to leave most of it in Minneapolis with Tasha Ozera." He said the name with bitterness.

"Dimitri? I think I might surprise my aunt with a trip home this weekend. If she hasn't destroyed your stuff, is there anything in particular you want? I mean, I'll try and save it all, but is there anything particularly special?" Christian asked.

"Yes. There's a set of stakes, my photo album and a Western book with an inscription in Russian on the inside. If you can get those, anything else will be a bonus."

"I'll do my best," Christian promised.

"Tasha Ozera? The one who spread this video?" Abe asked in an icy voice.

"She's my aunt," Christian said in the saddest voice. "First my parents, and now Tasha. It seems like being an Ozera means you're predisposed to doing horrible things."

"Don't be silly. You're not like that. I wouldn't let you date my best friend if you were," Rose said, in what was probably the kindest thing she'd ever said to him.

"Well I'm sorry she's your aunt, but I'll be looking into whether she released that video. If she did, I'm going to make destroying her my new hobby," Abe said menacingly. Rose hadn't seen it before, but at that moment Abe looked every bit the mob boss. A mob boss with a mission.

"If you see Eddie on your travels, can you tell him to come up here? I'd like to say goodbye to him, too."

Lissa nodded, sticking her head out the door and checking the coast was clear before pulling Christian out into the corridor. The door had barely closed when Alberta's phone rang. She pulled it out, looking at Rose and Dimitri and holding a finger to her lips in warning.

"Alberta," she answered in her usual efficient tone. "Yes thanks, Hans. I assumed that would be the case… Two videos? What's the difference between them?… Yes, well I suppose so… Yes. We're looking, but on a campus this size he could be anywhere… No. I don't think that will be necessary… No – we can't find her either. I'll order a room-by-room search… I don't know either, Hans. Young people in love do stupid things."

She rang off, checking the call had been terminated before she spoke.

"That was Hans Croft, Head Guardian at Court. A warrant has been issued for your arrest, Belikov. Officials at Court have seen both versions of the video. You're being charged with statutory rape."

"Then that's it. We're really leaving," Rose said, looking at Dimitri timorously yet with love and trust.

"Looks like we are," he replied. "Any ideas on how we do this?" he asked the assembled company.

"I probably shouldn't hear this," Alberta interjected. "If I don't know, I can look surprised. I'm going to call all guardians to start searching the grounds for you. We'll start at the other side of campus and work our way over here. I can give you a couple of hours, tops."

"Thanks, Alberta," Rose said standing up and giving the older woman a hug. "We appreciate it. We owe you so much."

"Not at all," she said, tearing up a little. "If I don't see you before you go, I love you too, Rose. You've always been very special to me," she said with moist eyes, referring to the letter Rose had left for her. They hugged for a moment longer before they pulled away.

"Call me if you need anything," she said to Janine, before nodding to Abe.

"You take care of her, or I swear I'll find you and kick your ass," Alberta threatened Dimitri, but with a smile. Then she let herself out of the suite, pulling out her phone to start organizing the search.

"Right. The priority is for you two to disappear. If you're going to live in the human world, you're going to need papers. Birth certificates, social security numbers and the like. I can organize them, but it's going to take some time," Abe outlined. "Ideally it would be best if you two could take off somewhere isolated for a few months. I'm not sure just how actively they're going to pursue you. If you go completely off-grid for a month or two, we'll be in a better place to know what we're dealing with."

"Well between Lissa and Adrian you'll be able to find me," Rose offered, quickly describing the ways the two Moroi had of contacting her, no matter where she was.

"That's good because you should probably leave the network chips for your phones here so you can't be traced," Abe said.

"Good point," Dimitri commented. "Rose – give me your phone. I'll transfer all your contacts and photos off the sim card." He quickly did what needed to be done with both their phones. "Are there any last calls you need to make?" he asked.

Rose shook her head. The only person she'd like to see before she left was Eddie, and she could use her mother's phone if she needed to call him.

Dimitri pulled the back off Rose's phone, pulling the chip out of the back of it.

"We can get a new one when we get to wherever it is we're going," he explained. "I'm going to pack and call my family. It might be quite some time before I can speak with them again," he said sadly, moving into his bedroom to put his few items into his duffel bag.

"Dimitri? Give me your family's account number. I'll arrange that money transfer now," Adrian said, pulling out his phone and following Dimitri into his room.

Abe picked up his phone. "I'm going to make the necessary arrangements to get you and Dimitri out of here," he said, giving Janine a pointed look. As Abe started speaking into his phone in another language, Janine came to sit next to Rose on the sofa, taking her hands.

"I know you're angry with me for not telling you about your father earlier. When we get the chance, your father and I would like to sit down and explain our reasons to you. In retrospect, we've made a lot of shitty decisions, but we want you to know we did them thinking we were protecting you, not because we didn't care. Neither of us had any idea how neglected you were at the Academy or how abandoned you felt. We both regret that very much."

Janine was crying as she spoke. While Rose found it hard to believe that her parents were so clueless they didn't realize a four-year-old would want their Mommy, she gave her mother the chance to say her piece.

"I didn't visit much because I couldn't. Getting time away from my charge was hard. While your father and I saw each other, it was only because Abe would come to where my charge was holidaying. It was a handful of hours every eight to twelve months. I understand that it was still more than you got with me, and I regret that. But I want you to know it was because I couldn't come, not that I didn't want to."

Rose sat and thought for a moment. Sure her mother's explanation explained some things, but not all of it. Not by a _long_ shot. But she had other issues to focus on, and the only thing she had to hold on to in her relationship with her mother was bitterness, and right now that didn't seem so important.

"I can't say I understand. I don't. I have a lot of questions I'd like answered, but ultimately, I want to move beyond it. I want to see if there's some way to have a healthier relationship going forward, and I'd like to get to know my father," Rose said. She was pleased with that as her response. It didn't dismiss her feelings, but it let her mother know she was prepared to try and put it behind her.

"Once you're settled, your father and I will come see you and answer all your questions. Until then, just know we both love you very much."

Abe was still speaking rapidly on his phone when Adrian emerged from Dimitri's room. Finding Rose and Janine talking intently, he smiled and went through to his bedroom to give them space.

"You'll be away for your eighteenth birthday," Janine said softly.

"I suppose I will," Rose replied.

"Are you sure, Rosemarie? You don't have any doubts?" her mother asked anxiously.

"I have heaps of doubts, but none about Dimitri. I know it will sound stupid given this has only all just happened, but it feels like the right choice for us."

"What will you do?"

"I'm not sure," Rose admitted. "I like the idea of Dimitri and I going somewhere peaceful just to figure it out. I know we'll have to find our feet, get jobs and start supporting ourselves, but it's going to be weird having every option open to us when both of us have had our futures mapped out for us our whole lives."

Abe finished his call and came to sit on the sofa opposite Janine and Rose, looking pleased with himself.

"All sorted?" Rose asked curiously.

"All sorted," he replied with a grin. "I'm almost looking forward to this!"

Dimitri had finished his call and came back into the living room. With Rose seated next to her mother, Dimitri had no option but to sit next to Abe. Dimitri pulled the back off his phone and discarded the sim card, tossing it onto the coffee table in front of him. Abe was about to speak where there was a knock at the door. Adrian came out of his bedroom while Rose and Dimitri stood up and went into it, closing the door behind them.

"Who is it?" Adrian asked cautiously through the door.

"Eddie Castile," a disembodied voice called through the door.

Getting a nod from Janine, Adrian cautiously opened the door to reveal the tall young Novice.

"Alberta sent me. She said I had to give you this?" he said handing Adrian an envelope, looking through the doorway at Janine and Abe curiously.

"Come in," Adrian said, almost yanking him into the suite and quickly shutting the door behind him. "You can come out, it's Eddie," Adrian said in the direction of his bedroom.

A sheepish Rose and Dimitri emerged from their hiding spot.

"Sorry, Eddie. There's a warrant out for Dimitri's arrest. We can't let them find us," Rose explained.

"Because of the video? What are you going to do?"

"We're leaving. Kirova is going to expel me, and Dimitri will be jailed if they catch him. Our careers are shot, so we're giving the human world a go," Rose said with a bravado she didn't feel. "Once we leave, we're going to have to cut off contact so, for now at least, this is goodbye."

"Damn, Rose! We only just got you back, and now you're leaving?" Eddie said looking at her sadly.

Rose's tears started again as she pulled Eddie into a long tight hug.

"I'm sorry. I'm not going to be around to look after Lissa, so you need to keep an eye on her for me, all right? Christian as well."

"You can count on me," Eddie promised.

They pulled apart and looked to where Adrian and Dimitri were busy at the dining table; Adrian was filling out the paperwork to release Dimitri from his allocation, while Dimitri filled out the other form which was his formal resignation as a guardian. He stopped to read it over for a moment before signing his name to the bottom.

"Are you ok, Comrade?" Rose asked, feeling the guiltiest she'd ever felt in her life. With that signature, Dimitri's life's work, to date, was at an end.

He nodded, a peculiar expression on his face.

"I am, milaya. I feel free. Ready for a new adventure."

A knock at the door announced Lissa's return, she and Christian quickly stepping into the suite. Lissa was carrying a bulging duffel bag, quickly running through everything it contained. She was babbling, but she and Rose both knew that time was ticking, and neither wanted to say their goodbyes.

"Thank you," Rose said, taking the bag but referring to so much more. "I owe you so much, Liss. You've been my best friend as well as my family. You were there for me when I had no one. You saved my life after the crash, supported me even when I've been unreasonable and didn't deserve it, and finally, I wouldn't have met this one if it wasn't for you," she laughed through her tears, canting her head in Dimitri's direction.

"You know we're never truly apart," Rose continued, tapping the side of her head meaningfully, "And I'll be relying on you to stay in touch, even when I can't."

Rose gave Lissa a long hug, the two young women crying as they clung to one another, Lissa saying her own farewells to her oldest, dearest friend. Appreciating she had to let go, or she never would, Rose released Lissa and moved on to Christian.

"Look after her, alright fire boy? And wear some clothes when you're wandering around. You never know when I might just pop in for a visit," she teased.

"I hate to cut this short, but they're going to be leaving soon, and we have final details to iron out. It's probably best if all of you are in public when they leave. Can I suggest the commons?" Abe said innocently.

Adrian hugged Rose.

"See you in your dreams, little Dhampir," he said sadly. "I'm going to miss you. You too, cuz," he said, moving on to shake Dimitri's hand. And within a couple of minutes the suite was cleared, Abe, Janine, Dimitri and Rose the only ones left. The sun was starting to rise which meant it was nearly dinner time at the Academy.

"After you're picked up, you'll be taken to Billings where you'll board a private plane. It's going to take you to O'Hare where you'll be met by an associate of mine. He's going to have some travel documents and money for you. It won't be the full documents you'll need to start your new life, but it will be enough to get you out of the country, which I suggest is your best option in the short term. Your mother and I will find out what we can and communicate with you through Lissa or Adrian. There will be some contact details in the information my associate gives you. If you need to get in touch, use them."

"Will we have to live overseas?" Rose asked apprehensively.

"I don't think so," Abe said. "Once the initial brouhaha over the video abates, you should be fine to live anywhere you choose."

In a move that surprised them both, he leaned across the space separating him, taking her hands in his own.

"I want you to know whatever you want; I have the means and the desire to make it happen, Rose. If you want to finish high school and go to university, that can be arranged; or if you want to start a business or travel the world. You're young - feel free to take some time and explore your options. That goes for you, too," he said giving Dimitri a serious look.

"Thank you, Abe," Dimitri said holding the Moroi's gaze in his own. "But my job, now, is looking after your girl."

"Yes it is; so take the time and resources you need to set yourself up to do that," Janine said, starting to weep again.

Abe looked at his watch.

"It's time for your mother and me to go. Remember we love you," he said standing and pulling Rose and Janine into a three-way hug.

He pulled away and shook Dimitri's hand. "We're counting on you," he said solemnly. "Don't let us down."

"I won't" Dimitri promised, tucking Rose under his arm when her mother finally released her. "How are we going to know when our ride is here?"

"Oh you'll know," Abe said with a grin. "Go wait by the southern stairs. Don't be seen, and be prepared to move fast."

With that, he grabbed Janine's hand and led her from the room.

"I guess this is it?" Rose said in a shaking voice, looking up at Dimitri tentatively. "I'm so sorry that all this has happened."

"I'm not. You were right, Rose. Our love never stood a chance in the Moroi world – we'd always have to hide one way or another. I'd rather have you in the human world than hide our love here. No regrets?" he asked hopefully.

"No regrets," Rose smiled up at him.

Taking a final look around, they shared a tender kiss before shouldering their bags and heading out into the corridor. As instructed, they took the southern stairs, waiting on the landing between the first and ground floors. Dimitri stood behind Rose, his arms wrapped around her as they waited. Right on 7.30 am they heard a sound from the sky. A helicopter.

"You're fucking shitting me," Rose mumbled in surprise.

"Your father doesn't do anything by halves, does he?" Dimitri replied with a grin.

They took the final steps to the ground floor, pulling up short when they saw Stan Alto standing at the foot of the stairs looking at them.

"Stan – move. I don't want to have to kick your ass, but I will if I have to," Rose said menacingly.

He actually rolled his eyes at her.

"I'm not here to arrest either of you. Alberta posted me here to make sure no one searched the building while you were still in it. Good luck Hathaway, Belikov. I wish you every happiness."

Stan stuck his head out the door, looking around carefully.

"It's clear. GO!"

Dimitri grabbed Rose's hand, and together they ran towards the helicopter, ducking down as they ran beneath its blades. It had landed in the flat area between guest accommodations and the Commons, and students, staff, and guardians were piling out onto the lawn gazing at it in surprise.

Climbing into the back seat, stowing their bags at their feet, the pilot gave them a grin, passing them earphones to put on. Dimitri quickly closed and fastened the door, and seconds later they were lifting off. The pilot took them low over the top of the crowd gathered on the lawn. Looking down Rose could see Lissa standing with Christian, Eddie, and Adrian, her parents standing just off to one side with a stunned Alberta. Dimitri wrapped his arms around Rose's shoulders from behind as she waved and blew kisses, and then moments later they lifted off and were flying high into the sky.

Flying amidst the rising sun was beautiful, and the perfect metaphor for the beginning of her new life with Dimitri. The two of them sat looking out the windows at the countryside below before turning to each other with huge excited grins. She had to hand it to Abe; she was so exhilarated she didn't have time to feel despondent.

They landed at Billings where their pilot pointed them towards a waiting plane. Another pilot greeted them, and they were quickly loaded onto a small luxurious aircraft. All gleaming walnut surfaces and comfortable leather seats, it looked like the finest that money could buy, which it probably was.

"We'll be in the air two and a half hours," he said kindly. "There's no cabin crew on the flight, today, but feel free to help yourself to refreshments," he said gesturing to a galley with food and drink.

Before they knew it, they were in the air again, cuddled together in rich leather seats sipping sodas and sharing cheese and crackers. The two of them were quiet; adjusting to the idea that from here on in, it was just the two of them.

"Wake up, beautiful… We're about to land."

Rose opened her eyes and smiled. It was hard not to smile when she woke up cuddled in her Russian God's arms. She righted herself in her seat, gripping his hand when minutes later the wheels of the plane kissed the runway. They taxied to a side terminal, looking out the windows as their aircraft flitted around other craft taxiing in and out. So many people were going to so many places!

Disembarking they walked across the tarmac and into the terminal, immediately seeing a tall Dhampir wearing a private guardian uniform. Rose and Dimitri tensed, not sure if this was what they should be expecting.

"Rose? Dimitri? I'm Pavel, your father's personal guardian," the man said, smiling at them kindly and speaking quietly enough not to be overheard. "With your father well protected at the Academy, I was taking some recreation leave. If you'd like to follow me, I have booked one of the business lounges for our use."

Dimitri nodded to Rose, and together they followed Pavel to a small, private lounge kitted out with a table, some phones, a fax machine and a computer.

"Your father asked me to give you this," he said once the door was closed, handing over a small duffel bag. "There's fifty thousand dollars in there, fake passports, some emergency contact details and instructions on how to access several bank accounts for additional money. I spoke to Abe a few minutes ago, and he asked me to tell you that all is well back at the Academy and that he and Janine look forward to speaking with you when things calm down a little."

"Tell him thank you," Rose said with a grin. "The helicopter was a wonderful surprise. And tell him I love them. Both of them."

Pavel nodded. "There are taxis out the front. They can take you to the main terminals or wherever else you want to go. You have this room for another twenty-five minutes so you can organize yourselves. Can I take this opportunity to wish you both the very best of luck."

He shook Dimitri's hand, then Rose's, and without further ado left them in the lounge.

The two of them looked at each other, reaching into the bag to fish out their new ID. Recognizing photos from the St Vlad's yearbook on their new Russian passports, they were Rosalie and Dmitri Smirnoff; twenty-one and twenty-three respectively. The day and month of their birthdates remained the same; it was just the years that had been changed. Putting them to one side, they pulled out the money, divvying it up between their two bags. Rose tucked the banking and emergency contact information into her bag, and then they were done. Checking the duffel was empty, Rose tossed it into a bin in the corner of the room.

"So, Comrade. Where to from here?" Rose asked, staring up at her Russian lover with a loving smile.

"Well… it's nearly Spring in Siberia?" he suggested with a grin, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the room and across the terminal. Grinning like the young couple in love they were, they shared a kiss before stepping out into the light, hailing a taxi to take them to the main O'Hare terminal and their new life together.

 **\- OO The End OO-**


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks so much for your lovely comments on **Hope is a Four Letter Word**. I don't intend to do an epilogue, at this stage, but I never say never - so don't forget to follow or fave if you want to be kept in the loop :) It was quite a different story for me to write, so I very much appreciate your comments and feedback :)

Speaking of different, I have a new story for you. Called 'Unforgiven' it's all human - a _first_ for me! The first chapter is up now, and I've included an excerpt below.

* * *

"Fuck you, Dimitri Belikov!" Rose muttered under her breath, applying wild cherry tinted lip gloss to her lips and pursing them in the mirror hanging on the inside of her locker. She undid her lazy braid, letting her long dark locks tumble artlessly in loose curls down her back. She intentionally kept her makeup subtle and light, her clothing attractive but not revealing. Her Babcia had had a saying - dress like Halloween, and you'll end up with ghouls in your pants. It probably lost something in the translation, but she understood the gist; if you dressed like a slut, you'd only end up attracting guys that liked that sort of girl. The _best_ way to drive a guy mad was to look like you weren't trying too hard. In fact, to look like you weren't trying at all.


End file.
